Quirky 30-something woman #1: When I was dating my ex-boyfriend I felt like I was smuggling drugs… 8 1/2 inches of them.
Quirky 30-something woman #2: Dude, he was smuggling drugs in his scary, scary beard.
–Starbucks
Quirky 30-something woman #1: When I was dating my ex-boyfriend I felt like I was smuggling drugs… 8 1/2 inches of them.
Quirky 30-something woman #2: Dude, he was smuggling drugs in his scary, scary beard.
–Starbucks
Skinny twink #1: I know that guy.
Skinny twink #2: You know her, that guy from the chorus, the concert-soloist, that guy who blew you at Splash, and now him! That makes the fifth person you've seen that you know, in less than an hour.
Skinny twink #1: Well, New York is this big! (holds up little finger)
Skinny twink #2: And you're a whore.
–Gay Restaurant, Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: Eugene
Woman: Moving in trash bags is so refugee.
–Park Slope
Dude #1: Lots of people tell me I’m the gayest straight man they know.
Dude #2: Mmmm… No, I know a gayer straight guy than you.
–F station, Bergen St
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Suit on cell: You know, in the 80s everyone and their brother were making limos in their basement.
–17th & Broadway
Overheard by: Vespa
(obnoxious pimped-out car revs up at stop sign, then tears down the road)
Old guy: That guy's goin' back to the future! 88 miles per hour!
–9th & Stuyvesant
Tough-looking woman to younger one: Let me teach you how to break into a car…
–27th b/w 6th & 5th
Overheard by: Kyle
Russian guy on cell (in Russian): I am not seeing her as a woman, I am seeing her as a potential driver of a vehicle.
–Lower East Side
50-something woman: I haven't seen a good pimpmobile since the seventies. I mean, what happened to all the purple, maroon, and gold? What is all of this crap with yellow hummers and black Escalades these days, it's like all the pimps went to finishing school sometime in 1981.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Graham Davis
Middle aged man: I feel as though methamphetamines don't destroy your mind so much as ruin your body and make you cover it in tattoos. It's not like they were on heroin.
Companion, nodding his head: Mmm-hmm.
–5th St & 19th St
Guy in business casual: Deer, zombies, Nazis… They're all fair game in my book.
Friend: I've never been hunting before, but I do like fishing.
–73rd St
Overheard by: Irish Dave
Unattractive girl, whining: Baby, don't get the carrot cake.
Unattractive boyfriend: Why not? I like carrot cake. You don't have to eat it.
Unattractive girl: Well, I have no self-control, and I don't want to get fat.
Unattractive boyfriend: Baby, carrot cake is not your problem. Mayonnaise is your problem.
–Westside Market, Upper West Side
Overheard by: They should switch to Miracle Whip
Opera Fan: Well the best thing about it is, he’s the closest thing we have to a castrato today.
–UES
Black man: I can never watch you eat sausage again. It was the most awkwardly erotic thing I've ever seen. It was the perfect combination of food and female.
–Pratt Coffee Shop, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Maryrose
Boy to friend: And then the teacher said: "and that's the history of ham"!
–Queens
Overheard by: alex
Young woman on cell: Well, I would go to Gray's for hot dogs with you, but I can't. I gave up tubed meat for lent.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Caroline
Cute teen girl: It'd be like a floppy bag of meat… (pause) I'm not talking about dick!
–Starbucks
Woman placing drive-thru order: And two junior bacon cheeseburgers. Actually, I don't want the bacon. I don't want to get the swine flu.
–Wendy's Drivethru, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Oh the Pig-manity!
Upset Orthodox Jew mother to baby in stroller: Bacon!? Who told you about bacon!?
–West End & West 100th St
