Going Back to His Wife in Scarsdale

Ghetto chick: I’m pregnant
Thug: So?
Ghetto chick: What do you mean, "So"?
Thug: Shouldn’t you be having this conversation with your husband
Ghetto chick: And tell him what, that I cheated and got pregnant?
Thug: No, but you can tell him to pay for the abortion or he’ll be raising my kid, if it’s even mine.
Ghetto chick: What the fuck do you mean if it’s yours?
Thug: Bitch please! I’m a pimp, look I gotta go–you and your husband figure it out.
Ghetto chick: Where the fuck you think your going?
Thug: Bitch, I don’t answer to you. I’m out.

–875 3rd Ave

Overheard by: splashmaster

Posted on October 12, 2006
Infidelity, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Should've Used a Condom, Thugs

Don’t Take This the Wrong Way, But I Hate You

Yuppie female: It’s just so complicated.
Yuppie male: Don’t take this the wrong way, but if he’s cheating on her with you, he’s a fucking idiot.

–30th & Park Ave South

Overheard by: Pedro Van

Posted on October 5, 2006
Etiquette, Infidelity, Insults, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Think ‘Un’ Is Also a Kind of Faithful

Ghetto guy: She know she got a man, but she’ll still gimme some. She know that!

–7 train

Young woman, screaming at young man: I dare you to fuck someone else again! I dare you!… You better not fuck anyone else! You better not!

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station, Brooklyn

Queer on cell: Since when has your gaping hole decided to be faithful to your boyfriend?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Keith

Walking VD: When I first met you seven months ago I was kinda in another relationship. But now that that’s over, wanna get back in bed?

–32nd & 7th

Cop: So I’m fucking his wife for 6 years, and now he complains!

–238th & Broadway

Overheard by: Miriam

Posted on August 23, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Cops, Dating, Hook Ups, Infidelity, Manhattan, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, People, Pick-up Lines, Places, Private Parts, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, The Bronx, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Women

Mom Gets Her Inner Ho-Bag Out of the Garage

Man: It was nice to meet you. Now will you shake my hand?
Little boy: No.
Man: Why not?
Little boy: Because she gave you her number, but she already has a boyfriend! I don’t like that.
Woman: Shut up. That’s not true.
Little boy: If it isn’t, then why did it say “Jason and Trish, together forever” on your phone, when I turned it on right now?
Woman: Together forever, my ass; now shut up!

–Q37 bus, Liberty Ave

Posted on July 30, 2006
Cell Phone, Hootchies, Infidelity, Kids, Lies, Men, MILF, Moms, On the Bus, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Talking/Convos

Now He’s Planning to Trade the Woman and the Magazines For the House

Clerk: 20 copies [of ELLE Decor]?
Older man: My Hamptons house is on the cover.
Younger woman: Actually, it’s not his house anymore.
Older man: It’s my ex-wife’s.
Younger woman: Yeah, he traded the house for me!

–Magazine shop, Gramercy

Posted on July 30, 2006
Clerks, Couples, Getting Jolie'd, Infidelity, Marriage, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Real Estate

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Big-Boned

Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!

–1 train

Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!

–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn

Overheard by: elwood

Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.

–Queens Center Mall

Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.

–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square

Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Melissa

Posted on July 19, 2006
A-List, About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Celebrities, Coney Island, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Girls, Gyms, Height, Infidelity, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parents, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Queens, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Times Square, Topics, TV, Venues

Don’t Talk Like That About My Friend Papilloma

Guy: She’s just a friend I fuck. And she has a boyfriend.
Girl: Who sleeps with prostitutes who give him genital warts.
Guy: Shhhh.

–Astoria-bound N train

Overheard by: effie

Posted on July 13, 2006
Bimbettes, Friendship, Girls, Guys, Infidelity, On the Subway, Sex, STDs

This Only Works If Both People Are Rolling

Girl #1: Hi…What are you drinking?
Girl #2: Hi. It’s rum and cranberry.
Girl #1: Are you single?
Girl #2: Yeah
Girl #1: I love my boyfriend…but sometimes I just wanna fuck other people.

Girl #2 just stares at Girl 1.

Girl #1: Have you ever been in love?
Girl #2: Yeah
Girl #1: Didn’t you ever just wanna fuck other people?
Girl #2: Umm…no. Not when I was with him. You might have a problem.
Girl #1: Wanna go to the bathroom?
Girl #2: Definitely not.

–The Hairy Monk

Overheard by: Shannon

Posted on May 9, 2006
Bars & Clubs, Bimbettes, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Infidelity, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Pick-up Lines, Relationships, Talking/Convos

When You’re in Her, You’re Family

Girl: What about that one ugly girl?
Guy: Man, she is so ugly. I would not touch that shit.
Girl: But you already fucked her!
Guy: Yeah, but it was only once. And I used a rubber.

Guy: You’re an ugly cheating cocksucking whore; you’re a fucking ugly slut. But you know why I stay with you? We have compatible personalities.

Guy: I hate that bitch. I want to fuck her in the ass.
Girl: But baby, you like to fuck me in the ass.
Guy: Yeah baby, but you like it when I fuck you in the ass.
Girl: Yeah, it doesn’t hurt so bad when you remember to breathe.

Girl: So when we get married are you gonna stop fucking my sister?
Guy: But I’ve been fucking her for a while now…It’s like a habit.

–Olive Garden, Times Square

Overheard by: helen r.

Posted on December 29, 2005
Assholes, Backdoor, Condoms, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Infidelity, Insults, Questions, Violence

I Guess But Fucking is a Dealbreaker

Guy #1: I was faithful and honest as I could be under the circumstances.
Guy #2: But you fucked him four times!

–Jamba Juice, 8th Avenue

Overheard by: BondgBoi

Posted on December 19, 2005
Backdoor, Gays and Lesbians, Infidelity, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes

Infidelity