Woman: You think that's bad…I did blow off my boyfriend's rock-hard abs on my kitchen counter…and I'm married with three kids.
Friend: Did he do blow off your boobs?
Woman: No…it'd fall off!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Victoria
Woman: You think that's bad…I did blow off my boyfriend's rock-hard abs on my kitchen counter…and I'm married with three kids.
Friend: Did he do blow off your boobs?
Woman: No…it'd fall off!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Victoria
Puzzled guy on cell: What kind of girl calls you a "cuddly wuddly bear" and doesn't go out with you?
–The Village
Overheard by: Greene
Hobo: Hey there, folks! I'm Yogi Bear! Have you seen Ranger Rick?
–Gray's Papaya
Overheard by: Zach
Woman on cell: I'm glad the evil bear didn't kill you in your sleep!
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk girl to sober companion: Oh my god, I saw this dog the other day. It was a bear!
–Tick-Tock Diner
Outraged girl on cell: She's anti-polar bear?
–NYU Campus
Overheard by: nina
Teen on cell: Man, it's really hard to be bi-curious around gay guys you don't like.
–L Train
Older gay man: Oh, it must be wonderful to be bisexual! I mean, bilingual.
–69th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ana
Girl to friend: My boyfriend is bi. I told him I didn't want him making out with other girls. Other boys are fine, because they don't kiss on the mouth as much.
–Europa Cafe, 53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Sam
Large black man on cell: Yeah, you know, baby, this is the city. Eeeeverybody's bisexual!
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Modern Guilt
Guy sitting at bar: I live in the ghetto. And there's a lot of crackheads. But I'm not attracted to them.
–Mojito Loco, Brooklyn
Crackhead to gay boy: Yo, gay boy! When a crackhead asks you a question you answer!
–110th St Station
Guy to friend: The only reason I quit cigarettes was because crack ended up being cheaper.
–NYU Bobst Library
Girl on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't buy that crack then. (pause) Oh.
–Columbia University College Walk
Girl leaving class: And then we took the contraceptive and put it on our face.
Friend: Boy, this conversation would be awkward out of context.
–NY Law, Worth & Church
Overheard by: Louie Q
20-something: He said he murdered someone.
Friend: He's so cute!
20-something: I know!
–N Train
Fat preppy girl: Oh my god! Is that a rhinoceros? I didn't know they still existed!
Friend: Yeah, that's one right there.
Fat preppy girl: But I thought dinosaurs were extinct?
–Bronx Zoo
Headline by: JohnAustin
Runners-Up:
· “Apparently, You’ve Never Watched “The View”” – PeterG
· “No, Just My Faith in Our Education System” – Jeff
· “She Thinks That About Salads Too” – Tom
· “That Would Explain Why the Hippo Looked So Real!” – Pat
· “This Is a Creationist Zoo” – Coyoty
· “Why Didn’t You TELL Me We’re in a Museum?” – Emily Leonard
· “You’re Confusing It With the Do-Ya-Think-He-Saurus” – Skug Skellum
Rangers fan, about two players who are brothers: No, they're like the same age. They've gotta be like four or five months apart.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: helenathegreat
Blonde to blonde friend, looking outside from Legally Blonde theater: Oh, wow, it's still light out.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jaime and Bridget
Girl to friend: I don't even know how long ago one minute ago was.
–New Year's Eve, Times Square
Overheard by: Kristina
Girl, pointing to turkey walking around: Look at the peacock, it's so pretty!
–Central Park
Lady on cell: I told her she was an ungrateful b-i-c-t-h!
–14D Bus
Overheard by: Evan Wilson
Hobo, yelling to crowd: The stimulus plan won't work! The banks have no money! We need to stimulate the banks! You know how? Cocaine and hookers!
–53rd st & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Andrew
Professor: I knew the economy was bad when I saw Saks had layaway. Layaway is for Wal-Mart, not Saks!
–NYU Law
Guy on phone with mother: No, mom! I'm not going to walk on Wall St today. (pause) Because I don't feel like getting hit by a falling body, that's why.
–Broadway & John St
Asian metrosexual to friend entering clothing store: No, I wanna stimulate the economy!
–SoHo
Overheard by: Galatea
Cute young professional: I better be able to go into a bar and say, "I have a job, and it's recession proof. Wanna see what my bed and a Magnum condom look like?"
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Lindsay D.
Guy on cell: I'm telling you, when a place like that switches from Charmin to Duane Reade toilet paper, you know the economy is in the shitter.
–Great Jones & Broadway
Gay guy to friend on phone: Oh my god, she's not answering her phone? She's having sex. If she's not answering her phone, then she is definitely having sex. Hang up now, because she's having sex.
–Union Square
Overheard by: 1-900-Leave-A-Message
Flamboyant gay on cell: And oh. My. God. Let me just tell you about the cock. The fucking cock. It was eight inches of fucking perfection. I swear to god! It was beautiful. And I was always thinking like, "He's so perfect, there has to be something wrong with him. He must curve to the left or something." But no. I want to take pictures of it.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Julia
Hot gay guy: I went shopping, got a 90-minute massage and then started drinking. It's been, like, the best day ever.
–Barrage, 47th & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Flaming gay handler: I was going to wear my gold ankle booties, but I was afraid they'd clash with my Beagle's fur!
–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Amber
20-something gay office worker: He's buying me a wok! I think it's for real! (pause) I'll chicken-fry his rice.
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: spf
Gay to faghag: So, you ready to go? We can talk about vagina at Lincoln center. (pauses, takes in her reaction) No? Too off-topic?
–Subway Restaurant, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: onelinerwonder
