Beware Of Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) Fuck! My asshole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana!

–D Train

Overheard by: Hahahahaaaaa

Passerby to young woman tying up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who?

–E 90th St

Six-year-old girl to mother: And then I said, "Oh, Shihtzu!"

–Houston & Orchard

Overheard by: j

Man on cell: I mean, I don't want to compare her to a dog. But, I just don't want to pet that, if you know what I mean.

–E 4th St & Lafayette

Overheard by: amanda

Large scruffy man in deli apron, watching hot Latina: Woof! (pause) Sorry baby, it's just the dog in me. Woof!

–2nd Ave & 94th St

Fat man to female friend: I don't know that dogs are delicious. Rather, I know that pork is.

–Broadway & Chambers St

Overheard by: Carolyn S

Girl, pointing at Dachshunds: Look, Chihuahuas!

–Winter Gardens

Posted on July 15, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Food, Friends, Girls, Insults, Kids, Laptop, Lower East Side, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Poop, Questions, Singing, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Especially the Grass-Stained Knees

Blond, after strenuous workout: God, I look like I just fucked the football team.
Blond friend: Guys like that look.

–Chelsea Piers

Overheard by: MtZ

Posted on July 15, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Fitness, Football, Girls, Gyms, Orgy, Sweat

A Smelly Myth, But a Myth Nonetheless.

Teen girl #1: You know, besides Manhattan, Brooklyn is the coolest borough.
Teen girl #2: Obviously. Queens is boring, the Bronx is scary, and Staten Island is a myth.

–Brooklyn Bridge

Posted on July 14, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Girls, NYC Geography, Teens

Since When Is “Jingle Bells” a Christian Song?

NYU girl #1 (singing): “Jingle bells/Jingle bells…”
NYU girl #2: Would you stop singing Christmas music, you're Jewish! Sing “Dreidel, dreidel”!
NYU girl #1: Ewwww.. No, I hate that stupid Jew song!

–Q Train

Posted on July 14, 2015
Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Judaism, Music, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Students

Some Of These Idiots Came from Other Countries

JAP: I can't believe all these people would come to New York to hang out in a mall.
Guy: We're here.
JAP: At least we only came from downtown.

–Bouchon Bakery, Time Warner Center

Overheard by: jj

Posted on July 13, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Guys, JAPs, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Plus, It Would Be a Good Way to Keep Her Weight Down

Boyfriend: I've got it. A giant human hamster ball.
Girlfriend: You are not putting our daughter in a hamster ball to keep her away from weird men.
Boyfriend: But you have to admit it's better than the idea of a leash or the electric fence.

–81st & York

Posted on July 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girlfriends, Paranoia, Parents, Upper East Side, Weirdness

When Hobos Teach Improv

Hobo: You white, right?
Hipster: Uh, yeah.
Hobo: I’m the 10 thousand-foot-tall sequoia tree, and you’re a 10 thousand-year-old white man!

–6 train

Posted on July 12, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Hipsters, Hobos, On the Subway, Race

When Cow Tipping Goes Bad

Younger guy: She was a bit fatter than I expected.
Older guy: Well, you still did the deed though?
Younger guy: Yes, of course I did. I had the beer goggles on to protect me but it was hard to keep the cattle prod charged.
Older guy: Well, it’s not the pussy’s fault.

–42nd & Avenue of the Americas

Headline by: chubba

Runners-Up:
· “Also, Her Tail Kept Getting in the Way” – sam
· “I Learned a Lot That Summer on the Ranch…” – Mark
· “If Only I Had My +5 Armor with +2 Strength.” – Bevan
· “It’s the Whale Attached to It” – Bizzznatch
· “They Always Blame the Cat, Never the Dog…” – Steve Gotz

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 11, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, Innuendo, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Vagina, Words

Wednesday One-Liners for Kendra

Young lady: Stupid people have more fun!

–Chrystie & Housten

Overheard by: Probably True…

Middle age woman to young woman pushing stroller: Well, this is a stupid place for a stroller!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Would the street be safer?

Oversized hip-hop boyfriend to undersized girlfriend: I'm being stupid for your benefit.

–Duane Reade

Woman buying ibuprofen: It's not a virus. My mother's got a headache from everyone being stupid.

–Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl smoking on the sidewalk to smoking friend: He's perfect. Except that he's kind of dumb. But he's perfect!

–34th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Katface

Posted on July 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Customers, Duane Reade, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Parents, Smokers & Smoking, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Without DNA Tests, the Second-Best Way to Determine Ethnicity Is Ass Size

Teen boy #1: Nah, nigga, she can’t be Spanish. She too skinny.
Teen boy #2: She’s Spanish, yo.
Teen boy #1: I tell you, she ain’t from Spain. She’s from Europe. She has a Euro-sounding name.
Teen boy #2: Maybe she’s Mexican.
Teen boy #1: Yeah, she could be Mexican.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on July 8, 2015
Alphabet City, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Foreigners, Friends, Global Geography, Names, Parks, Stupidity, Teens, Thugs

Compare/Contrast