Lower Manhattan

Been There, Done Them

Naked chick #1: I tried to call you Sunday, but your boyfriend said you were taking a nap.
Naked chick #2: Oh, why?
Naked chick #1: Well, I was reading Craigslist and this guy said he’d give someone $100 for 14 pills of tetrazepam and I was like, “Wait a minute, I have that!”
Naked chick #2: So you were calling to ask me if you should sell drugs over the internet?
Naked chick #1: Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Naked chick #2: Was there anyone on there offering money for a blowjob?
Naked chick #1: Um, no.
Naked chick #2: Because that’s another career option I wouldn’t recommend.

–14th Street Y sauna

Overheard by: klingrap

How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t in Touch with Their Feelings

Child whining in stroller: I’m hungry!
Mother: No, you’re not.

–Liberty & Broadway

And the Canadian Hat Dance

Deli worker: What part of Mexico are you from?
Tourist: Umm… We’re from Canada.
Deli worker: Oh. You sure like spicy peppers.
Tourist: Yeah. All Canadians like spicy peppers.
Deli worker: True.

–Broadway & Liberty

I Was Wondering the Same Thing

Guy #1: What’s with the queerfest?
Guy #2: It’s tomorrow night.

–Ave A & 3rd St.

Non Sequitur Theatre

Guy: I really hate it when people mop my feet. I am Jamaican, after all.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Stephie Russell

…If Not, Can I?

Guy: Has anyone ever accidentally dated you and your sister at the same time?

–Diner, 22nd and 9th

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Ah, The Dangers of Voting

Guy: Yeah, man, that’s true. But you have to keep in mind that while you’re emotionally emasculated, he’s physically emasculated, and there’s a helluva difference.

–Knitting Factory

Overheard by: Patrick Taylor

Full Metal Tuxedo Jacket

Arab man: Did you dance at your wedding?
Marine: I prefer not to think back at that point in my life.

–Casa Bella, Mulberry St.

…We'll Call Person B “Jamal”

Teacher, pointing to three figures on board: Now, greeny is on his computer sending an e-mail to reddy, who is on the phone with blacky.
Student: Blacky?
Teacher: Oh, dear. Person A is on the phone with person B…

–Millennium High School, Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: Adriana

Wednesday One-Liners Use the Safety Net

Teen girl on cell: What?! His name was "food stamps?"

–Outside W 4th St Train Station

Woman waiting in line for a free iced coffee at Dunkin' Donuts: Daaaayum… It's crowded in here, like at the welfare office!

–Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: Matt

Thug (seeing the line for Dark Knight: Yo, this is longer than the welfare line!

–42nd St AMC Theaters

Overheard by: Angel

Drunk hobo in seriously bright yellow jump suit: Will you marry me? I got food stamps.

–Broadway, Astoria

Guy on cell: What? Yeahhh, her momma's been on welfare so long her food stamps bounced.

–3rd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: nycpuhlease

20-year-old girl on cell: Yeah, I got the dress, it was like $100. I tried on matching pumas and I'm gonna go back to get those tomorrow. Hold on, I have another call.
(pause) Hello? Let me call you back, I'm on my way to pick up my welfare check.

–M2 Bus

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