Gay man, getting off plane, to gay flight attendant: Hey, it's great to see you again!
Female flight attendant: Have you been here recently?
Gay flight attendant: Hell no, girl. I haven't been here in forever. I don't know who the fuck that man is.
–LaGuardia Airport
Fat naked guy on cell in NYSC locker room: I'm just leaving the bank now.
–New York Sports Club
Girl on cell: Hello? Oh, hi mom. Yeah, yeah, it's really early here. Yeah, it's about two in the morning. Yeah, the Eiffel tower was beautiful. Yeah, right to the top. And then we had crepes, yeah.
–Columbia University
Guy at urinal: I'm walking toward baggage claim, where are you?
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Next urinal
Tweenybopper on phone: Hey, Xander? We're at my house. My mom says you and Corey can't come over. Sorry!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Grumpy old man, walking alone, on cell: I can't! I've got my grandson with me!
(pause) Bitch, why would I lie to you? (pause) Okay, love you too.
–Harlem
Teen girl #1: It's really hard to understand my biology teacher because he's from Vietnam.
Teen girl #2: What?
Teen girl #1: My biology teacher is Vietnamese.
Teen girl #2: Oh, I thought you said he was from Vietnam!
Teen girl #1: Yeah, he is.
Teen girl #2: The planet?
–LaGuardia Airport
Chick on cell: Are you sure this is a sex trip and not a "meet-my-parents" trip?
–14th St
Overheard by: Argopelter
Laughing woman on cell: I'm going to be so busy when I get back! My week of relaxation is just going to be ruined by a hurricane.
–Starbucks, Park Ave South & 29th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy to three hot girls carrying luggage: Oh, hello, ladies. I also travel! What a coincidence! (girls walk away laughing) You can run! I will find you! It's only a matter of time!
–Financial District
Black woman on phone: Ya, man, I just got back from Miami. Shit, I'm still jet lagged!
–Wendy's, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: oh really?
Blonde girl on plane to another: I figured out on this trip that if you pack your lightest clothes on the bottom of your suitcase it will weigh less! Coming in, my suitcase weighed 54 pounds, and going home it only weighed 46! (second blonde nods knowingly)
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Meagan O.
Hobo: Hey girls, could you spare some change? Please? It's for my Hawaii fund! I'm gonna wear a bikini and dance the hula. And fuck it, I'm freezing my butt off!
–University Place & 10th St
Overheard by: queenofscots
Midwestern lady #1: See those trees over there?
Midwestern lady #2: Oh yes!
Midwestern lady #1: Do you think that's Central Park?
Midwestern lady #2 (getting excited): Oh, yes I do! It looks just like the pictures in the guidebook!
(Midwestern ladies proceed to get out their cameras and take pictures)
–Runway, LaGuardia Airport
Old German man: Last night those people were staring at us. All of them, staring!
Old American woman: Yeah, they were. I wonder why.
Old German man: I bet they were German too, I wonder if they could tell I was German.
Old American woman: You were dressed pretty classy.
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Jake
Angry suit chick on phone: No, I am your second bitch, but I still love you!
–41st St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: That guy has his hands full
Cute activist girl, after extended conversation about Kwame Kilpatrick: I mean, you can't just kill a bitch and expect no one to notice!
–LaGuardia Airport
NYU sudent: She's like one of those fabulous bitches though, you know?
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Me too Honey
Guy on cell: A dog show, like where you pick up bitches!
–23rd Ave, Queens
Overheard by: Xavier
College student to friend: I really want to bump into him. Condescending comes across so much better in person. (pause) And I can't wait to be a sarcastic bitch!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Pola
Ex-con to group of friends: I don't mean shit to a bitch! (looks over at a terrified hipstergirl next to him. He takes off his hat) I mean. I have very little value to most ladies.
–C Train
Overheard by: Tim Roth
Mother to preteen daughter: Okay, just leave me alone now until we get in the air.
Daughter: Do you wanna hold my hand?
Mother: No, I don't wanna hold your hand. I have plenty of drugs and I just need to get in the zone.
–Inside Plane, LaGuardia
Overheard by: Pete
Husband: I would be the egg and you would be the quiche.
Wife: I am the quiche.
Husband: Aww, my little quichey!
–LaGuardia Airport
Flight attendant to passenger wearing a necklace of Africa: That's a pretty necklace. What state is it? Texas?
Passenger: Actually, no. It's Africa.
Flight attendant: Oh! It's not a state, it's a country!
–LaGuardia Airport
