Professor guy: What was the number one cause of death for pioneer women in the 1800s?
Chick: Beauty.
–Touro College Women’s Division, Lexington Avenue
Professor guy: What was the number one cause of death for pioneer women in the 1800s?
Chick: Beauty.
–Touro College Women’s Division, Lexington Avenue
Hipster girl: And he's always like, "oh god, I'm so hard!" and I'm always just like, "really?"
–Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU
Loud passenger: I'm so horny I'd fuck a potato right now.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: fingerling
Guy: I've had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid.
–Hard Rock Cafe
Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner.
–McCarren Park, Williamsburg
Overheard by: kalbijim
Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we're talking about Mexicans and drowning?
–Williamsburg
Chick #1: Ahh! Why am I, like, sweating?
Chick #2: What is your shirt made of, cotton?
Chick #1: Well, it’s from Forever 21, so it’s probably dead Chinese children.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Magnolia Thunderpussy
Girl #1: Where was Liz last night?
Girl #2: Oh, you didn’t hear?
Girl #1: Hear what?
Girl #2: She went to her boyfriend’s grandmother’s 82nd birthday!
Girl #1: Oh, that’s sweet. Why are you so upset by that?
Girl #2: Her boyfriend’s grandmother died four years ago! Apparently the family has been celebrating it every year! They have a cake with candles and everything.
–16th & 7th
Girl #1: I don't understand why parents are upset when babies die…it's not like they've accomplished anything.
Girl #2: I think there's more to it than that.
–Howard Ave, Staten Island
Hobo to teen girl with red hands: Wow, your hands are so red. You must have a condition. Yeah, that’s what it must be, a condition. You know, I have a condition, too. I’m a werewolf.
–4 train
Girl: Jewish lesbians? Are you kidding me? They don’t exist. That’s like vampire cowboys.
–16th St & Park Ave South
Overheard by: C-Star
30-ish alternaguy: No, man, he was like a mer-wolf… You know, like a mermaid and a werewolf in one.
–Spring & Lafayette
Hot blonde: But we really are just male elves with long hair and boobs!
–140th & Broadway
Overheard by: Three-Headed Monster
Dude on cell: Yeah and then she started whinnying in excitement right on top of me, like a fucking unicorn or some shit… Yeah, I guess it was pretty hot.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Shane
Small, excited Mexican child: Is it zombies? I know — it’s the Grim Reaper!
–D train, 36th St atation
Overheard by: Jon A.
Guy #1: Yeah, I’m going home again next month. My parents are sort of obsessed with me because I’m an only child.
Guy #2: You’re an only child? Oh man, I feel so bad for your parents. They are going to be so depressed when you die.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Shoshana
Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!
–Flushing, Queens
Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.
–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights
Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!
–Deli at 33rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?
–BxM10 Bus
Overheard by: bxgirl
Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!
–30th Ave, Astoria
Woman #1: Didn’t she send her children to Israel?
Woman #2: No, that was Germany. It was free, one of those “Sorry we killed your family, come back and see us sometime” things.
–Sunnyside, SI
Guy to other guy: You might be dead and I might be in jail, but I’ll still kick yo ass.
–Vanderbilt Ave near Grand Central
