Guy: Hey, is this the train that stops at that museum?
Girl: Which museum? The art museum?
Guy: No, the other one with all the bones and dead animals.
Girl: Ew. Why would you wanna go someplace like that?
–C train
Guy: Hey, is this the train that stops at that museum?
Girl: Which museum? The art museum?
Guy: No, the other one with all the bones and dead animals.
Girl: Ew. Why would you wanna go someplace like that?
–C train
Woman on cell: I feel bad about ripping the kid off, but…
–Fort Greene Park
Overheard by: Zoe
Suit: Well, apparently I’m part psychic and part asshole.
–Union Square
Overheard by: quite the combo
Blue collar guy: I stopped giving to panhandlers 10 years ago. This guy hit me up every day at my stop and one day I gave him a sandwich and some cigarettes. I watched him and he threw the sandwich away. I went over to him and worked him over pretty bad. I dumped the trash can and took out the sandwich and then took the cigarettes away from him. Then I knocked him down again and took all the money out of his pockets. I was really mad when he threw that sandwich away. Now I never give anything to those guys.
Suit: Yep…
–1 train, Houston St
Overheard by: Amused Minnesotan
Woman on cell: You see, this is why you just can’t be nice to people. I was nice to her once, once! And now she thinks we’re friends. Like I need this!
–Bus stop near Radio City Music Hall
Yuppie on cell: I don’t give a fuck about them. As long as I’m on their will, I don’t really give a shit.
–34th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Gunita
Girl: So my grandma died last week and it sucked so bad, I had to drive all the way to Hartford on Saturday and I totally missed the huge sale at H&M.
–Statue of Liberty
Overheard by: SuziQ
Woman on cell: Are you really surprised that Marcus turned out to be a serial killer?
–Times Square
Overheard by: shex
College dude on cell: No, the entire male species is going to die, remember?
–Times Square
Overheard by: glad i’m a girl.
Aviator-wearing rocker wannabe: Dude, seriously, think about it. Why aren’t there more serial killers?!
–Union Square West at 16th St
Guy: You know, I pray for the days when I find bodies…
–Lorimer St & Metropolitan Ave
Columbia newspaper reporter: Dude, you can’t just kill one person and be a serial killer. You have to work up to being a serial killer.
–Columbia Spectator Office
Overheard by: And you know from experience?
Cashier to friend: Yeah, there’s this couple that comes in every week and rents serial killer movies.
–Brooklyn Video Rental Store
Overheard by: tiff
Conductor: Thank you for riding MTA, and remember to smile. You’ll confuse the people who want to kill you!
–L train
Overheard by: Paige
Caller: Do you have Pavarotti tickets for 2008?
Customer relations rep: Um… No. You do know he passed away, right?
Caller: Yes, but he’s on the program for 2008.
–New York Philharmonic
Nurse: I once had a patient die on me. That shit stressed me out!
–E 16th St
Overheard by: wendy chin
Talkative hobo, seeing woman holding papers about Africa: What's up in Africa? You don't look African.
Dignified woman: I used to work in Angola.
Talkative hobo: That's the best kind of job to have, where they pay to send you all over the world. Damn, I bet it costs $2000 to fly to Angola if you were paying for it out of your own pocket.
Dignified woman: Actually, it costs more than that. It's about $4000 to fly to Angola and back from here.
Talkative hobo: Holy shit! $4000 to fly to Angola and back? Do you know how much weed I could buy for $4000? I could sit my ass in the park all day and smoke myself to death! Damn!
–1 Train
Wholesome-looking man, walking with several families with kids and carrying a cross: Jesus Christ died for our sins today so that we can all give blowjobs whenever we want!
–Union Square
Girl with food: Do you think I'll get on the JumboTron if I deep throat this pickle?
–MSG: Rangers – Caps Playoff Game
40-something, during high school reunion: How dare you tell my husband I gave you a blowjob? I was a virgin in high school!
–Outside Jake's Dillemma
Women on cell: I told him, if he didn't start shampooing his pubes I would stop blowing him!
–14th St & 9th Ave
Middle-aged Romanian: I heard he gives better BJs than Santa Claus!
–Astoria
Overheard by: Crazy Romanians
Girl on phone: Did he actually try to kill you, or is this like the time at the supermarket when you thought the cashier was coming onto you because he touched your hand giving you change?
–Time Square
HR person: I don't want to whack her until I have to. But I probably will.
–Broadway
Little boy to mom: Mommy, what does it feel like to die?
–7th & Carroll, Park Slope
Well-dressed man on cell: I know, we need to make sure that none of them live.
–8th St & Broadway
Seven-year-old girl to mom, after being scolded: I'm going to kill you.
–4 Train
Long Island woman: Well, sure, it's a great place if you want to be raped and murdered every day.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Cori
Child: Mommy! Mommy! [Pointing at track worker] Look, that man is going to kill himself.
Mom: No, honey, he is just fixing the tracks so we don’t crash with another train.
Child: So that means he is saving our lives by risking his. What a dumbass!
–7 train
Overheard by: Feziie Fez
Professor guy: What was the number one cause of death for pioneer women in the 1800s?
Chick: Beauty.
–Touro College Women’s Division, Lexington Avenue
