Wednesdays Could Use Their One-Liners As Walking Sticks

Man on cell: Well, at least my dick will finally seem bigger!

–Prince St. & W Broadway

Overheard by: Johnny

Puerto Rican lady on phone to pal: Yo, his dick was mad little, yo! My son's dick is bigger than that!

–Broadway & Havemeyer, Brooklyn

Teen on cell: And you have a small penis. And you're gay.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: And I Thought My Day Wasn't Going Well

Black gay guy on cell: I feel so sorry for guys with small penises. Here I am, with a 12 inch dick and I don't even use it.

–Penn Station

Man on cell: You're dumping me because my dick is 11 inches and it's too big? That doesn't make any sense!

–Lorimer & Maujer

Overheard by: was this a lame attempt to hit on me?

Petite yuppie on phone: Oh my god! It was so small I tried so hard not to laugh! But then I decided to boost his spirit and I said to him, "is it because it's cold in here?" (pause) Yeah, you're right, that couldn't have possibly boosted anything at all. Dinner was good, though.

–N Train

Overheard by: Mefisto

Posted on April 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Gays and Lesbians, Height, Laughter, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Penn Station, Puerto Ricans, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Train Station, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women, Yuppies

Anyone with That Many Vowels in His Name Is Not to Be Trusted

Fro-yo patron #1: Yo, my boy told me he just saw Giuliani rollin' through the hood.
Fro-yo patron #2: Wait…who's Giuliani?
Fro-yo patron #1: One punk ass bitch, nigga.

–yogoMonster, Court St. Brooklyn

Overheard by: bojangles

Posted on April 7, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Bosses, Brooklyn, Insults, Politics

Also the Original Answer To, “Sylvia, How Do You Call Your Lover Boy?”

Not ghetto black girl: How do you bag a girl?
Ghetto black boy: Come sit on my lap!

–Pete's Pizza, Ave M

Posted on April 7, 2009
Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Girls, Hook Ups, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes

Remember How We Used to Do That in the Womb?

Three-year-old boy: This is an iPhone, it can play YouTube videos.
Three-year-old girl: I know.

–Doctor's Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Posted on April 6, 2009
Brooklyn, Internet, iPod, Kids, Office

Whooo! Check Out the Wednesday One-Liners on That One!

6'6" construction worker with another, to Applebee's host: For two, somewhere really romantic.

–Applebee's, 50th St

Construction worker with Staten Island accent: Chick's like a fuckin' black widow, like, she gets you all swollen up and then just leaves you to fuckin' die.

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: need a tissue?

Construction worker to friend: That guy's got a job at fuckin' fudge pack city!

–33rd & 6th

Overheard by: EthanK

Black construction worker to girl on street: Giiiiiirl, you lookin' good. (to orthodox boys) See, it's that easy.

–Near Edward R Murrow High School

Construction worker on scaffolding, yelling to another: Look! It's a bird! No! It's a plane! No! It's my cock!

–Driggs & N 12th, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on April 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Birds, Black People, Blue-collar workers, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Death, Fast Times at New York High, Film, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Insects, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: You know I can't come over, I'm a daddy now! I have a dog! He needs me 24/7. I can't leave his sight, not even for a second! I'm just out for a moment to buy him some food, but other than that…

–Crosstown Bus

Souvenir seller: Get your doggy diary! Get your puppy program! Get your beagle bible! Get your bulldog blog!

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Man at payphone: They tried to catch the hero dog, but he ran away.

–107 & West End

Overheard by: kdub

Half tone-deaf guy with guitar, singing: I'll marry you for your Green card, but I'll sleep with your sister cause she's prettier than you. She's 75 years old, never been touched by a man, let alone a dog…

–1 Train

Overheard by: CreateEvity

Man leaning out of car, to man walking Schnauzer: Excuse me…that's a Marmaduke?

–3rd Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jeff S.

Woman on cell: If I don't get a dog soon I'm totally going to get pregnant.

–Wall Street

Posted on April 1, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Food, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Infidelity, Internet, Madison Square Garden, Man's Best Friend, Marriage, Men, Musicians, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Singing, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Time, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

To Be Fair, All Of Strawberry Shortcake's Bodily Emissions Smell Glorious

Older teen boy: Oh my god, yesterday after the party I had these farts that smelled odee.
Younger teen girl: Yeah, oh my god, was it that bad?
Older teen boy: I mean I was running away from my own farts.
Younger teen girl: Wow, it's weird cuz I love the way my farts smell!
(older teen boy walks away and crosses the street)

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: fart smeller

Posted on March 27, 2009
Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Farting & Burping, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Teens, Weirdness

Wednesday Doesn't Know a Single One-Liner Here Tonight

Girl to friend: This party is going to be awesome! Wait. We have to stop somewhere on the way…I gotta pee before I put out tonight.

–Montrose & Graham

Dude: Do you even know what an Animal Collective Listening Party means in the rest of the country?

–Animal Collective Album Listening Party, River Room, Harlem

Overheard by: care bear stare

Girl: I think it's okay if she parties, as long as it's with a bunch of Christians.

–West 4th b/w 6th & MacDougal

Girl to friend: There's this party in the East Village. It's called "Spit." I'll tell you next time I go. It's on Fridays. But my gawd, these guys are cokeheads. I ended up with ten of them in my apartment last week.

–8th & 18th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Chick on cell: Do parties *count* if there's nothing but necking and spanking and nipple-tweaking?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy: I know I'm gay, but the best part of my Bar Mitzvah was meeting the party planner.

–Barns & Noble, 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rijita

Posted on March 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Columbia University, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jews, Judaism, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Names, Nipples, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Parades & Festitivites, Pee, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, S&M, Sex, Store, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Take a Wednesday One-Liner. It'll Last Longer.

Woman to friend: Wait till I show you the pictures. He looked so good in the coffin…

–Gym, Westchester Ave

Thug to homies: Yo, we need to take a pic in case the world ends tomorrow.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Robert

Too-cool-for-school coworker: You don't know how to use your scanner?! Shhiiiit, fool! I can teach you that! I taught myself how to use Google Calendar today. I have a Master's in photography.

–NYU

Overheard by: mm

Man on cell: Hi! Oh my gosh, I just got some great pictures of a plane that crashed into the river!

–Hudson River Park

20-something girl on phone with friend: Will you grab my camera from the apartment for me before you come out tonight? (pause) Thanks, I need it to take pictures of my conquests.(pause) All men should fear us.

–Brooklyn

Posted on March 25, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Brooklyn, Coworkers, Death, Fears, Friends, Girls, Google, Gyms, Insults, Men, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Pictures, Questions, Stupidity, Threats, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

I Told the Real Estate Agent Blue Was My Signature Color

Student: It's gonna be Halloween, aren't you worried about the Bloods' initiation?
Teacher: Nah. I'm good, my neighborhood's Crips.

–Brooklyn Public School

Overheard by: trinity

Posted on March 22, 2009
Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Questions, School, Students, Teachers/Professors, Violence