Guy: Seriously, you have to be the most wonderful person in the world to do something like that.
Girl: Yeah, but it’s still a felony!
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Julia Kite
Guy: Seriously, you have to be the most wonderful person in the world to do something like that.
Girl: Yeah, but it’s still a felony!
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Julia Kite
Crazy woman: I’m still alive and breathing, thank you very much, despite the best efforts of the Devil.
–Food Court, Grand Central
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Girl #1: So is he a pharmacist or a drug dealer?
Girl #2: What’s the difference?
–5 train
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Moneybags: I’m thinking about selling one of my sailboats. It got a leak in the dining room, so I figure why not?
–Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Suit on cell: …yeah, I passed out with one shoe, but when I woke up they were both gone!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: ianr
Ethics lecturer, to room of lawyers: Can I call a witness I think is going to lie?
Lawyer: … On the telephone?
–Practising Law Institute, 52nd & 7th
Skinny Asian man to large black woman: You too fat!
–4 train
Overheard by: LP
Cultured concert connoisseur: I think this girl was from California. She spoke Asian and Spanish.
–Webster Hall
Overheard by: ak
Hipster, sitting next to Asian women: Awesome. Asians have tiny asses!
–R train, Canal St
Overheard by: Matt Hartwick
Hipster chick: Asians eat the darndest things.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: Lesley
Asian fag hag: Of course it doesn’t sound right! I’m a girl doing gay porn!
–West Village
Overheard by: megan
Asian woman suit: I’m really just tired of being a mobster.
–Wall St & Nassau
Hobo lady to Asian-looking girl: If I speak in your language, will you give me some money? Heeeyyyaaah! Karate chop!
–44th St & Lex
Overheard by: Made my morning
Guy #1: So where can I kill someone and not get in trouble?
Guy #2: I don’t know.
Guy #1: What about the ocean?
–Webster Hall, E 11th St
Airport security: Sir, we’ve been informed that you are carrying a firearm aboard this plane.
Suit: WHAT?!
Flight attendant: I overheard him say he was going to disassemble his firearm!
Suit: FLY ROD! Disassemble my FLY ROD!
Flight attendant: Oh. Whoops.
–Jet Blue plane, JFK
Student: So how can we use this information to our advantage?
Professor: Well, if you were ever going to kill someone you would want to bury them in wet ground.
Student: Like a swamp?
Professor, with evil grin: A swamp would be ideal.
–Electromagnetics Lecture, Columbia University
Man #1: Yeah, I also been in jail in Texas, Alabama, and Georgia.
Man #2: I admire you, man. You been places.
–LIRR from East NY to Jamaica
