Chick #1: I think I would be a good homeless person. I would definitely be able to do it!
Chick #2: How? What the hell do you mean?
Chick #1: I can fall asleep anywhere now, and I could live off of beans and water… What? I could.
–175 Water St
Overheard by: Raquel
Guy: You see that bum? He wouldn’t even look me in the eye. I know him from the Bronx. Evvverybody knows everybody in the Bronx, especially if you do drugs. He’s a liar…His daughter did die, but 3 years ago. He got so much money hustlin’ on the D train, but now they all know it’s bullshit, so he came all the way to Queens….what, he gotta bury his daughter every year? He gonna ask for money when the girl died 20 yrs ago?…And if you don’t got money for a burial, the city gives it to you. He fulla shit.
–7 train
Overheard by: MR
Standing in line is a guy with a massive 12-roll pack of toilet paper. His buddy comes up to join him and says: I always knew you were full of shit.
–Rite Aid, Irving Place
Overheard by: Vera Farrelly
Ranting woman: We should be boycotting products from all those big corporations like Microsoft, and General Motors, and Nike, and–
Hobo: Shut the fuck up before the corporation gets to you and tortures you to death.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Ting
Tourist mom to kid: There's some weird smells around here…
Suit: Nah, that's New York you're smelling. Dog piss, hobos piss, hobos barf… Ah, the glory of the Great White Way.
–Times Square
Overheard by: i love new york.
Guy: I have to say, one nice thing about living here is that the winters are so cold that a lot of the homeless freeze to death. So, you know, there's a lot less of them.
Girl: Dude, it's “fewer”. Not “less”.
–17th & 9th
Overheard by: Mike
Hobo to himself: The VA wants $200. (pause) How can I give them $200? (pause) I only get $320. (pause) Maybe I'll bribe them. (pause) No, that won't work–you need money to bribe people.
–Chase ATM, Grammercy
Overheard by: cmk
Headline by: Luminesce
Runners-Up:
· “He’ll Be Running a Hedge Fund in No Time” – again
· “I Guess the Facelift Will Have to Wait” – JohnAustin
· “In the End, He’ll Use His Sex Appeal” – Daniel
· “It’s a Catch-22” – Gary
· “Or Just Vomit on Their Doorstep Until They Cave in” – Fresca P
· “You Could Try to Sell Barack Obama’s Senate Seat” – Nick Pollotta
Homeless guy dropping cigarettes while following foreigners: A brother drops his smokes and you gets a-steppin’?! I smoke Newports! You can’t get this in no garage! Hey! Hey! How about givin’ me some money? It’s for the children, for the children!
Lady: No!
Homeless guy to lady’s boyfriend: Wow, there’s evil! So much evil comin’ from this one. You’re good, though, I can tell.
Boyfriend: Yeah?
Homeless guy: Can you feel that? Can you feel that, brother?
Boyfriend: Yes, I can feel that.
Homeless guy: You know what that is?
Boyfriend: No, what is it?
Homeless guy: It’s the feel of the crack of yo’ asshole burnin’! [Homeless guy runs away.]
–Bleecker, near Sullivan
Headline by: pheeze
Runners-Up:
· “Another drive-by psychic reading from Triumph the Insult Comic Bum” – Angus McIntyre
· “Jesus Is My Roid Cream” – en_ki
· “That Port Hasn’t Been New In Years” – dan
· “The wrong way to hand out Taco Bell coupons” – Jon Trudel
Hobo to one-legged girl walking by: Damn you're sexy, even without that leg!
Bag lady: He wants you to fuck him with your nub.
–Thompkins Square Park
Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy.
–A Train
Overheard by: SBroto
Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches.
–Shuttle to Grand Central
Overheard by: alan b hutscar
Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca
Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it?
–Central Park
Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down!
–4th & Broadway
Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man)
–1 Train
Volunteer for UHO: I'm here collecting money for United Homeless Organization. I was once homeless and begging on the subway, but thanks to your generous donations…
Two-year-old boy, screaming: Stop it!
–6 train
Overheard by: Katie
