Hobo Humor Goes Right Over Their Heads

A hobo is holding a sign that reads, “Why lie? I need a beer.”

Hobo: Hey there, mister.
Cleveland guy: Is he serious?
Cleveland girl: I don’t know. What do we do?
Hobo: Smile, folks! It’s a joke! I need a whole six-pack!

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Gave him five dollars

Posted on August 4, 2015
Hobos, Homeless, Midwesterners, Yankee Stadium

It’s Polite to at Least Offer Him a Scarf or a Belt

Hobo: Pennies for the poor? [to girl with Scoop bag] Oh come on, you just went shopping!
Girl: Which is why I don’t have any money!

–4th & Broadway

Posted on August 4, 2015
Girls, Hobos, Homeless, The Village

The Wednesday One-Liner That Never Sleeps

20-something girl to friend: I'm sorry, but what is the big fucking deal with eating on the sidewalk? Back courtyard? Sure. Rooftop? Fuck, yeah! But the fucking sidewalk? Homeless people up in my face. Loud trucks up in my ears. Carcinogens up in my lungs. I mean… really? New Yorkers are all fucked up.

–2nd Ave b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Dodd Loomis

Ditzy blond tourist: New York is the most foreign place in America I've ever been to!

–F Train

Overheard by: Chelsea S.

Indian guy on phone: I don't wanna be like the Bengali fob! I'm gonna show up and be like the original New York gangsta!

–B61 Bus

Bar customer to table next to him: I need to visit New York, everyone that visits is always happy. Everyone that lives here in New York is always miserable.

–Chambers St

Little boy, with great excitement: I just tripped in New York City!

–Times Square

Posted on August 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Desi, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Happiness, Homeless, Insults, Kids, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Physical appearance, Strangers, Street, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Would You Feel Better If We Called It ‘Alms’?

Hobette: Can you spare any food? I’m very hungry…Can you spare any food? I’m very hungry…Can you spare any food? I’m very hungry.
Passenger: The Homeless Coalition man is one car ahead and is offering food.
Hobette: I’ll buy my own food. I don’t need no charity!

–Downtown R train

Posted on July 31, 2015
Bag ladies, Homeless, On the Subway

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Grow on Trees

Crazy guy: Look at you people. All y’all paying eighteen, nineteen hundred dollars rent. I pay two dollars rent! And I get a free transfer!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Heather

Smoking girl: I’m just not going to put all of this money and time into this degree and then take a job that pays less than $100,000 after I graduate. I mean, I’m just *not*.

–Outside Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Bored street fundraiser for the homeless: Just one penny, people. Just one penny. Blah, blah, blah.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Farley

Crazy guy: You motherfucking actors with all your fucking money and shit… I hate you… But boy did I want to be an actor when I was young.

–Outside NBC Studios, 49th & 6th

Overheard by: Ross

Frustrated booth operator, yelling at an argumentative tourist: Lady, this subway hasn’t used tokens in over seven years! And that ain’t even a token… It’s a one collar coin!

–Subway, Spring & Lafayette

Overheard by: NYC Tourists Never Cease to Amaze Me

50-something ticket collector to high school girl: Don’t worry, I didn’t forget your change. (pause) I will never forget you. (walks away)

–Metro-North Train

Mother to young daughter running down the street: Get over here before I make change outta that five dollar ass!

–168 & Broadway

Posted on July 28, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Creepsters, Education, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Smokers & Smoking, The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village

Eventually He Gave Everyone Numbers and Chose Out of a Bingo Tumbler

Homeless panhandler: Good afternoon, I’m homeless and I want at least one Asian to give me some change.
Black woman giving slight sigh of relief: Well that doesn’t include me! He don’t want my change then!

–F Train

Overheard by: WBR

Posted on July 27, 2015
Black People, Compare/Contrast, Default, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Panhandling, Race, Wishes & desires, Women

Some Potty Humor, Courtesy of Wednesday One-Liners

Lady suit: Do you think anyone would notice if I just popped a squat and urinated everywhere?

–Port Authority

12-year-old girl: And then… He, like… peed in my mouth. It was kinda gross.

–Eddie’s Sweet Shop

Overheard by: Yorick

Man peeing on the street: Watch the stream, watch the stream!

–W 4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Maya G.

Black guy to coworker: What about that golden shower I had the other night?

–NYU Weinstein Dining Hall

Middle-aged convention female attendee: I didn’t know that urinals flushed. Did you know urinals flushed? Who would have thought?

–Javits Convention Center

Overheard by: Hector

Drunk man to embarrassed friend: Did I tell you about the time I peed on a bum? For real, I did! I was just taking a leak and looked down like: "Oh shit, is that a person?" He looked up on me and said: "Hey, you just peed on me!" And I did! I peed on him! Then I put myself in his shoes like: "What if someone peed on me?" I’d be pissed! That’s some fucked up shit, man. So I gave him ten bucks.

–A Train