Southern girl: I got guys asking me to send them pictures of my cooter. It’s like guys know when you’re taken; they flock to you like bees to moldy bread.
–3 train
Southern girl: I got guys asking me to send them pictures of my cooter. It’s like guys know when you’re taken; they flock to you like bees to moldy bread.
–3 train
Cute Asian girl: I feel like I'm in high school again, except the person I'm dating is female and a really good kisser, and the guy I'm plotting to seduce is my professor. What's wrong with my life?
Friend: I think you need to either learn to live without penis, or realize that kissing men isn't scary.
Cute Asian girl: Kissing women is scary too! But I happen to really enjoy kissing Christina.
Friend: Okay, so if you want to do your professor so badly, don't you think he might be a good kisser too?
Cute Asian girl: There are so many things you can do with a guy that don't involve kissing…
Friend: Again… Get over penis or start kissing men!
Cute Asian girl: It isn't that simple!
–Uptown 2 Train
Chick 1: So he was hot but you didn't call him back because he was descended from royalty and his family was assassinated?
Chick 2: More or less. And he asked me to decorate his apartment 13 minutes after I met him.
Chick 1: But he was half Greek.
Chick 2: And half Syrian.
Chick 1: Oh.
–L Train
Two men walking arm-in-arm down 8th Ave. in Chelsea: “Wait, I don’t get it. You mean you want to date, like, girls?”
Woman: Two retarded people would find each other. Still, they’ll make a good couple.
–Burger King, Bensonhurst
Guy: Has anyone ever accidentally dated you and your sister at the same time?
–Diner, 22nd and 9th
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Girl #1: You don't like him.
Girl #2: You don't even like him–and you date him!
–New York Law School
20-something girl to much older date: So do you smoke weed?
Guy: Not so much anymore.
20-something girl: Me either… Not much… I mean, it's been a long time… But I do know this awesome guy on St. Mark's who gives me cheap pipes and has great shit. He always has something new for me.
Guy, after pause: Actually, it sounds like you smoke a lot.
20-something girl, after embarrassed pause: Well… I buy a lot of gifts.
–G Train
Hipster girl, clearly on first date: So what do you do?
Hipster guy, in deadpan voice: I'm an animal trainer for the circus.
(unbearably long pause)
Hipster girl: Wow.
–The Gate, Park Slope
Floozy #1, at fancy restaurant: I don't know if I can date him. Some of his dance moves were just not what I would call “heterosexual.”
Floozy #2: Yeeeeah, but it's really hard to dance heterosexually to house music.
–Monkey Bar, Midtown East
