Wednesdays Wet Their One-Liners

Girl: So then I said "mother, I am 20 years old and you cannot tell me I can't go to Wet 'n Wild!"

–Central Park

Overheard by: Quella

Weird chick: Eeeeek! That toilet is flooding! My Payless shoes are getting wet! My beautiful Payless shoes! All this water looks like that movie, The Blob! Oh, I hate you, Steve McQueen! I hate you, I hate you!

–Women's Restroom, Port Authority

Overheard by: Amber Star

Drunk girl to drunker friend who spilled beer on her lap: Again with the vaginal wetness?

–LIRR

Guy to a girl in laundromat: Why can't you dry your underwear? Is that because they're so used to being wet when you're wearing them?

–1st. Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: Mike

Girl to boy: So about this whole wet dream thingy…

–C Train

Posted on August 12, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Central Park, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Horny, Laundromat, Movies, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Port Authority, Questions, Shoes, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

But I Don't Smile for the Camera Anymore

Drunken woman: Know what? If he does that one more time I'm gonna nail-file my teeth down to my brain.
Drunken man: I did that once. Not as bad as you'd think.

–BBQ Place, Times Square

Posted on August 3, 2009
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Restaurants & Cafes, Times Square, Weirdness

If You Like This Quote, You'll Love Gaby Hoffmann and Christina Ricci in 200 Cigarettes

Drunk suburban girl: Come on! Let's go dance around in the fountain and take pictures of it! I love this city!
Begrudgingly sober suburban girl: Fuck this city. If we don't make the 12:37 back I'm going to drown you in that fountain.

–W 48th St

Posted on July 31, 2009
Dancing, Drunks, Girls, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Pictures, Threats

…Hint, Hint.

Duane Reade employee, pointing to back of store: You can't go in there, the floor's just been waxed.
Swaying drunk girl: So has my vagina, that doesn't mean people aren't allowed in there!

–Duane Reade

Posted on July 30, 2009
Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Duane Reade, Girls, Promiscuity, Vagina, Waxing

Ever Imagine a World in Which the Subway Does Not Exist?

Drunk girl: Are you too drunk to drive?
Drunker girl: Fuck you. Indeed I am.
(she drives off)

–Matsumoto Inc.

Posted on July 24, 2009
Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Insults, Office

Ah, the Circle Of Life

Drunk 20-something girl: Can I get fries for four dollars? I have four dollars. I need fries.
Waiter: No.
Sober 20-something homeless guy: I'll buy you fries.
Drunk 20-something girl: Oh my god, you're such a lifesaver. Do you want some weed?

–Diner, 14th St & 6th Ave

Posted on July 16, 2009
Baristas, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Hobos, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village, Weed, Wishes & desires

Wednesday Keeps Popping Out One-Liners

Drunk woman to another: Well, I will see your divorce and raise you an illegitimate pregnancy!

–Court St & Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn

Girl to super skinny girl: You look pregnant, I think I have a clothes hanger in my locker. You wanna come up and check with me?

–1st Ave & 3rd St

Dad holding baby to wife with another kid in stroller: Somebody's about to get pregnant up in here… It'll be like Maury Povich.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: NOT the father

Dude on bus to child: See, women, they get to grow people. And in exchange, we get to pee standing up.

–Q64 Bus

Overheard by: a people-grower

Girl to friend: You always seem to get pregnant at the worst times.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: Jenn

Girl to friend: I'm feeling fertile. Who's going to tend to that feeling for me?

–2 Train

Latino guy to friends: That's what my name means in Portuguese, "pregnancy test positive."

–84th Drive, Queens

Posted on July 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Bus, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Families, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Kids, Languages, Latinos, Malls, Moms, Names, Offers and requests, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Pee, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Skinny People, Street, Stupidity, Threats, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Can You Say Hi to Paula Abdul for Me?

Old lady: Where is this bus going?
Drunk girl: To the moon!
Old lady: Really?

–2nd St & 2nd Ave

Posted on July 9, 2009
Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Old People, Public Transportation, Questions, Union Square and East Village

Things Got Awkward When They Brought Up Aaron

Drunk hipster: God, I just loved Charlie, why did they have to kill him?
Drunk 30-something: No, I'd do Locke, even with his crazy eye.
Drunk hipster: Oh, Sawyer's a babe.
Drunk 30-something: No shit! I'd drink beer out of his shoe.

–Sin Sin Bar, East Village

Overheard by: not as drunk

Headline by: erak

Runners-Up:
· “…And Freebase the Smoke Monster” – DCGeek
· “I’d Drink Beer Out Of a Lot Of Things, Though” – Paul. R
· “This Could Totally Be Me and My Friends” – james
· “Yeah, Well I’d Lick Jam Off Sayed’s Back Bro….” – Ria

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 9, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Headline Contest Winners, Hipsters, Murder, Questions, Shoes, TV, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Remember This Tomorrow

Drunk girl to friend: No, 'cause my kids are gonna be city kids and your kids are gonna be country kids and my kids aren't gonna wanna talk to your kids!

–University Place & 12th

Overheard by: Mikalena

Drunk white girl: Who owns New York City? Who's got it on lock down more than Jay-Z?

–8th St & 3rd Ave

Drunken girl to friend: He's divorced. Is it okay if I fuck him?

–E 14th St

Overheard by: Mimi

Drunken bro, stumbling into hookah bar with friends: Do you think they have penis flavor?!

–Hookah Bar, 1st Ave

Drunk frat boy, sitting in trash can, drinking Bacardi Mojito bottle: This is the end man! This is the fucking end!

–Church & Canal

Overheard by: Ben

Drunk girl on phone: Hello? What happened? Your dad died? Oh…what? Your dog died? Oh, I though you said your dad died. Wait…are you laughing or crying? Cuz if you're crying, I hate you. Sorry, I'm on the train right now, and I'm drunk off my ass.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Igor Petrov

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Kids, Laughter, Man's Best Friend, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Penn Station, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

Drunks