Guy: What kind of dog is that over there?
Girl: I think it’s a pug, but it’s really fat.
Guy: It looks like a pig with Down’s syndrome.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Manhattman
Guy: What kind of dog is that over there?
Girl: I think it’s a pug, but it’s really fat.
Guy: It looks like a pig with Down’s syndrome.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Manhattman
Guy to friend: I'm sorry. When I see tight shorts I don't think 80s hair metal.
–23rd St
Conductor: This station is Murray Hill. If you look outside your window and don't see a platform, then you can't get off. Sorry. Please walk towards the front of the train.
–LIRR
Overheard by: PW rider
NJ transit conductor: Folks, this is the 5:50 Midtown direct. We are leaving two minutes late because some of your fellow commuters would not board the train. Some people don't understand you can walk on the train. Sorry for that.
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Overheard by: Katherine
Extremely Brooklynese conductor: Okay, we're being held up by another f and…uh…another d. Oh, jeez! Sorry, people, it's not my fault, blame the fuckin' dispatcher! (to person in the conducting booth) What?
–F Train
Overheard by: Jasper johnson
Conductor on loudspeaker: Now arriving at Penn Station. Please exit the train promptly. And to those sitting in the first two cars, sorry about the lack of lights and air conditioner. (loudspeaker turns off, after a pause back on). Actually, we're sorry about everything.
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Overheard by: brutal commuter
Girl #1: Ohmigod. I never ever like come this far uptown.
Girl #2: Oh, I know! Never!
Girl #1: I never go above 14th street. Ever!
Girl #2: Oh, me neither. Ever! Well, maybe above 30th street.
Girl #1: Yeah, just for, like, Bungalow and stuff.
–Grand Central
Guy #1: The last two times I was at Crobar someone got raped in the bathroom. Isn’t that crazy? Two times. The last two times I was there.
Guy #2: Really? I don’t think I wanna go there.
Guy #1: No, it’s okay. Besides, they were girls. And the bar is nice.
–6 train
Overheard by: zztop
Guy: Dude, have you ever tried to jack off twice in 20 minutes?
–Columbia University
Blonde girl: I can't believe he pulled his dick out. Except not really. Except kind of. Except I kind of had to put it back in.
–W 34th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Crazy hobo, to himself: Geritol. Yup, that's what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain't nothin wrong with that. Nothin wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's gonna get some Geritol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a little Bengay.
–Men's Bathroom, Penn Station
Overheard by: Phil
Salvadoran guy, discussing use of the word "faggot": They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fucking joke.
–Lawton St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Eric Frazier
Black guy: Man, I can't wear tight pants because I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds himself)
–Penn Station
Female Central Park crossing guard: Das cuz da dick was great!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Robert H
Girl: He wears Timberlands.
Guy: Is he black?
Girl: No, He’s Irish.
–48th & 7th
Overheard by: Harmony
Crazy hobo (to the tune of Elvis’ Hound dog): Ain’t nothing but a hound dog! (mutters next two lines) And you never fuck a rabbit in the ass, cause that’s just a waste of time!
–E 4th St & 2nd Ave
Man, to the tune of Hit Me Baby One More Time: I need to pee out of my urethra.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Noelle
Guy in back of the bus wearing headphones and singing: (almost inaudible) I wanna die…I just wanna die.
(everyone stares at him)
Guy: (almost inaudible) I wanna die… I wanna dieeeeeeee.
–Bx 9 Bus, Fordham Plaza
Overheard by: Krisztina, sitting right in front of him
Homeless guy singing while shaking paper cup full of change: Oh me, oh my… There goes perfection. Oh me, oh my… Here comes an erection.
–13th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: rolf
Young Hispanic man singing to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven: And there’s a wino down the road!
–E train
Overheard by: In_the_Shadows
Crazy hobo signing to two passing women: Vaaaggiiinnnaaa… Vaaagggiiiinnaaaa. (stretches out his neck towards them and emphasizes) Vaaaaggggiiiiinnnaaaaaa!
–Near NYU
Overheard by: Joe
Male student #1: It’s not easy.
Male student #2: Nothing is easy. (pause) Some things are simple.
Male student #1: Oh, sure.
Male student #2: But nothing is easy. (pause) I have no idea where I’m going.
–NYU Campus
Overheard by: zelda
Guy #1: Yo, come and get some falafel with me.
Guy #2: Waffles?
Guy #1: No man, falafel. Trust me, it's mad good.
Guy #2: What is it?
Guy #1: Shit, I can't even explain it. It's like… chicken and waffles.
–Mamoun's Restaurant
Guy: I am really excited about our trip to Germany in the summer. We have to make sure to stop in Frankfurt to meet my family.
Girl: I am kind of nervous about meeting your grandfather since your mom said he was a Nazi and I am Jewish.
Guy: My grandfather is just a mild Nazi. He only believes in the conspiracy theories about Jews.
Girl: Well, I don’t care that your grandfather’s a Nazi. I love you.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Cannelle
