Tourist lady: Excuse me, where is West 54th Street?
Guy: You’re on it.
Tourist lady: Do you know where Jay Leno is?
Guy: Los Angeles.
–W 54th & 6th
Overheard by: shankalicious
Tourist lady: Excuse me, where is West 54th Street?
Guy: You’re on it.
Tourist lady: Do you know where Jay Leno is?
Guy: Los Angeles.
–W 54th & 6th
Overheard by: shankalicious
Tourist hubby: Excuse me, how can I get to Broadway?
New Yorker: Take the A, C, L, J, or Z downtown — remember, downtown — all the way to Broadway Junction. It’s fairly far, but you can’t miss it.
Tourist wifey: Wow, New Yorkers are not the assholes people say they are.
–Union Square subway station
Overheard by: Ting
Man #1: Can you tell me where I can get the F train to Brooklyn from here?
Man #2: Are you sure you want to do that?
–Union Square
Overheard by: alexandra
Flight attendant on intercom: If you need any additional lighting, just reach up and press the grey button above your seat.
Passenger presses the ‘Call attendant’ button.
Flight attendant: That wasn’t the grey button.
–JFK
NYU chick #1: How do we get there?
NYU chick #2: The yellow line!
WASP lady screaming: There’s no yellow line! There are numbers and letters, no colors!
NYU chick #1: God! What a bitch!
WASP lady: Damn straight I’m a bitch! Get the fuck out of town!
–Union Square
Overheard by: um, I agree
Teen boy tourist #1: Okay, finally we’re on the damn train.
Teen boy tourist #2: Yeah, for real. Take forever, god!
Teen boy tourist #1: Hey, you know, those people lied to us! They said we can take the N, but this one is going to 14th Street, too. I read the map.
Teen boy tourist #2: Why did they lie to us?
Teen boy tourist #1: Probably because we were acting like such tourists. That’s probably what they do, just stand in the subway waiting to prey on confused tourist kids.
Teen boy tourist #2: We should get some iPods. That would fix it.
Teen boy tourist #1: Why would that fix it?
Teen boy tourist #2: Look around. I count five people on this train with iPods. They make you look ‘New York.’
–Downtown W train
Overheard by: The N would have gotten you there faster…
Headline by: Sean Boudreau
Runners-Up:
· “But the fold up maps make us look like we’re from Jersey.” – Jeff
· “For every ipod in the subway, apple kills a tourist” – monkey
· “Know What Else Is Authentic? Gunshot Wounds” – J.M. Berger
· “Losing The “God Hates Fags” Shirts Would Also Help” – miss c
· “New York: Uhh, Lose Ten Pounds, Convert to Judaism, and Maybe We’ll Talk” – salute deez nuts
· “Nobody tell them about the secret handshake” – Destroyer
· “Sure, you can buy the ipod, but the disaffected stare can only be acquired from years of indifference” – morgz
· “That look isn’t new york, it’s contempt” – squirrel
· “You can keep them in your fanny packs” – jh
Thug in Navigator: Hey! Where’s Brooklyn Bridge at from here?
Guy in car: Uhhh…
Queer in back seat: You’re asking three white guys in a Connecticut car? Fuck! You ain’t gonna make it.
–Flatbush Ave, off the BQE
Overheard by: TK, third guy from CT who didn’t know either
Drunk southern sailor: Yo! Where can we get some punani? Dave needs to milk it! I have a girlfriend, and he’s got a girlfriend, but I’m throwing that to the wind and getting on it
Sailor #2: No way man, we’re in our whites.
–12th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: cp
Conductor: Last stop, Grand Central Terminal. Remember, don’t drink and drive, but if you are going to take the train, drink ’til you go blind. Have a nice evening.
–Metro North, Grand Central
Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. Next stop, uh… Franklin… naw, that’s not it. Well, let’s go.
–Brooklyn bound R train
Overheard by: Matt Hartwick
Conductor, to woman standing halfway in the motorman’s booth flirting with him: Wanna drive?
–7 train
Overheard by: Margarita
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is not roll call. This is not Mickey Mouse roll call. Stand clear of the closing doors.
–4 train, Wall St
Overheard by: Pandora
Conductor: Please step in and watch the closing doors… Sir. Move your stuff out of the doors so I can close them! Motherfucker gonna make me late… gonna make us all late!
–Queens bound R train
Overheard by: Jay Kay
Conductor: We are now approaching 161st Street, Yankee Stadium. If you’re not getting off here, you should. Go see the second half of the Boston Massacre. Have a good day.
–Uptown 4 train
Overheard by: Helena the Great
Conductor: There is no V train service on the weekends. Get on this train. I repeat, there is no V train service on the weekends. What are you waiting for? Just get on my train!
–Downtown E train
Overheard by: tyler ann
Man, boarding downtown E: This is the downtown E?
Woman: Yes.
Man: You sure?
Woman: I’m positive.
Man: Aight, ’cause if those numbers start gettin’ bigger, yo head gonna get bigger, bitch.
–E train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Ivan
