I Knew This Planned Parenthood Internship Would Pay Off

Dude #1: …so do you think I can have dibs on her, or is that not a good idea?
Dude #2: What do you mean?
Dude #1: Well, she had an abortion six weeks ago.
Dude #2: Oh dude, what are you doing!?
Dude #1: Yeah, but can't she not get pregnant because she just had an abortion?
Dude #2: Oh, that's a good point. I don't think that works like that…
Dude #1: But it was six weeks ago.
Dude #2: Oh, I thought you said six months ago! Yeah, man, you got a sweet deal there. I can't believe your luck, where do you keep meeting these women!?

–Bathroom, Fordham University

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Posted on December 30, 2014
Abortion, Advice, Default, Fordham, Guys, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Relationships, Stall Spies, Students

How PhDs Say “That Shit Sucked”

Girl, after watching Annie Hall: So, that was your first Woody Allen movie? What did you think?
Guy: It was very Larry David-esque.

–Movies Under the Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Smart Alex/ You Know Nothing of My Work!

Posted on December 30, 2014
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Film, Girls, Guys, Movies, Questions, TV

The Wednesday One-Liner Monologues

Drunk hipster: Since when did the vagina become the font of all morality?

–110th & Amsterdam

Girl running in pajamas: Oh my god my vagina is so cold!

–50th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Matt

Girl proclaiming: I saw the vagina.

–NYU

Acting student: You have a vagina and he’s all into that. I have a penis and he’s not all into that. That’s why you have to do this for me.

–Archbold Theater

Overheard by: nice

Crazy black woman: I know my pussy! You don’t know my pussy! Haha! You can’t say you know my pussy, I know my pussy! Haha, hah! If you can’t find my pussy, you can’t say you’re not too big!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze

Nondescript guy on cell phone: So, were the vaginas ok?

–55th St & 8th

Posted on December 30, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Default, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Not New York, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penis, Questions, Students, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weather, Women

By “Picture” I Mean “Life-Sized Doll” and By “Wall” I Mean “Bed”

Guy: Hey, this might sound creepy but I have a picture of you on my wall.
Jon Stewart: That is creepy. Do you live in a comedy club?

–Cupcake Cafe, 18th & 26th

Posted on December 29, 2014
About Celebrities, Actors, Astoria, Celebrities, Comedians, Default, Fears, Guys, Pictures, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness

You're on Park Avenue, Motherfucker!

Guy walking St. Bernard: Watch where you swing that fucking cigarette!
Young hipster: Upscale yuppie!
Guy: You say that like it's a bad thing.

–18th & Park Ave

Overheard by: Class Warmonger

Posted on December 28, 2014
Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Smoking

Conjoined, Bearded Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: You know her, red hair, goes to a lot of shows… Her lip is kind of, y'know, stuck to her nose a bit on the one side.

–Union Square

Promoter to older man passing by: Excuse me, sir, you dropped your clitoris.

–St.Mark's Place

Suit: And his head was askew…

–79th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Ladle

Suit on cell: The woman's toenails were three inches long.

–The Village

Guy to another: I knew a guy with a tail–an extended tailbone. It was thiiiis (shows) long!

–8th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Rick

50-something New Yorker: He was Barbara Streisand's cousin! And he stretched my urethra. It was great! Well, not at the time. But now it's great!

–Broadway & 59th St

Overheard by: Nikki

Posted on December 27, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Hair, Height, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

But It Was a Condition of Going on Elimidate

Young guy: Well, I called her a ho, but I didn't mean it.
Young girl: But she was your date!

–14th St & 7th Ave

Posted on December 26, 2014
Dating, Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, Weirdness, West Village, Words

Where God Would Live If He Had Money

Conspicuously buffed guy #1: Yeah, we could all be roommates!
Conspicuously buffed guy #2: Yeah!
Super hip woman, pushing expensive stroller: Yeah! (to baby in stroller) Can you say loft? Loft?

–W Broadway

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on December 25, 2014
Babies, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women, Words

Spoken Like Someone Who’s Never Shopped at H&M

Teen girl: She said money don’t grow on trees but yeah it do. Money made of paper, paper made from trees.
20-something-guy: Actually, US currency is printed on cotton.
Teen boy: Cotton?
20-something-guy: Yeah, they use denim, like jeans.
Teen girl: My jeans don’t be rippin like money, they using some low grade shit.

–Staten Island Mall Bus Stop

Overheard by: ryn

Posted on December 24, 2014
Animals & Nature, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Malls, Money & Class, On the Bus, Questions, Staten Island, Teens

Pot Brownies: Now with Real Pots!

Girl: Did you bring me my brownie mix?
Guy: No; where’s that dude you were with the other night, anyway?
Girl: Who cares? He couldn’t deliver the steel.

–Prince & Elizabeth

Posted on December 24, 2014
Food, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Lower East Side, Questions

Guys