Girl #1: A hot, sweaty penis is the best feeling.
Girl #2: I know what you mean!
–Starbucks, 78th & Lexington
Girl #1: A hot, sweaty penis is the best feeling.
Girl #2: I know what you mean!
–Starbucks, 78th & Lexington
Homeless man, watching cute little mouse: That mouse is aggressive! It'll attack you if provoked.
–Central Park
Concerned Long Island tween, pointing at a rat in the tracks: Oh my god, how did a squirrel get in here? Seriously, we should help it.
–W 4th St Station
Father to daughters, with head cocked up listening to dark void in the platform: Hear that, girls? The rats are playing.
–96th & Broadway Subway Platform
Overheard by: sueinthecity
Random blond chick: I don't wanna be the fricking mouse.
–Asian Restaurant, Chinatown
Dude: I was raised with rodents.
–Hunter College
Eight-year-old Italian kid to another: Hey, you know that bracelet you got at the feast? The next day I saw a mouse with it around his neck, swear to god!
–Lorimer & Maujer, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Natalya Petrovna
Haggard-looking middle-aged woman: Hi, yes, I need a refill. I need my Xanax. (short pause) My life is hell.
–CVS Pharmacy, 42nd & 10th Ave
Suit on cell: No mom, I'm not going to just start popping antidepressants without seeing a professional first! Why would you even say that?!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: I'd have prescribed some ritalin for him
MTA conductor over loudspeaker: Hey Bobby! Lay off the steroids, they're making your voice sound funny!
–MTA Harlem Line Train
Overheard by: Nina
Loud suit on cell: Hello? Yes, hi, I'd like to order a Viagra pill. Only one, sir. No, no, just one. Sir, I want only one pill of Viagra, can you do that for me? Can I pick it up tomorrow? Great, thank you. I look forward to seeing you. Take care now, bye bye.
–44th St & 3rd Ave
20-something girl: Whenever I have a bad day, I think "How did Hillary Clinton feel?" and then I don't feel so bad. I mean they must have put her on sedatives to make it through that.
–C Train
Cute girl on cell: Well, tell her if she takes all those pills I'm going to kill her!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: arctinus
Teenybopper: I was going to see Legally Blonde, but then I threw up in Kmart twice.
–Delacourte Theater, before Hair
Overheard by: Morgan
Girl to another: It's easy–you just put your finger down your throat and you vomit!
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: Sarah
Guy on laptop to woman sitting next to him: Sorry if I make throw-up noises, no offense.
–Penn Station, NJ Transit
Overheard by: altaatlantic
Girl on cell: Oh my god. Like if that meal wasn't so expensive, I would have thrown it up!
–3rd Ave & 8th St
Overheard by: rachel
Teenage girl on payphone: Ma? Hey ma? Hold on. (vomits) I'm throwing up! (vomits some more) I *said* I'm (vomits a third time) throwing up. I'm done now. What?
–Wilson Ave, Bushwick
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Girl to friend, while smoking: So there I was, puking…and they started to have sex!
–Third and Long Bar
Teen girl: The teacher was like, "Everybody did well on the oral part, that's a good thing, because I hadn't thought it was too long or hard." And then a kid in the back shouted, "That's what she said!"
–Times Square
Teen girl, after being hugged by two boys: Okay, which one of you fingered me?
–Outside Queens Center Mall
Overheard by: disgusted educator on bus
Teen on cell: Stuff? What the hell? Wait, stuff and things? What the fuck, man?!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual
Teenage boy: Every time you type "lol" a baby gets kicked in the head.
–150th & Columbus
Teen girl on cell: Why you always call me "ghetto?" I'm not ghetto. (long pause) Okay, I am! But I can't help it!
–Park Avenue
Overheard by: taylor
Teen punk girl on phone: Yeah, I kinda got to third in a dumpster… No! No, it was a clean dumpster!
–St Mark's & 2nd
Girl #1: I didn't know he had a girlfriend.
Girl #2: I did…but I was drunk so I blocked it out.
Girl #1: Horrible mistake.
Girl #2: Yeah, I regret it.
Girl #1: Good fuck, though. Big dick.
Girl #2: And that's all that matters.
–Brooklyn Heights
40-something Spanish woman to 15-year-old son: What kind of a retard are you? You're just like your father!
(son looks around nervously)
Father, standing next to her: Wait, what?
–Canal & Centre
Overheard by: Einstien
Girl #1: Here's a picture of the guy I hooked up with this weekend. God, I can't believe I hooked up with a Bulgarian…
Girl #2: Wait. That's him? I was expecting a colored person. Is Bulgaria not in Africa?
–Penn Station
Loud girl: I'm not gonna move in with him until he gets rid of that damn dog! I'm not gonna let him pull a fast one on me. I'm not commuting two hours to work while that dog lies around the house all day. Hell no! He better get that damn dog euthanized.
Tired-looking, quiet older woman: Sounds like you got him all figured out.
–6 Train
Hipster girl: What's that?
Salvadorian guy: My benefits card, like food stamps. You could get one!
Hipster girl: Really?
Salvadorian guy: You should! We could barbecue non-stop! For free!
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: anyabelisle
