Wednesday One-Liners’ Hometowns Were Glad to See Them Go

Brit lady, to MTA booth lady: Two adults, please. We’ll be getting off around 58th Street.

–14th St F station

Overheard by: Fidget

Tourist: Excuse me, does the F train stop here?

–Subway sandwiches, Houston & Lafayette

Tourist woman, loudly: Jeany? How many stops are we going on this train?

–Times Square shuttle

Overheard by: nevermind

Tourist: Excuse me, which way is it to Upper Town?

–Broadway & Worth

Overheard by: dukes

Tourist: Is this now the Grand Canyon of the East Coast?

–Ground Zero

Tourist: My plane doesn’t leave for 4 hours. Can I walk to the Statue of Liberty from here?

–La Guardia Airport

Overheard by: Jose Hernandez

Tourist, leading a group of more than a dozen fellow tourists: Okay, I… um…don’t know where we are now…Oh, wait! Yes I do! We’re at the South Street Seaport!

–Union Square

Blonde: Look, there’s the Chrysler. Look, there’s Times Square. Where’s the Empire State Building?

–Top of Empire State Building

Overheard by: englishman in new york

Tourist, to deck hand: I can’t see the Statue of Liberty. Would you please move the lifeboat out of the way while I take a picture?

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Steven Lowell

Posted on April 16, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Directions, Empire State Building, Foreigners, Ground Zero, LaGuardia Airport, NYC Geography, On the Bus, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Staten Island Ferry, Statue of Liberty, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

I Grudgingly Obey the Laws of This Godless Democracy

Middle East man, exiting his vendor cart: But I miss you!
Retreating American woman: You have, like, five wives and three girlfriends.
Middle East man: No! I do not!

–13th & 5th

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on April 9, 2019
Default, Foreigners, Islam, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Relationships, The Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Women

First-Come, First-Served Is a Pretext for Discrimination!

[A woman creates her own line and walks up to the counter.]Postal employee: Ma’am, you have to wait in line.
Latino woman: I was in the esspress line.
Postal employee: We don’t serve espresso here ma’am, this is the post office.
Latino woman: What? You think I’m stoopid? I have less than ten items.
Postal employee: There is no express line at the post office, please wait in line like the other people.
Latino woman: Oh… I see how it is.
Postal employee: Happy holidays, ma’am.
Latino woman: Fuck you too.

–Post Office, 14th Street & Avenue A

Overheard by: texmorgan

Posted on March 2, 2019
9 to 5-ers, Default, Etiquette, Foreigners, Insults, Language Barrier, Latinos, Offers and requests, Post Office, Union Square and East Village, Women, Words

Is No Nationality Immune from This Line Of Reasoning?

Midwestern tourist: Is she Spanish or retarded?
New Yorker: Retarded.

–19th St & 8th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Danny

Posted on January 7, 2019
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Midwesterners, Park Slope, Questions, Retardation

Natives Learn to Reply with a Big Middle Finger

Activist: Do you have a few minutes for the environment?
Pedestrian: I don't live here.
Activist: That's okay, the environment's everywhere.

–5th Ave & 16th St

Posted on December 17, 2018
Activists, Animals & Nature, Foreigners, Strangers, Union Square and East Village

I Believe He Goes by “Mr. Magic Dragon” Now

Foreign girl: How is your puffy friend?
American guy: What?
Foreign girl: You know, the puffy! (hold out her hands to indicate fatness)
American guy: Oh, yeah, he's good.

–89th & 2nd

Overheard by: Tom

Posted on December 12, 2018
Diet/Weight, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Physical appearance, Questions, Upper East Side, Words

Wednesday One-Liners for Diane Keaton

Straight guy in hot pink underwear: Yeah, I've fallen asleep in deer stands, and all kinds of weird places.

–Gold's Gym, 54th St

Overheard by: Johnny V

Girl on cell: His hair is wiry and weird. He had a party and sold raffle tickets, the winner got to restyle his hair. He's weird.

–1 Train

Overheard by: whirlygirlie518

White teen girl to friends: No, no, no! I told you guys, if I marry a Japanese, then there's all that weird sex stuff. I'm marrying Korean. They're adorable, and don't have that weird communism thing the Chinese do.

–Chinatown

Girl from Nashville on cell: They serve like weird pasta here with weird vegetables and weird meat. My favorite meal here is breakfast. I am so ready to go home!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: D-Law

Posted on December 4, 2018
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Celebrations/Parties, Chinatown, Food, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Guys, Gyms, Hair, Home, Sweet Home, LaGuardia Airport, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Southerners, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Hey, If You Can’t Stand the Melting, Get Out of the Pot

Arab cabbie yelling at man on bike: Motherfucker!
Woman on side of road: Nice language, towel-head!

–Near Rockefeller Ice Rink

Posted on November 9, 2018
Cars and Driving, Foreigners, Taxis

Wednesday One-Liners Flunk the Polygraph

Woman on cell: I can't come. I'm in the Poconos right now.

–Rite Aid, The Bronx

Punk girl on phone: Hi mom…yeah… Yeah, me and Jane are just walking around in the neighborhood… Yeah, we're at the Time Warner center right now. No! No, of course I'm not on St. Mark's. No. I'd never go there. Of course I'm sober! Why wouldn't I be? Yeah. Okay, love you, bye! (hangs up phone, now to friend with beer) Gimme some of that!

–St. Mark's Place

Russian guy on phone (in Russian): Yeah, I'm on Avenue M. I just got off, I'll be there in a few.

–Q Train, Kings Highway

Overheard by: Robert

Dude on cell: Yo! What's up? I'm waiting at LaGuardia.

–Martin Luther King High School

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm on Long Island right now. I'll be here for a little while.

–Park Slope

Female suit on phone: I have to cancel dinner tonight, I had that meeting I told you about, remember? And I'm still not back yet. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in Jersey still.

–Washington Square Park

Woman on cell outside a pub: Honey? It's mommy. We're still at the hospital. I don't know, we could still be here for hours.

–1st & 72nd

Overheard by: Well, there were hospitals nearby, at least

Posted on September 16, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Fast Times at New York High, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Lies, Lower East Side, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Punks, Street, Suits, The Bronx, Time, Tourism, Travel, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Foreigners

Is No Nationality Immune from This Line Of Reasoning?