God

Gay male flight attendant: If you'll be requiring wheelchair assistance when we get to Cleveland, please remain seated. Because, if you stand up, we'll assume you've been healed by the Holy Spirit and no longer need our help.
Passengers: (laughter)
Flight attendant: And please keep your seatbelts fastened until we've reached the gate and come to a complete stop.
(man in front row unbuckles his belt)
Flight attendant: Stop it, cheater!

Southwest Airlines Flight
Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: Erica

Professor: We think imperfectly. If you think you think perfectly… well, just talk to god.

University of Tulsa, Oklahoma

Guy: I’m pretty positive that on judgment day, god is going to have a live action replay of this conversation and be like: “See… And you were so close!”

University of Kentucky
Lexington, Kentucky

Drunk college student: What’s up, man?
Tired-looking bum: Allah! Allah always be up.
Drunk college student: True. True. Holla’ at your boy.

Green Line
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: On my way to church

Student: Professor Barnes*, can you please explain where you got the last line there?
Professor: [Looks at blackboard, turns back to the class, and clasps his hands] It came from God.

University of Waterloo
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: stopped going to class after this