Queer #1: You did such a good job of shaving my balls!
Queer #2: You’re going to have to do mine again — they’re all spiky again.
Queer #1: O-M-G — I’ll have to do it as soon as we get home so we have enough time to bang before your parents come!
–Central Park
Overheard by: brunette teen
Queer teen #1: Yo, when I went to Yellowstone, I took this pic of a buffalo from behind, so you can see the balls hangin’ down and everything! It’s awesome!
Queer teen #2: What? That’s the single worst thing I ever heard! You sick, man. Damn.
Queer teen #1: What the fuck are you talkin’ ’bout? It’s the best pic ever! I made it my desktop! Buffalo balls are cool!
–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mike N
Dude #1: Last night Sheryl told me my balls smelled like Ramen.
Dude #2: Oh, really? Like the noodles?
Dude #1: Yeah… She gave me head anyway, though.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Rez
Man on cell: I didn’t have time to talk to her, but I had enough time to show her my balls.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Meagan Chen
Chick: Dude, that sucks balls. Wait, no, that sucks placentas.
–72nd & 5th
Frat boy yelling from taxi: Show us your balls!
–West Village
Little boy slamming G.I. Joe onto sidewalk: Kiss my ball sack, bitch!
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: AdHoculi
Chick: So, really, what does happen when you put ice on a guy’s balls?
–18th & Park
Banker: I want to get some coffee to dip my balls in. Then I’ll let you drink it. That’s how much I like you. I’d let you drink my ball coffee.
–21st floor, Wall St firm
Thug #1: Too much curry, man.
Thug #2: You don’t like curry?
Thug #1: Naw…
Thug #2: Yeah, it makes your balls itch.
–Indian spice store, 1st Ave, between 5th & 6th St
Overheard by: Anthony Recchia
Headline by: h
Runners-Up:
· “Be More Discerning Who You Bangalore” – Barry P.
· “He Prefers Ginger Who Makes Them Tingle, Instead.” – Lizard
· “No, No, I’m Talking About the Spice, Not the Tim.” – Katie
· “Why Else Do You Think Indians Wear Such Loose Pants?” – waphle
· “You Know, Just Because It Looks Like a Baby Powder Bottle…” – Herbie McHebrew
Dude: Yeah, I put Tiger Balm on my testicles and it felt like a million breathing elves.
Chick: Oooh, minty! That must have been nice.
Dude: Oh, no — like fire-breathing elves.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Pengasaurus X
Kid: … And his balls were hanging out of his skirt!
–Stuyvesant High School
Drunk chick: Can I pleeease kick you in the balls? It’s my birthday!
–Ave A
Bimbette: So, balls are always — and, like, totally not in a sexual way — but balls are always hitting me in the face.
–Line at Upright Citizens Brigade
Street vendor to another: So, what if you were wearing shorts and you had one ball hangin’ out?
–W 49th & Broadway
Hot chick to another: So, I had him by the balls…
–Washington Square Park
Girl: No, no, don’t scratch your balls! [Screams.]
–8 train
Overheard by: Alex
Actor: I look down and there’s this blue spot on my balls. It looked like I fucked a smurf.
–Backstage, Strawberry One-Act Festival
Overheard by: I hate it when that happens
Wailing six-year-old boy: But whyyy?!
Mom: Well, I know, honey, but kick him in the shins, don’t kick him in the balls!
–Prince & Broadway
Guy: Dude, you want to see my balls?
Roommate: [Silence.]Guy: I just shaved my balls.
Roommate: [Silence.]Guy: Dude, just touch my balls. They’re smooth, just touch them with your elbow.
Roommate: [Silence.]Guy: Ew! Dude, you just touched my balls with your elbow!
–Fordham University
NYU chick: No, that can’t be true.
NYU dude: I’m dead serious — I couldn’t make that up!
NYU chick: So, you are honestly telling me that if you don’t wash your ball sack, you will grow cheese?
–10th St, between 5th Ave & University
