Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Need No Water, Let the Motherfucker Burn!

Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’

–CVS, 42nd & 3rd

Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire!

–Brooklyn-bound Q train

Overheard by: Incitatus

Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries.

–MacDougal Street Ale House

Overheard by: Ladle

Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire.

–Columbus Ave

Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?!

–Water St dorm, NYU

Overheard by: michael

Posted on December 24, 2014
About Celebrities, Accidents, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compliments, Crazies, Crazy, Creepsters, Default, Fashion, Fire, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Intelligentsia, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Students, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

We’ll Never Understand the Stay Puf’t Marshmallow Man’s Appeal

Teenybopper twelve-year-old #1: He was cute and all, but not oozing or anything.
Teenybopper twelve-year-old #2: Oh no honey, he was definitely oozing. He was hot.

–R Train

Overheard by: Fareesa

Posted on December 21, 2014
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Girls, On the Subway, Sexuality, Tweens, Words

No Wonder He’s Establishment

Professor guy: Why did you decided to take this class?
Student guy: Because I heard you were groovy.
Professor guy: I do not know what this “groovy” is.

–Cantor Film Center, E. 8th Street

Posted on December 20, 2014
Compliments, NYU, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors, Words

Which Is Impossible Since We Never Touch Each Other… TMI?

New School girl #1: Hey! I love your dress.
New School girl #2: Thanks! I just got it.
Friendly professor: My wife has a dress just like that. When my mother saw her, she thought she was pregnant.

–New School

Posted on December 18, 2014
Clothing, Compliments, Default, Family Ties, Girls, New School, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Hope You’re Not a Cop

Man on cell: After I dropped Benny off at school I stopped by that harem.

–5th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Nerd

Old bald guy looking at Asian call girl section in newspaper, on cell, speaking very slowly and very loudly: Do… You… Take… Veee-saaaah. Veee-saaaah. Veeee-saaaaah! Yes! Visa! No? Okay, thanks. [Same exact dialogue takes place three more times.] Bingo!

–Milford Hotel

Overheard by: not an asian call girl

Guy: I’m a good Jewish son -I got 90% off on a hooker!

–Central Park

Guy on cell: Man, I love hookers. My friend just told me about Craig’s list. Shit, there’s like 5,000 hookers on Craig’s list. I love that shit.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: who knew?

Guido in leather jacket, to suit: So did anything ever happen with the whore?

–39th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Asian girl to friend: As long as I’m slutting myself out, I might as well get paid for it!

–22nd & 9th

Overheard by: Kate

Posted on December 18, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compliments, Family Ties, Fordham, Friends, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Happiness, Jews, Jobs & Careers, Judaism, Language Barrier, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, Orgy, Prostitution, Questions, Weirdness

Seriously, Can I Have One Of the Bananas?

Conductor leaning out window of train pulling into station: Hey, nice hat! I like your hat!
Woman on platform with nice hat: Um, thank you.
Conductor: This is 72nd Street. Uptown 2 train making local stops, local stops. Next stop 79th Street. Nice hat! Niiiice hat!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on December 10, 2014
Clothing, Compliments, Conductors, Directions, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Women

Tyler Perry Knows All About Stupid

Comedy show guy: Comedy! You already spent money on the plane ticket to come to this stupid place, you might as well have some fun while you're here. We have black people and fried shit. Ma'am, do you want to see a comedy show?
Large black woman: No.
Comedy show guy: Why not? Are you “different”?
Large black woman: No, I live here, so I already know everything is stupid. Including your show.
Comedy show guy:: Give me a hug. That was awesome.

–46th & Broadway

Overheard by: Wes

Posted on December 2, 2014
Black People, Compliments, Fat People, Hugs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Race, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Travel, Vendors & Street Performers, Wishes & desires

But They All Watched Me Eat It, Which Was Weird

Girl: So I went over to their place and it was a bunch of super-flowery lesbians watching high school musical.
Guy: That sounds interesting.
Girl: Yeah, then they made me pork and beans, which was nice.

–M15 Bus

Posted on December 1, 2014
Compliments, Default, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, On the Bus, TV

Do Girls Ever Wednesday One-Liner?

Hobo to passer-by: Arrrr! I'm a fart knocker!

–7th Ave & 25th St

Bimbette: Wow! I ate olives today and I didn't fart!

–L Train

Girl to friend: She farts makeup! She's so glamorous!

–Deli

Overheard by: Straining to hear the rest of the conversation…

30-something tall woman to friend: I used to live in three houses. Now I live in a closet. It's so small that I have to hang my parakeet out the window just to take a fart!

–Ave B & 3rd St

Overheard by: Mike

Older Greek lady to friend: I don't know Celia. I think it is better for everyone if I have gas.

–Astoria

Overheard by: David

Posted on November 30, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Astoria, Bimbettes, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Delis, Farting & Burping, Food, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Old People, On the Subway, Strangers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Third-Wave Feminism Has Been Something Of a Disappointment

Brunette: You and your boyfriend make a cute couple!
Blonde: Ugh! Why do people keep saying that?
Brunette: So why are you with him?
Blonde: Well, you know… Whenever I need a little… (gestures “cash”)
Brunette: Oh! Did I tell you about sugardaddy.com?
Blonde: I made a profile yesterday!
Brunette: Yes!
(girls laugh and high-five)

–6 Train

Overheard by: poor guy

Posted on November 29, 2014
Compliments, Girls, Laughter, Money & Class, On the Subway, Relationships

Compliments