Wednesday One-Liners Do Dallas

Hobo: I was an extra in the movie [inaudible] Times Square, man! Did you see it? I was the one down on my knees screaming, ‘I’m a born-again porno addict!’

–N train

Man on cell: Yo, dude, I don’t know what to get! They got all kinds of shit in there!

–Outside adult video store, 14th & 6th

Overheard by: Sarah

Hot chick on cell: Why are you so stressed?! This sounds like a good thing! Don’t be so serious about it! It’ll be okay! Here, did you know there’s an animal rights group called ‘Porn Stars for Pups’?

–The Black Sheep

Overheard by: Argopelter

Guy on cell, pushing by couple with baby in stroller: I’m not going to California! I pay her twelve hundred dollars per hour. If she doesn’t sleep with Niko, then fire her! I lost a hundred thirty-eight fucking grand yesterday! Tell her what to do, and deal with it!

–Horatio & Hudson

Overheard by: Stephen Lindsay

Angry girl to friend: Seriously, Chris, can’t we go one day without talking about shizer porn?!

–East Village

Posted on August 27, 2019
Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Default, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Lower East Side, Money & Class, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Poop, Porn, Store, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village

Nobody Trusts a Chubby Hobo

Guy from restaurant to hobo: Hey, do you want something to drink?
Hobo: Sure, what do you have?
Guy from restaurant: Pepsi, Coke, Sprite…
Hobo: Anything diet?

–75th & Broadway

Overheard by: uneditedtales

Posted on August 11, 2019
Diet/Weight, Drinks, Guys, Hobos, Offers and requests, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

Really? Oh, Alright, Then.

Hobo yelling to college couple: Hey, bro! Hit that pussy tonight, bro!
Another male passerby: Yeah — better do what the man says!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Count Funkula

Posted on August 8, 2019
Advice, Columbia (& Barnard), Hobos

I Thought the Devil Wore Prada

Bag man: Nice toes.
Guy: Um…thanks?
Bag man: Well, you know, so many people be wearin’ these things and they got some nasty boar feet, but you got some nice toes there. Good for you.

–Barney’s Warehouse Sale, W. 17th Street

Overheard by: A. Hender

Posted on June 29, 2019
Fashion, Hobos, Pick-up Lines

Would You Like One, Though?

Duane Reade cashier: Do you have a club card?
Crazy hobo: No, I don't have a club card. I work my way through this life. I don't need nobody doin' me no favors. A favor is like a handjob. I don't need one.

–Duane Reade

Posted on May 24, 2019
Cashiers, Crazies, Crazy, Duane Reade, Hand-Jobs, Hobos, Questions, Shopping, Weirdness

I Was Thinking about How Pretty I Am

Hobo: What are you doing?
Pretty girl: Just thinking.
Hobo: You are way too pretty to think.

–42nd St

Overheard by: Meredith

Posted on May 6, 2019
Beauty, Comebacks, Compliments, Girls, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Talking/Convos

Wednesday One-Liners Thank God for Their Piggy Banks

Little boy,jumping up and down: The Dow Jones is up! The Dow Jones is up!

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Some Random Girl

Crazy man, shouting at no one in particular: Fuck the economy, your asshole just dropped 200 points!

–8th Ave & 19th St

Slacker on a smoke break: Yeah, McCain said he is going to suspend his campaign so that he can work on the economy. I mean, really. It would be like me saying I'm suspending my pot distribution so that I can work on quantum physics.

–Forest Ave., Staten Island

Overheard by: political listener

Hobo on subway to man in suit: Spare change? Anyone? Spare change for the homeless? You look like you worked for Lehman Brothers, you're excused.

–51st St

Overheard by: Kate

Posted on April 18, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Business and Commerce, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Panhandling, Politics, Staten Island, Suits, Upper East Side, Weed, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Did Chop Down That Cherry Tree

Well dressed party-goer: No, like, I went to Princeton -we lied all the time.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Cuny Graduate

Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I gotta go. My mom’s calling. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pocket.]

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Overheard by: Squiggs

Woman on cell: I just don’t understand why he got so freaked out about it. I said "I love you" -big fucking deal. That doesn’t mean anything. I could have been lying. I was lying, for Christ’s sake.

–L Train

Crazy hobo: Hillary Clinton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been married for 28 years and she won’t admit to it. Liar. Afraid of integration, that’s Hillary.

–E Train

Overheard by: Liz Beaux

Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, honey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the other line.] Hey buddy! How’s it going!

–125th St. Subway platform

Overheard by: EthanK

Twentysomething player on cell, picking fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to Forest Hills to get my haircut.

–N Train

Overheard by: john

Guy on cell: Most people lie to get out of jury duty and here I am being honest about NAMBLA.

–73rd & 2nd

Overheard by: melissa