Fashion

Acute Case of Wednesday One-Liners

Female coworker to another: You look so cute! I didn’t recognize you!

–Hudson & Vandam

Buff man carrying small, pink, frilly umbrella: I better not hear anyone call me cute.

–Canal & Mulberry

Overheard by: Courtney Messer

Chick on cell: Mom, cute is a puppy dog. Cute is an Anne Geddes photo. Cute is not a 25-year-old guy fluent in sarcasm. Stop trying to set me up with him.

–Hudson St

Woman looking at Salvador Dali painting: That is so cute!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Does she kill puppies for fun?

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Nouveau Riche

Female shopper to Bloomingdale's cologne sprayer: Don't you dare spray your $30 over my $150.

–Perfume Aisle, Bloomingdale's

Old lady on cell: I mean, it's just five million…

–Madison & 77th St

Very rich mom to new nanny, about baby in stroller: Okay, well, she loves sushi, and…

–Upper East Side

Rich teen: I asked my mom to go to Louis Vuitton with me this weekend and she was like, "we're in a recession, let's go to Dolce."

–42nd St

Overheard by: I want a m6

Label-whore eating grapes and cheese, to friend: Oh my god, I feel so rich when I eat this stuff… Oh, wait, I am.

–Paul's Cafe

Birthday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: My girlfriend's birthday is tomorrow. (pause) I don't know. Maybe a bong.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Steve Popovich

Girl to friend: I just wanted to hook up with him because we had the same birthday.

–8th St & 5th Ave

Rent cast member (shouting over shoulder): I turn 34 on Friday, I'm old but at least I made it past Jesus.

–Nederlander Theatre

Woman arguing loudly with her mother in the laundromat: My 30th birthday is gonna be ruined if we don't go to the wax museum!

–4th Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn

Guy handing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it's free, it's free! Oh, and happy birthday to me today, thank you very much for remembering it! Oh, what a lovely day…

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: Eve

It’s Too Hard Pretending to Be Who I Already Am

Metrosexual: Have you gone to that hair salon I told you about?
Scruffy artist: I walked by…
Metrosexual: It’s beautiful.
Scruffy artist: I can’t go in. It’s too hipster.
Metrosexual: No! It’s anti-hipster.
Scruffy artist: Well, I can’t do the cultural math.

–Ft Greene apartment building lobby

The Thin Line Between Disney and Kink: Encapsulated.

College boy: I used to work with those people who dress up as cartoon characters.
College girl: Ohhhh! You mean furries?

–Pratt Institute

It Reeks of Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: When I point, everybody smell collard greens.

–6 train

He Had His Big Poppa Pumps On

Dude #1: Easy, Big Poppa, you’re stepping on my shoes.
Dude #2: Sorry, it’s a little crowded in here.
Dude #1: I can tell.
Dude #2: But I love it when you call me Big Poppa.
Dude #1: Seriously, get off my shoes.

— train

Want Some?

Thug, talking about fanny pack: What is that? Your change purse?
Thugette: Nigga, that's my insulin!

–1 Train

It Depends on What’s Hot This Season

Man #1: I don’t want black shoes. They get too hot in the summer.
Man #2: That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. How much surface area of your shoes actually faces the sun?

–Office, East 45th Street

Overheard by: l.k.

“…Go stand by her, by the edge.”

Asian chick: So that’s it, then?
Asian guy: Yep.
Asian chick: We’re breaking up, then?
Asian guy: Yep.

A few minutes pass.

Asian chick: Hey, you’d look good with that girl up there in the pink checked coat.

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: Taffy Doublewide

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