Dude #1: It’d be like you saying: “I’m gonna root for the Raiders, instead of the Chargers.”
Dude #2: It’d be like you saying: “I’m gonna suck cock!”
–11th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Hannah
Dude #1: It’d be like you saying: “I’m gonna root for the Raiders, instead of the Chargers.”
Dude #2: It’d be like you saying: “I’m gonna suck cock!”
–11th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Hannah
Spastic little brother: NAMBLA?
Patient older brother: No.
Spastic little brother: NAMBLA.
Patient older brother: Stop it.
Spastic little brother: NAMBLA!
–22nd St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Flynn
Male physics teacher (with accent): Does anybody know what induction is?
Female student: I know!
Male physics teacher (with accent): What is it?
Female student: No touchy-touchy!
Male physics teacher (with accent): Exactly!
–Stuyvesant High School
Drunk girl: That sucks that Souljah Boy is getting sued. His song is really good.
Drunk guy: Are you serious? Do you know what “Superman” means?
Drunk girl: Yeah, it means you ejaculate on someone’s back and stick the bed sheet to it. Like a Superman cape.
Drunk guy: Ok, but do you know what “Spiderman” means?
Drunk girl: No.
Drunk guy: It means you cum in your hand and throw it at the chick in a big blob!
Drunk girl: Ewww, like Nickelodeon Gak!
–House Party, Bronx
Overheard by: Sromeo
Guy #1: Yeah man, she only had a twin-size bed, so I had to sleep on the floor next to her.
Guy #2: Dude, that fucking sucks.
Guy #1: Nah, it’s cool. I was so drunk I peed my pants, right there under the bed.
Guy #2: Fierce.
–53rd & Lexington
Girl: But my gynecologist loves my vagina! She says it’s very tan!
Guy: Yeah… tan and leathery.
–New Amsterdam Theatre
Chick eating a Boston Kreme: Mmm, I love this shit.
Dude: Yeah, enjoy your pastry filled with cum.
Chick: If cum ever tasted this good, I’d never get off my knees.
–Bloomingdale’s, Lexington
Sex ed volunteer: Now if you put the condom on the wrong way, do not, I repeat, do not turn it inside out and put it on. Because we all know what gets on the tip.
Male student: Penis juice!
Sex ed volunteer: Did you just say “penis juice”?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Withnail
Straight guy #1: Dude, I like your family, but there is no way that I would blow the whole football team to save their lives.
Straight guy #2: Well, I’d blow them for your family.
Straight guy #1: Even if it was right after a game?
Straight guy #2: If I have to blow 60 guys, you think I’d give a shit if they are sweaty or not? That’s the least of it.
–In line at Just Salad, E 51st
Teenage dancer guy #1: I think he’d want his favorite student to eat at his favorite restaurant.
Teenage dancer guy #2: You’re not his favorite student, you’re just his sex buddy.
–W 85th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: uptowngirl137
