Woman: I like butts. I don’t have no butt fetish!
Male friend: You’re always saying “kiss my butt”!
–39 th St & Broadway
Woman: I like butts. I don’t have no butt fetish!
Male friend: You’re always saying “kiss my butt”!
–39 th St & Broadway
Girl: He’s like, “Why so cold?” and I’m like, “You licked my ear! You licked my ear! You licked my ear! I cannot emphasize enough that you licked my ear.”
–43rd & 9th
Girl on cell: So if he licked my pussy, would it ruin our friendship?
–W 4th Street
Eight‐year old boy: Can I please lick your eyeball, mom?
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: thankfully, not the mom
20‐something woman talking to friends: So, having some guy really close to your ear with his tongue out is the most horrifying thing ever… Some guy just licked me on the subway. He emptied, like, an entire tube of toothpaste on my hair and back and then proceeded to lick it off me…I got to work and went to the bathroom. I washed my hair, and scrubbed my back raw, but I didn’t feel clean until I got home and took a shower.
–Gift Shop, The Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Lauren Weiss
Girl to friend: And then she bent over and he licked her ass.
–Astor Place Subway Station
Overheard by: Shane and Sammy
Pretentious redhead: So I said, “Please don’t lick me. I’m just trying to do my job.”
–Uptown E Train
Overheard by: wondering where she works
Chick on cell: It’s all about the eyeball lick. Tell her.
–59th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: aenigma
NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again.
–Forsyth St & E Houston St
Overheard by: Dave‑o
Teen girl to friends: He’s so gross! Seriously, I’d rather lick my cat’s asshole than hook up with that guy!
–Barnes & Noble, Bayside
Guy at bar to friend: I can’t believe you married a woman who won’t lick your asshole.
–Ale House, MacDougal St
Random woman: Why do you always insist on licking my elbow?
–86th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jana
Chick: How am I supposed to exercise my authority when people are asking me, ‘Do you want to lick it?’?!
–Churrascaria Plataforma
Dude: I used the little bathroom in the back, and there was sauce all over the toilet. I wanted to lick it up.
–DiFara’s Pizzeria
Teen boy: Oh my god, Barrett Foa! He’s so hot… I want him to lick my vagina! Oh, my poor, crusty vagina…
–Stage door of Golden Theatre
Overheard by: Emo Barbie Julia
Hipster boy: I will climb down on those tracks and lick that third rail. I will lick it!
–L train
Overheard by: how many hot dogs?
Punk chick: Why are you so disgusted by licking other people’s eyeballs?
–17th Ave, Brooklyn
Hyperactive seven‐year‐old: Mom! Let me lick your ear! Come here, let me suck it!
Disgusted mother: Boy, I ain’t your girl!
–2 Train
Old lady to husband: I heard Britney wants to adopt some pets instead taking care of her children.
Husband: They should just leave her alone.
Old lady to husband: Now you are defending her?
Husband: Not only defending her, I would wipe‐lick her butt and ass‐rape her until she farts cum.
–1 Train
Overheard by: gio
Hipster Pee‐wee Herman lookalike to friend: Oh, and when I give her anilingus to let me direct a show? You’re totally gonna be in it!
–Q Train
Overheard by: Flea
Man: I believe some of this will be made up.
–Going into Wicked, Broadway
Overheard by: CAM
Black highschool girl: Oh my god, why do they keep singing?
–In the Heights, Broadway Musical
Overheard by: Cookie
Woman in Jersey accent: Is this the one about the boy who wants to be a horse or the girl who wants to be a fish?
–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre
Overheard by: HarlemRy
Daniel Radcliffe fan girl: I have to be in this show some day. Even if I’m eighty, I gotta be in this show with him. I’d be like, “put it in me! Put it in me!”
–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre
Overheard by: Nikki
Man leaving Hair: Well, that beats the hell outta Shakespeare!
–Outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Boyfriend: What do they got, babe?
Girlfriend: Um, sandwiches, baked ziti, tossed salad…
Boyfriend: Aaaaw yeeeah. Tooossed saalaad.
Girlfriend: Alex…
Older 50‐something: What, what’s so funny? What?
Boyfriend: Um…yeah, no. Nothing, I was just being stupid.
(girlfriend giggles)
Older 50‐something: What?
(boyfriend whispers in 50‐something’s ear and she looks confused for a second)
Older aunt: Oh. You mean a rim job.
–Outdoor Cafe, 1st & 7th
Buff guy #1: So she was like “I wanna suck you.“
Buff guy #2: Wait…like your dick, suck you, or something else?
–F Train
Girl: Lisa went down on me while I was on my period. I decided just to roll with it.
–Frying Pan Bar
Professor: Let’s all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same schedule.
–NYU
Overheard by: Leslie
Upscale female suit on cell: I’m totally on the rag, but you can still lick my asshole.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: The Trooper
Gay guy on cell: I’m so cranky, I feel like I’m a girl who’s on her period and pregnant.
–Park Ave & 29th St
Big black guy, loudly on phone: Why you bitchin at me because I won’t cleeeeen behind you? I’m not gonna clean your nasty period ass offa the toilet! (nearby people begin laughing) Bitch, even the people on the streets be laughing at you!
–123rd St & Manhattan Ave
