This Round's on Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to another: Now the average American might not know about the economy and the depression. But they know about Budwieser. If they go to the bodega and there's no Budweiser, they know there's a problem.

–53rd Street E Station

Overheard by: SJG

Bald 30-something man: I believe in whiskey and little else.

–Lorimer & Union

Girl walking down the street: You took methamphetamines, I'm getting a Diet Coke!

–2nd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: dazed and confused

Elated girl: This beer is really helping my canker sore.

–93rd & 2nd

Overheard by: brian w

Guy at bar: If the New York Public Library served Scotch, I would go there.

–Karl's Klipper, St George, Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Train conductor: Next stop, Moshulo Parkway…and can someone get me a fucking soda! I'm in car 3! I need a damn soda!

–4 Train

Overheard by: B-Dizzle Yo

Posted on June 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Staten Island, Subway conductors, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

She Also Sorted the Alpha-Bits Incorrectly

Lady: …and a half-pound of roasted brussels sprouts with peas.
Counter guy: Those are actually pearl onions, ma’am.
Lady: Well, the sign says peas.
Counter guy: I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but the person who made that sign is an idiot…No really, that’s her over there. Complete dipshit.

–Gourmet Garage, 7th Avenue

Overheard by: Jamie Lloyd

Posted on June 22, 2015
Customers, Food, Grocery Stores, Guys, Insults, Shopping, Vendors & Street Performers, Women

Domo Arigato, Mr. Wednesday One-Liner

Nine-year-old boy: Sometimes I just think I am a robot. I mean, aren't I a robot?

–E 17th & Broadway

Overheard by: definitely human

Tall guy: Yeah, you have to learn not to trust those shifty-eyed robots.

–Union Square

Hipster: And, like, he wasn't even gay… he was just not human.

–88th & Park

Comic book guy: No, not Optimus Prime. But yes, I have had sexual thoughts… about robots.

–40th & 7th

Cute chick: You don't need a sex robot to have sex with a robot.

–Old Town Bar

Overheard by: Lieut. Liplock

Posted on June 21, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Pop Culture, Science, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side

Effing Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: The well of his fuckwaddery springs eternal.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Columbia student: Fuck. Fucking titties! What the fuck? Fucking titties, this is some goddamn bullshit! I really want a snack.

–110th & Broadway

Guy to girl: Are you serious? I'm not fucking creepy, okay? I'm not fucking creepy.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: NYU girl

Man on bicycle, yelling at car: Fuck you! Yeah, use your fucking blinkers, you fuckstick!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Helene and Alice

Guy on cell, in monotone with no pauses: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I need you, I need you, I need you, bitch. (hangs up)

–M4 Bus

Posted on June 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Food, Guys, Insults, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, Parks, Rack, Relationships, Students, The Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

You Should at Least Stop Tearing Guys’ Cocks Off

Teen dude: So you wouldn’t?
Teen girl: Hell no! I’d break up with any dude who’d had his cock torn off and reconstructed using part of his thigh! That shit ain’t natural.
Teen dude: That’s so shallow.

–Union Square

Posted on June 21, 2015
Breaking Up, Default, Girls, Guys, Penis, Questions, Surgery, Teens, Union Square and East Village

Whereas We Just Saddle Up at Fetish Parties

Long Island guy: I'm from Merrick.
Brooklyn guy: Merrick? What's Merrick?
Long Island guy: It's a town on Long Island.
Brooklyn guy, laughing: A town!? They still have those? It seems so old fashioned! A town! Sounds like in the 1800s, when people would saddle up their wagons and go into town.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Posted on June 21, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Fordham, Guys, History & Geography, Laughter, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-liners and the Boob Tube

Guy: I totally agree with the idea behind Family Ties.

–Grassroots Tavern, St. Marks Place

Posted on June 20, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Guys, Lower East Side, TV

She Sure Has a Wide Social Circle for a Four-Year-Old

Guy #1: Hey, don't I know you?
Guy #2: No, I don't think so.
Guy #1: Yeah, yeah. I know you. (takes out cell phone) Your sister's in my top five.
Guy #2: Ashley?!

–Toys 'R Us, Times Square

Overheard by: Lee

Posted on June 20, 2015
Family Ties, Guys, Questions, Store, Times Square

The College Equivalent Of Being a Cat Lady with Scented Candles

Guy: I'm a cute gay guy at NYU. I'm doing just fine, darling!
Girl: I'm a straight girl at NYU. I go through a lot of vibrators.

–Starbucks, Washington Square

Posted on June 19, 2015
Dildos and Vibrators, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Sexuality, Starbucks, Washington Square Park

Sometimes the People at Serta Let Me Crash in Their Showroom

Barely legal girl: Can we do brunch tomorrow?
Guy: Sure.
Barely legal girl: Good. I like having Saturday plans. I get sad on weekends if I don’t wake up in someone else’s bed or have plans.

–51st & 9th

Overheard by: Bar Keep

Posted on June 19, 2015
Girls, Guys, Leisure, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Questions, Sexuality, Street