“Pretty Wednesday One-Liner, Walkin' Down the Street…”

Drunken skinny pretty girl: Why is she so mean? I mean I'm a skinny pretty girl. She should not be mean to me!

–Halloween Party, Tribeca

Drunken hobo to girl leaving Sephora: Let me tell ya how to look beautiful. Fill ya buckets with money. Bucketfulla money makes ya look beautiful.

–17th St

Overheard by: Lillian

Voice on loudspeaker: Last call for pretty man. Last call to board for pretty man.

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Jen

60-something woman to tenor, after La Traviata: Finally, an Alfredo who is good-looking!

–Stage Door, Metropolitan Opera

Hobo: I was voted best-looking bum by bum weekly 1996.

–45th & 3rd

Posted on August 4, 2010
Advice, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, LaGuardia Airport, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Physical appearance, Singing, Skinny People, Strangers, Stupidity, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Wanna See You Sweat!

Guy in courtyard, doing pelvic thrusts: Up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and…

–NYU Dorm

Girl to friends: Yeah, after he stopped doing yoga it all went downhill…

–East Village

Guy on cell, screaming: I'm a machine! I'm unstoppable! Who goes out till four in the morning and then destroys a triathlon the next day? I'm a machine!

–91st St & York Ave

50-something yoga instructor: Bring attention to your reproductive organs, squeeze them as hard as you can, and release. Let them go, let them hang loose.

–Yoga Studio

Overheard by: Puff

Conductor: I was watching the winter Olympics speed skating and I got to thinking about the summer Olympics. A New Yorker should win the 100 meter dash. All they have to do is put an open train door at the end of the track and start the race with "boop boop." You know that New Yorker is going to win the gold. Ya'll have a good day now.

–A Train

Overheard by: Commuter #1,792,824

Posted on August 4, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, Fitness, Friends, Girls, Guys, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Sports, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yoga

John Lennon: “All You Need Is Wednesday One-Liner”

Guy on cell: Well, I love you. Hit that little Jewish kid in the back of the head, and I love you.

–St. Mark's

Guy to girl: Yeah, yeah, totally. I love turning nouns into verbs.

–Grahm Ave & Conseleya

Overheard by: Minna

Girlfriend to boyfriend: I love it when you goat me.

–95th St & Broadway

Overheard by: John

Staples manager to coworker: I love these staples!

–Staples Store

Overheard by: venniblue

Guy to girlfriend: Reacharound equals love.

–11th St & 3rd Ave

Posted on August 4, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Bosses, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Coworkers, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Love, Lower East Side, On Cell, One-liners, Race, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wedneslutsday One-Liners

30-something woman on phone: Ma! Jesus, ma. I totally agree with you. (pause) Yeah, he told me to come over when the house was done. (pause) Yeah, fixed up. Jesus, ma. (groan) Yes. No! I'm not a slut. Ma!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: maria

Teen girl to friend: I was living with my grandmother and my girlfriend was studying social work, I was sleeping with men at this time–but I wasn't a slut or anything.

–Westside Tavern, 23rd & 8th

Girl on cell: How many guys did I sleep with? Thirty, forty?

–Pearl St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: CAC Baby from The Glebe

Father on phone with daughter: I didn't raise you to be a fucking whore. If I wanted you to be a whore you think I would've paid for your goddamn degree?

–Washington Square Park

High school freshman to friend: My Spanish teacher called me a slut!

–61st St & Amsterdam Ave

Posted on August 4, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Insults, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Promiscuity, Queens, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Are Your Editors Painfully Uncool for Not Knowing Who That Was?

Girl with coach bag: It's like the Beatles are here (motions with hand) and Flo Rida is here (motions with hand two feet higher)
Asian boy: (stares)
Girl with coach bag: Musical genius!

–St. Mark's Place

Posted on August 1, 2010
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Girls, Music, Singing, Union Square and East Village

Previously He Thought She Was a Muppet.

Girl: I can't believe he's being such an asshole to me! I've enriched his life so much!
Friend: Yeah?
Girl: Yeah! It's because of me that he knows who Lady Gaga is!

–R Train

Overheard by: Soyeon

Posted on July 31, 2010
About Celebrities, Friends, Girls, Insults, Music, On the Subway, Relationships

Sex, Therapy and Interrogation All Require the Same Skills

Girl: Listen to me!
Asian emo boy: What?
Girl: This is what you need to do with your girlfriend so you can fuck her better!

–Mott Street

Posted on July 31, 2010
Advice, Asians, Chinatown, Girls, Sex

Irish, Huh?

Upper East Side girl reading book about knights: Mommy, what does our family crest look like?
Upper East Side mom: Poor people being crushed by a boot.

–Playground, E 72nd St

Overheard by: Dude under the shoe

Posted on July 30, 2010
Books & Writing, Family Ties, Girls, History & Geography, Moms, Money & Class, Upper East Side

Your Editors Are Strangely Aroused

Girl, to no one in particular: This train is so packed! It's thrilling! It feels like sex!
Bemused Aussie: This is what it feels like? Getting crammed up against 200 of your best mates?
Girl: You're right. I must be doing it wrong…

–Packed E Train

Overheard by: Dave

Posted on July 29, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Girls, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation, Sex

But My Wrench Keeps Getting Stuck in Her Undercarriage

Girl, holding guy's hand: Are you dating anyone?
Guy: No.
Girl: I thought you were…
Guy: I have an ex.
Girl: Oh, okay.
Guy: That I've tinkered with for about a month…

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Chris K.

Posted on July 28, 2010
Dating, Girls, Guys, Questions, Relationships, Williamsburg

Girls

Are Your Editors Painfully Uncool for Not Knowing Who That Was?