Waiter: Oh, how do you know him?
Queer: I was dating him a while back.
Waiter: Really? Did his wife and kids know that?
–Metropol, W. 4th St.
Waiter: Oh, how do you know him?
Queer: I was dating him a while back.
Waiter: Really? Did his wife and kids know that?
–Metropol, W. 4th St.
Obnoxious NYU student on phone: Hey, remember that cute boy in my chemistry class I was telling you about? Well, I totally just saw him in a gay porno!
–Study Room, NYU Dorm
Overheard by: NYU Ears
Patient woman: She's making friends with an old porn star, leave her alone!
–2nd Ave b/w 50th & 51st
Overheard by: sab
Cranky suit to nodding friend: Except for porn and eBay, no one knows how to make money anymore!
–Madison Ave & 47th St
Overheard by: kricka
Girl to friend: This would be a great place to shoot a porno.
–Downstairs Bar, Morimoto Restaurant
iPhone screamer: Yeah, just take the exec-u-table file and put it in the folder. Right the exec-u-table file! I know, the music is funny, like a porno, right?
–33rd St b/w 5th & 6th
Chick: You *know* we're all going to be googling "eggbeater porn" before the night is over.
–Party, 171st & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Twink #1: Gurl, he's everything I ever wanted.
Twink #2: You know you shouldn't bother with straight men. There ain't no point!
Twink #1: That may be true, but you know what they always say: “even an iron bends when it's hot…”
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Marley
Mom: Did you hear Rosie O’Donnell is in Fiddler now?
Son: Why is it that every queer that comes into this city gets cast but me?
–TKTS, Duffy Square
Overheard by: Patrick McTamany
A crazy man mutters to a girl walking by. She ignores him and keeps walking.
Crazy man: God kill all the lesbians. God please kill all the lesbians. Kill the lesbians. God please kill all the lesbians!
Woman on bench: Yeah, I’m sure it’s because she is a lesbian, and had has nothing to do with the fact that he has three combs stuck in his afro and smells like a dead goat.
–Columbus Circle station
Queer: That’s why you never bring a drunk pussy to a gay club.
–17th between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: Robert
Girl on cell: But wait, was she gay or was she lesbian?
–8th & Broadway
Queer on cell: Pussy? You mean Pussy?…No?… No, I know Hibiscus…Is that the one with the boyfriend at the bar?…Pussy!…Well, are you the good witch or the wicked witch? Oh, I guess that won’t work for you, you’ve never seen Wizard of Oz.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: mh
Girl: Oh my God, I hear heterosexual voices!
–18th & 8th
Older guy: I’m still trying to figure out who designed this bathroom. I mean, whoever designed this place wanted something up their ass.
–Pavilion movie theater, Park Slope
Overheard by: Daniel Radosh
Girl: Yeah, but I mean, this gay thing’s gonna be in him forever…
–East Drive, Central Park
Woman on cell: Well, if he wears a dress shirt with really nice jeans, that makes it a little less gay for them.
–4th Avenue & 12th Street
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
RuPaul II: Mmm, I would suck spare rib outta his dick…sauce and all.
–Christopher Street
Guy: Yeah, I don’t like lip rings that much. They get dirty too easily, y’know, from food and sucking cock…
–MacDougal Tattoo, Sullivan Street
Overheard by: gwen limbach
Chelsea boy on cell: Hey, honey, I saw you leave with that hot bartender last night. I’m coming over with a couple of videos and that vinaigrette I borrowed, and you’re telling me everything.
–21st & 7th
Woman: Of course. I’m in and out of the closet all the time.
–Dojo, St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Ellen
Girl on cell: So he told me that sucking cock didn’t make him gay…and I said, “How’s that if you never go down on me?”…fucking faggot!
–F train
Queer: Wow, he’s cute.
Straight guy: Yeah… So, do you want to fuck him?
Queer: No, I want him to fuck me.
–Central Park
Meathead #1: I am so getting my dick sucked by the end of the day.
Meathead #2: I'll make sure of it, dude.
Meathead #1: (silence)
–Grand Central
Overheard by: DrNels
Woman: And you are not a lesbian either! You are only gay on weekends.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Adam Bozarth
Teen girl: I know Jimmy’s not gay because he stole my girlfriend.
–R train
Preacher: Mark my words–by sunrise you will be smothered in lesbians.
–53rd & 5th
Overheard by: Kaleena
Thoughtful guy: I always thought that if I were gay I’d be the manlier one. But now that I think about it I’d want to be the girly one for all the free stuff.
–26th & 1st
Overheard by: Charles
Guy on cell: Wait…Christ! It’s gayer than three snaps in Z formation in here.
–The Hangar, Christopher St
Overheard by: TK
Midwestern guy: That is complete bullshit! How do you make a dog gay?
–Century 21
Teen girl: It’s funny talking to him now. I mean, in the eighth grade we knew he was gay, but not take-it-up-the-butt gay.
–Uptown 1 train
Guy on phone: That's not the problem, straight guys who are fatter than me get laid all the time.
–Time Warner Center
Man on cell: Of course I'll recognize you! Unless you got fat!
–Sheep's Meadow, Central Park
Gay black man: Uh uh. Girl, her fat ass will so not make it. You better not bring her here.
–Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: fellow fatass
Excited young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebrity we just met?! The Weight Watchers lady! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Alley! We got her autograph! She's real fat now! We met her in the chocolate store!
–W Broadway & Spring
Overheard by: JR
Fat chick: Do not tell me I'm not a size 4!
–Central Park West
Overheard by: Rich H
