Hobo to girl who just gave him a two-dollar bill: Would you look at that, two dollars! Thomas Jefferson is on this bill. He was a queen. That's right, he was a gay old faggot.
(girl walks away very quickly) Do you want to help me and Thomas Jefferson go to Hawaii? That's right! Hawai-iiiiiii!
–13th & 6th
Girl #1: I think I want to take advanced physics.
Girl #2: What? That's math and science.
Girl #1: I know.
Girl #2: Together.
Girl #3: That's gay.
–Queensborough Community College
Sporty teen girl: So, I'm pretty sure Amy* is a lesbian. She never straightens her hair, and she always wears those coconut earrings…
Blonde friend: You wear coconut earrings.
Sporty teen girl: Yeah, but not every day!
–Central Park
Waiter: Oh, how do you know him?
Queer: I was dating him a while back.
Waiter: Really? Did his wife and kids know that?
–Metropol, W. 4th St.
Obnoxious NYU student on phone: Hey, remember that cute boy in my chemistry class I was telling you about? Well, I totally just saw him in a gay porno!
–Study Room, NYU Dorm
Overheard by: NYU Ears
Patient woman: She's making friends with an old porn star, leave her alone!
–2nd Ave b/w 50th & 51st
Overheard by: sab
Cranky suit to nodding friend: Except for porn and eBay, no one knows how to make money anymore!
–Madison Ave & 47th St
Overheard by: kricka
Girl to friend: This would be a great place to shoot a porno.
–Downstairs Bar, Morimoto Restaurant
iPhone screamer: Yeah, just take the exec-u-table file and put it in the folder. Right the exec-u-table file! I know, the music is funny, like a porno, right?
–33rd St b/w 5th & 6th
Chick: You *know* we're all going to be googling "eggbeater porn" before the night is over.
–Party, 171st & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Twink #1: Gurl, he's everything I ever wanted.
Twink #2: You know you shouldn't bother with straight men. There ain't no point!
Twink #1: That may be true, but you know what they always say: “even an iron bends when it's hot…”
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Marley
Mom: Did you hear Rosie O’Donnell is in Fiddler now?
Son: Why is it that every queer that comes into this city gets cast but me?
–TKTS, Duffy Square
Overheard by: Patrick McTamany
A crazy man mutters to a girl walking by. She ignores him and keeps walking.
Crazy man: God kill all the lesbians. God please kill all the lesbians. Kill the lesbians. God please kill all the lesbians!
Woman on bench: Yeah, I’m sure it’s because she is a lesbian, and had has nothing to do with the fact that he has three combs stuck in his afro and smells like a dead goat.
–Columbus Circle station
Queer: That’s why you never bring a drunk pussy to a gay club.
–17th between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: Robert
Girl on cell: But wait, was she gay or was she lesbian?
–8th & Broadway
Queer on cell: Pussy? You mean Pussy?…No?… No, I know Hibiscus…Is that the one with the boyfriend at the bar?…Pussy!…Well, are you the good witch or the wicked witch? Oh, I guess that won’t work for you, you’ve never seen Wizard of Oz.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: mh
Girl: Oh my God, I hear heterosexual voices!
–18th & 8th
Older guy: I’m still trying to figure out who designed this bathroom. I mean, whoever designed this place wanted something up their ass.
–Pavilion movie theater, Park Slope
Overheard by: Daniel Radosh
Girl: Yeah, but I mean, this gay thing’s gonna be in him forever…
–East Drive, Central Park
Woman on cell: Well, if he wears a dress shirt with really nice jeans, that makes it a little less gay for them.
–4th Avenue & 12th Street
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
RuPaul II: Mmm, I would suck spare rib outta his dick…sauce and all.
–Christopher Street
Guy: Yeah, I don’t like lip rings that much. They get dirty too easily, y’know, from food and sucking cock…
–MacDougal Tattoo, Sullivan Street
Overheard by: gwen limbach
Chelsea boy on cell: Hey, honey, I saw you leave with that hot bartender last night. I’m coming over with a couple of videos and that vinaigrette I borrowed, and you’re telling me everything.
–21st & 7th
Woman: Of course. I’m in and out of the closet all the time.
–Dojo, St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Ellen
Girl on cell: So he told me that sucking cock didn’t make him gay…and I said, “How’s that if you never go down on me?”…fucking faggot!
–F train
Queer: Wow, he’s cute.
Straight guy: Yeah… So, do you want to fuck him?
Queer: No, I want him to fuck me.
–Central Park
