Anatomically-Correct Wednesday One-Liners

Serious guy to another: See these hands? These are my bread and butter!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Hi-D

Well-dressed 25-year-old on phone: Yes. (pause) Please spare me the placenta. (pause) Okay, well, as long as it's clean.

–Key Foods

Woman on cell: So, she doesn't think her body is going to be ready by then?

–32nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Publius

Man on cell: I wish I could just take my legs off. That would be so much easier.

–45th St & Ave of the Americas

Loud chick: Yeah, I'm still taking French classes. Last week we did commands, and this week we're learning, like, body parts.

–Hudson St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

20-something girl on cell: But I have several heads…

–Metro-North Rail

Three-year-old boy to punk girl in black fishnets, as he pokes though holes: Um… why is your legs trapped?

–Thompkins Square Park

Posted on December 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Education, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Punks, Questions, School and studying, Street, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Sometimes, Wednesday Uses One-Liners As a Crutch

Man in shorts on cell: Well, I think what happened is he lost his pinky because of the forklift. But that's not the point of this conversation, let's talk about me here.

–186th St & Bennet Ave

Overheard by: Rina

Girl: And she's so awkward on crutches, it's so annoying!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: MR T

Guy on cell: So he tried to kill a roach and broke his knee, and that's why he's on crutches for the rest of summer.

–Union Square

Mother to young son: Sweetie, don't trip and bust your head open. I don't have no duct tape to put it back together.

–Laundromat, 48th St & 10th Ave

Blueberry salesman, as woman in crutches hobbles past: You hoppin', but you ain't stoppin'!

–Greenmarket

Posted on December 23, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clerks, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Handicaps, Insects, Kids, Laundromat, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Retards & Handicaps, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Clearly You've Never Made Condom Water Balloons.

NYU guy #1: If a girl asked me to go buy her some tampons, I wouldn't care.
NYU guy #2: Yeah. Actually, I'd rather buy tampons than condoms.
NYU guy #1: Yeah! Because like, with condoms it's like “yes, I am planning on having sex tonight”! But with tampons it's more like, “oh, what are you gonna use those for? A nose bleed?”

–Starbucks

Overheard by: fair point.

Posted on December 18, 2009
Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Frat Boys, Health and Hygiene, Sex, Starbucks

Great. Now Explain It Again in a Slow, Sultry Tone.

Music teacher: So, how do you control the sound of a recorder?
Embarrassed teenage boy: Um… You put your fingers… Uh, in the hole. And the higher you want the sound to be, the more fingers you put in the hole.
Music teacher: Is there any other way to control the sound?
Embarrassed teenage boy: Well, the harder you blow, the faster the sound will come. And the softer you blow, the slower it'll come.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on December 18, 2009
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Education, Gadgets, Queens, School, School and studying, Singing, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Why I Avoid the Village: Encapsulated.

Tall curly-haired guy: I have a magnet in my head, by the way.
Petite Asian girl: What? What does that mean?
Tall curly-haired guy: Nothing. Just a random phrase. Just being goofy and unfiltered.
Petite Asian girl: I have a donut in my brain.
Tall curly-haired guy: I've seen the X-rays. I know.

–Odessa Restaurant

Overheard by: baconista

Posted on December 18, 2009
Asians, Body Parts, Food, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Restaurants & Cafes

Wednesdays Become One-Liner With the Universe

Young child to mother: I am not psychic.

–Downtown B Train

Overheard by: furf

Normal-looking guy: But we have the complexity of magic!

–NYU

Asian Bikram instructor: Listen to your breast and find your inner piss.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Bikram Curious

Thug on cell: You don't know what kind of drugs they gave you, or if you really blacked out. But you have to understand that the spiritual world and the physical world are two different things. (pause) I don't have evidence of a spiritual world. (pause) You know that guy Des-cart? That's his name, right?

–Hunter College

Overheard by: trapped@hunter

Guy on phone: Listen, Julian, you are a shit-ass excuse for a friend. You can lick the peanut butter from between my toes. (pause) Listen, Julian, I'm on the other line with my psychic, let me call you back.

–49th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Lara