Wednesday One-Liners Won't Be Buried in the Jewish Cemetery

Girl on cell (reading US Weekly): Hey, Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee were photographed together! That means there's still hope for me and that guy from the tattoo shop!

–Brookyln Diner, Times Square

Latina: What's with grandma keeping gettin' tattoos that show?

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Justin Case de Foodisbad

Chick to another: The only thing he better get tattooed on his butt is my name!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Angela

Guy to girlfriend: Does that guy over there have a picture of Kim Jong II tattooed on his shoulder? (pause) Or is that his kid? (pause) Cause that's fucked up!

–Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Not sure myself…

Girl: So I hooked up with this guy who had a prison tattoo of an eagle ripping up the communist manifesto. I was like: "God bless America," y'know?

–N train

Overheard by: amen

Posted on July 30, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Coney Island, Family Ties, Girls, Latinos, Names, On Cell, On the Subway, Pictures, Politics, Prison, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex & Relationships, Tattoos, Times Square, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Pull a Winona

Teenage hipster to friend: Oh look, it's the Hannah Montana lip gloss I stole from a little kid!

–Uptown F Train

Overheard by: Joy

Big thug: Hey man, I'm not gonna even lie: selling candy on the train keeps me from robbing and stealing from most of ya on the train today… Hook a nigga up!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Cashiem Evans (da mad blogger)

Schoolgirl dressing down another: You took the whole backpack? Why didn't you just take what you needed to steal and leave the bag there?

–DeKalb & Clermont, Clinton Hill

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Lady on cell: So you know what happened? He stole my deodorant, and you know what was under it? My hundred dollars!

–Metro-North, 125th St Station

Overheard by: That must be some expensive deodorant

Woman yelling into cell: Don't rob them, they're Danish!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Tina

Posted on July 30, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Teens, Thievery, Thugs, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness, Women

25% Of All New Yorkers Have Wednesday One-Liners

Thug on cell: Wait, so you said you needed something for herpes? (pause) I said, you need something for your herpes? (pause) Well, I smoked a little before I came over here…

–Harlem Rite Aid

Man: Your wife! Your wife! Richard Dawkins is gonna get herpes from your wife!

–French Roast, 86th & Broadway

Overheard by: zdog

Girl on cell wearing a Puerto Rican flag bandana: I dunno, I mean, I just can't keep doing this. I don't want to get herpes again.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: JLief

Girl on subway to friend: I've never looked at you and thought you looked like you had herpes.

–E Train

Mother to tween daughter, ecstatically hugging friend: Remember, girls: No sharing saliva. That's how you get herpes and ruin your summer.

–3rd & 92nd

Overheard by: rebecca

Posted on July 30, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Latinos, Men, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, STDs, Store, The Village, Thugs, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

The Family Circus You Never Saw.

15-year-old girl to little brother: Do you understand? This is not a joke. If you smear poop on my computer, I will shit in your bed every day for the next two weeks.
Little brother: Yes, I'm sorry.

–Central Park Bench

Posted on July 29, 2008
Boys, Brothers, Central Park, Computer, Default, Girls, Kids, Poop, Sisters, Teens, Threats

Just Watch Where You're Sticking That Scepter, Missy

Distressed four-year-old: But why are you walking in front of me?
Father: Honey, I know you're the princess, but that doesn't mean I can't walk in front of you.

–101st & Amsterdam

Posted on July 29, 2008
Dads, Default, Girls, Kids, Parents, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

My Webcam Tested Negative

Girl: Did you use a condom?
Boy: Nope.
Girl: You’re going to get an STD!
Boy: No, I'm not. It's okay.
Girl: That's what you said last time!

–Union Square

Posted on July 29, 2008
Advice, Boys, Condoms, Default, Girls, Questions, STDs, Threats, Union Square and East Village

For Me, Getting Married Would Be Like Playing Madhouse

Drunk girl #1: Oh my god! Getting married is like playing house! It sucks!
Drunk girl #2: Yeah! I never want to get married or have kids. I have too many mental illnesses to pass along.

–L Train

Posted on July 28, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Drunks, Girls, Illness, Kids, Marriage, On the Subway, Stupidity

And Then We’d Have a Reason to Drink

Hipster dude: Hey, wanna know the best way to not get carded at restaurants?
Hipster chick: Offer blowjobs?
Hipster dude: Naw, we could kidnap a kid, train it to call us mommy and daddy, and bring it with us everywhere when we wanna drink.

–7th & Bleecker

Posted on July 27, 2008
Advice, BJs, Crime and Punishment, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Kids, Offers and requests, West Village

…Wait– Was That a Sex Joke?

(back door opens and closes, then the bus starts moving)
Obnoxious Hispanic Emo girl: Back doooor! Back doooor!
Bus driver: What the fuck!? Speak up, I don’t have all day!
Obnoxious girl: Back dooooor!
Bus driver: I have a family! I’m tired! I want to go home!
Obnoxious girl: Back doooooooor.
Bus driver: Ladies and gentlemen, our future.

–Bx41

Overheard by: If He’s Dissapointed with this I hope he never walks into one of New York’s public schools

Posted on July 27, 2008
Bus Drivers, Default, Depressed, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Latinos, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Public Transportation

Jesus Wept

Late teenage girl #1: I was gonna go to college but I got pregnant.
Late teenage girl #2: So did I.
Late teenage girl #1: How old is your kid?
Late teenage girl #2: My kid is four. What about yours?
Late teenage girl #1: She’s three. I should have gone to college. My grades were so good I got accepted to Sylvan Learning Center.
Late teenage girl #2 (serious): Wow, you must be smart.

–A Train

Posted on July 27, 2008
Age/Aging, Compliments, Default, Education, Girls, Kids, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, School and studying, Teens

Girls