It's Wednesday– Do You Know Who Your One-Liner's With?

Young man to friend: So, about your girlfriend…I think she and I should fuck.

–Union Square West & 16th St

Street hawker selling datebooks: Wanna cheat on your husband? Plan it out! Get a daily planner, write it in red!

–Herald Square

Overheard by: MPW

Hipster teen girl to friend: Dude, don't worry about it. Whenever I want guys to cheat on their girlfriends with me I always just take off my pants and start singing Afroman.

–Mulberry St

Chick to friends: Seriously, it's a full-on dating service for married people. (pause) Like, adulterers.

–Broadway & Avenue of the Americas

Overheard by: Chuckles

Guy to another: Have you been cheating a lot? Does she know you're gay?

–6 Train

Hobo: So would all unhappily married women please step forward? I know there are some unhappily married women out there, and I'm willing to satisfy your needs. (pause) I know you're out there!

–Times Square

Overheard by: John

Posted on March 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Clothing, Dating, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Hobos, Infidelity, Lies, Marriage, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Sex, Singing, Street, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

That's No Hobo– That's Corey Feldman!

Hobo to teenage girls filling up water balloons in water fountain: You're having a water balloon fight?
Teenage girl: Yeah. We have to be careful, though, they might attack us from behind.
Hobo: That's what Michael Jackson does. (walks away, leaves teenage girls in bewilderment)

–Central Park

Overheard by: Emma

Posted on March 7, 2009
Backdoor, Central Park, Fighting and ass kicking, Hobos, Music, Teens

Wednesday One-Liners Are Growers, Not Showers

Bouncer on phone: I don't care if they is balding, got big guts or little dicks!

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: chiddox

Flaming gay man to lover: You have a small dick that never gets erect, and you are not in my will!

–Avenue St John & Kelly Streets, Bronx

Overheard by: Li'l Squeaker

Hobo: Stop controlling my eyeballs to look at your dick!

–Times Square

30-something man: Waaaaait, did they say "dick in cider" or "dick inside her"?

–7th St & St. Mark's

Overheard by: Juicy

High school kid: I wish I had two dicks. (pause) So both of my hands have something to do in class.

–Q27 Bus Stop

Overheard by: cough.cough.cough

Woman on phone: It's not about you, it's about your small dick.

–Times Square

Girl to friend: So you're going to tutor his dick, right?

–University & 10th St

Posted on March 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Bouncers, Couples, Erections, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Height, Hobos, Masturbation, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Sex, The Bronx, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Another Successful Workday for Pedro

Drunk sorority girl #1: My feet hurt.
Creepy hobo: Do you need someone to rub 'em for you, baby?
Drunk sorority girl #2: Violated! Violated!

–Bleecker & McDougal

Posted on February 28, 2009
Body Parts, Creepsters, Drunks, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Offers and requests, Rape, Sorority Girls, The Village, Weirdness

Two Wednesdays, One-Liner

Thuggette to two friends: So we, like, had a threesome, just without the sex.

–Kingsborough Community College

Hipster boy holding Christmas wreath: Well, no, I wasn't part of the threesome.

–Pearl St & John St

Overheard by: Matthew

Blonde 30-something: I love threesomes. That's when you go shopping with two friends, right? Right?

–77th & Lexington

Overheard by: iwantinonthat

Suit on cell: Were you invited to the gangbang? I wasn't invited! She always invites me to the gangbang! Fucking whore!

–86th & Park Ave

Overheard by: i wasn't invited either!

Conductor: Man, I am telling you, those two girls were just not ready, ready for me.

–A Train

Hobo: I would like money to buy beer so I can get drunk, and take home two women so they can molest me.

–M&M Store

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Hobos, Insults, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgy, Sex, Shopping, Store, Suits, Three is Company, Thugs, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

If Woody Allen Were a Hobo

Lady: How are you doing tonight?
Hobo: I'm miserable. You know I'm homeless?

–54th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Seth

Posted on February 22, 2009
Comebacks, Hobos, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Women

Also Why Girl Scouts Rarely Get Harassed by the Homeless

Hobo: Hey! Is them cookies good? Is they good?
Commuter, holding bag of cookies: I'll give you a cookie.
Hobo: Thanks, man. What kind of cookies is these?
Commuter: Coconut.
Hobo: Thanks. Hey, can you do me a favor?
Commuter: I gave you a cookie.
Hobo: Yeah…you got me.

–Penn Station

Posted on February 22, 2009
Food, Hobos, Homeless, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Penn Station, Strangers

Be Part Of a Warm Exploited Minority, for Once

Hobo, shivering violently on freezing night: Couldja spare somethin'? Help me out?
(tall guy gives him a dollar)
Hobo: I would appreciate it if you could spare one hundred dollars.
Tall guy, laughing: Tell me about it!
Hobo, still shivering: I'm tryin' to get to Hawaii! Alo-ha!

–7th & 14th

Posted on February 16, 2009
Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Panhandling, The Village, Travel

It's Even Funnier When You Know the Hobo Talks Like Mr. T

20-year old, passing a hobo: Dude, you smell.
Hobo: Fuck you, hipster!
20-year old: I'm not a hips…
Hobo, cutting him off: Where's your hat?
20-year old: I don't own a h…
Hobo, cutting him off: Fuck you and your hat!

–2nd Ave, East Village

Posted on February 13, 2009
Clothing, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Only in New York, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village

Hobos