Girl: See that lady over there? She's like…orgasming to her iPod.
Guy: (laughs)
Girl: No, seriously. She's so funny to watch. Who the fuck orgasms to a song?
Guy: I'd orgasm to a good song.
Girl: Yeah? What's a good song?
Guy: That one by Nine Inch Nails. Something like “I Wanna Fuck You Like an Animal.”
(little boy observing animals stares, puzzled)
–Central Park Zoo
Chick: Happy birthday!…What’s your name?
–203 Spring, Spring Street
20-something guy: His beard makes him look like Chuck Norris.
20-something girl: Who?
Bartender: Chuck Norris. He was Walker, Texas Ranger.
20-something guy: You don't know who Chuck Norris is?
20-something girl: I feel like we always talk about Chuck Norris and I have no idea who he is.
–3rd St & Berry, Williamsburg
Overheard by:
Girl: It smells like vagina.
Guy: No, it smells like vaseline or something.
Girl: Really? It smells like ass.
–Radio City
Overheard by:
Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he's like, "I didn't come; why is there so much come all over?" And she's like, "Oh, you're number 23." So he's like, "Oh, okay." And he starts pounding away again!
–Bedford & 11th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Woman, with her mouth about an inch from a guy, about to kiss him: I can't, I already had sex with three guys today.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Derek
Girl to friend: I'm really worried about her. I think she has a serious case of slutism.
–66th & Columbus
Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, so apparently "Happy hour Tuesday" equals "Walk of shame Wednesday." I just wish I could've been working at my job for more than a week before I walked in reeking of shame and spermicide. (pause) Actually, I wish the spermicide thing was true. Then I wouldn't have to drop $50 bucks today on plan B.
–Wall St
Teenage boy on cell: She's still sleeping with my brother. I mean, my brother is sleeping with like ten other girls…but she's in his regular rotation.
–Starbucks, Montague Street
NYU student on cell: But logic doesn't call you back. Logic sleeps with you and leaves in the morning.
–Kimmel Center
Husband pushing carriage to wife: You're lucky I'm on my way to church right now, or I'd kill you.
–Upper West Side
Chick on cell: But the real question is, is he Catholic? And an insomniac?
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Poogins
Sequined Australian drag queen: Well, I know an Antichrist religion when I see it.
–2nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Alisha
Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was little, but like I don't believe him.
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Train conductor: 110th Street, Cathedral Parkway. There are churches here, you know.
–1 Train
Man to woman, after getting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I gotta get over there before she's got to go to church.
–Q Train
Overheard by: spygirl
Black girl on stoop #1: What is the difference between us and white girls?
Black girl on stoop #2: They roll joints?
–16th St & Irving
Overheard by: Kristin
White teen: I don’t think I could date an ugly girl.
Preppy black teen: Yeah…
White teen: I think I’ll just marry a hot one for the sex and cheat on her emotionally with someone who is actually smart.
–Grand Central
Girl #1: Ewww! That doughnut looks like it’s covered in cum.
Girl #2: Mmm… If cum tasted like this I would give head everyday… I wish I tasted like this.
Girl #1: Word.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Alex Berger
Girl #1: And my dad wasn't about to leave his business…
Girl #2: What does your dad do?
Girl #1: Personalized stuffed animals. That's why my middle name…
Girl #2: Teddy.
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Yeah. You are so lucky your dad doesn't deal sex toys. Then you'd be, like, Samantha Dildo.
–10th St & 2nd Ave
