Celebrations/Parties

The Invisible Hand Behind Subway “Accidents”

Wall Street guy #1: So I was watching A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila and my son asked: “Dad, what’s a lesbian?” I mean, I wish I could tell him about it when he’s ready.
Wall Street guy #2: Yeah, so anyway. They have these only boys and only girls birthday parties for the little kids down at Fire Island…
Wall Street guy #1: So you think the parties turn them into lesbians?
Wall Street guy #2: No, I’m just trying to segue into talking about something other than… (looks around train suspiciously) lesbians.

–Downtown 6 Train

But It Was Still the Best Math-Club Party Yet

Obnoxiously loud girl: So I was at this party and this really drunk girl was like: “Oh my god, pierce my nipples!” and this guy did and I watched the whole thing.
Her friend: Really?
Obnoxiously loud girl: Yeah! But I was expecting blood, don’t you think there’d be blood?

–Starbucks, Washington Square

Not If She Fakes Orgasm –Then It’s Performance Art

NJ guy #1: So right after I left my parents house I met up with the hooker, best use of birthday money ever.
NJ guy #2: But you’re underage, that’s like illegal!

–McDonald’s, Times Square

Overheard by: Stewart Lane

Wednesday One-Liners Make “Unsafe Requests”

Homeless man: Eliot Spitzer for President!… Make the White House the whorehouse!

–Battery Park

NYU guy: So my friend who works for Eliot Spitzer called me the other day and asked me to ask his roommate to delete all his emails. He didn’t say why, but then about two hours later I found out about the whole prostitute thing… And now I’m a little worried.

–NYU Bus

AmNY newspaper guy, handing out papers with Eliot Spitzer’s picture on the front page: $80,000 for a ho, and we can’t get a raise!

–Outside 33rd St Station, 33rd & Park

Crazy guy, speeding on a bicycle through a crowd: Don’t even think about it people! I gotta make a party at Spitzer’s in ten minutes!

–43rd & Lexington

Overheard by: Dan J

Old lady: Why, if I were young like you, I could be a call-girl to scum-of-the-earth Spitzer!

–Laundromat, 34th St, Long Island City

Why Is It “Obvious” That He Was Wearing Pants?

Girl #1: I got completely wasted last night. I woke up outside my friend’s bathroom with my pants off, credit cards all over the floor. But here’s the thing -my top was on.
Girl #2: WTF?… What did you do?
Girl #1: I’m not sure…I don’t really remember. The last thing I remember is rubbing my face in some guy’s crotch with people in the room. Oh, he had his pants on, obviously.
Girl #2: You’re such a slut.
Girl #1: I know right. Anyway, my friend woke me up, telling me that I was going to miss the fung wah.
Girl #2, puzzled: Where were you going?
Girl #1: Boston.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I’m really not sure.

–C Train

Overheard by: Noah Tizzle

Did You Even Read the Sign I Was Waving by the Side of the Road?

30-ish suit: I don’t think you really like me, just the *idea* of me. You know, I come off great at parties, and I make a lot of money, but really…
20-something hippie girl: Wait, wait…I just wanted easy sex.

–Union Square

Could You Explain Again about the Timing of the Naked Break Dancing?

Bride: You are to behave like ladies.
Six-year-old #1: Can we take off our shoes?
Bride: Ladies take their shoes off after the ceremony.
Six-year-old #2: Can we run around?
Bride: After the ceremony, you can take off all your clothes and go nuts all night. I’ll be married. I won’t care.
Maid of Honor: But not until after the ceremony!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Reverend Ryan

Wednesday One-Liners Will Bring the Keg

Black tween girl: So, Jared was like, ‘What? You want a pizza party?’ and I said, ‘No, I want a party that I can pop, lock, and drop in.’ And then she goes, ‘Girl, I can pop and lock, but if I drop, I’ll drop.

–59th & Lex N/R/W stop

Overheard by: koala

Drunk guy on cell: What? Yeah, it’s always a great party… Hmmm… Let me think of who I have to sleep with to get you an invite…

–34th & 3rd

20-ish chick: I was telling the girls about how his cock unfurls like one of those party blowers, and then they happened to have those blowers at the New Year’s Eve party we went to, so I tormented them with one all night.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Late-30s guy: I’m the kind of guy who goes to parties and brags about my perky corneas.

–House party, S 8th St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Guy on cell: Well, the funeral was Tuesday… Yeah, the party was that night.

–10th & 2nd

Overheard by: Suzz

Barbie type to tourist pals: It sucks — you guys are like two weeks late to party with Heath Ledger.

–2nd Ave, between E 6th & E 7th St

Overheard by: Ben

But I’ve Heard PS 41 Is a Total Party Elementary School

Little girl: You can’t party at school.
Little boy: Party?
Little girl, raising the roof: Like ‘Whoop, whoop!’

–Earth School

Overheard by: sjhaughty

… Five Tequila Shots, and a Long Island Iced Tea

Dude #1: Do anything this weekend?
Dude #2: Yeah, went to my cousin’s wedding.
Dude #1: Open bar?
Dude #2: Yeah, but I don’t drink, ’cause I’m an alcoholic, so I only had a couple vodka tonics.

–Jacob Javits Convention Center

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist