Men

“Et Tu, Wednesday One-Liner?”

Very young thug to slightly older thug: My nigga, I'm the fuckin' ghetto McGyver! I can make a…a cigarette filter into a knife!

–Uptown B Train

Overheard by: It's a little too squishy to be very threatening…

Ghetto man: A woman tried to stab me once while we was having sex!

–Broadway & 32nd St

Girl on cell: She got stabbed 15 times. They said it was self defense.

–94th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Dan Rosen

Black guy on cell: Dude, she was trying to stab me with a corkscrew! I couldn't listen to you at a time like that! I was in crisis mode! (pause) Yes! A fucking corkscrew! A corkscrew, nigga! A motherfucking corkscrew!

–Fulton Street Mall

Hobo, wearing plastic crown wrapped in toilet paper: And after I got out of jail for trying to stab that motherfucker with a screwdriver, I said "fuck it, I'm the motherfucking Statue of Liberty! What you looking at, whitey?"

–4/5 Train

Overheard by: Whitey

Hip young NYU student on cell: I was with Ricky again last night. (pause) Yeah, I had to pull the knife out on him again. (pause) No, but it was funny, though.

–NYU

Overheard by: brooklyn1234

You Can't Walk Like an Egyptian Without Lots Of Lubrication

Woman to man: He's got this charm about him–he's slimy, like he's Egyptian or something.
(man, uneasy, looks around to check there are no Egyptians in there)
Woman, quickly: I don't mean “slimy” in a bad way.
Man: Sure.

–A Train

My Therapist Says That's Why I Don't Get Any

40-something man: Hey! I know you! You're Victor's daughter, right?
Teenage girl: Yeah.
40-something man: Wow, look how tall you've gotten. You probably don't remember me, but I'm a friend of your dad's from way back.
Teenage girl: Oh, awesome. (smiles)
40-something man: So…how are you? Still in school?
Teenage girl: No, no, graduated and taking a year off and then studying to be a lawyer.
40-something man, shaking head: Well, be prepared for a life of celibacy.

–34th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Sessi Li

Is This a Racial Incident? Discuss.

Hobo with cane: Is that a Pit Bull?
Man with dog: No, it's a Basset Hound.
Hobo with cane: That's impossible, Basset Hounds do not exist. It's a Pit Bull!

–Broadway & 10th St

And If She's Pregnant, Her Problems Are Deep-Seeded

Woman: I think she has deep seeded problems.
Man: Did you say “seeded,” like s-e-e-d-e-d?
Woman: Yeah, why?
Man: It's “seated.” Deep “seated” problems. Not “seeded.”
Woman: That's stupid. Why would a problem be “seated”? Seeds are deep, not seats.
Man: Seated, like, positioned.
Woman: Go pick your nose.
Man: Fine. Just remember when you told me there's no part of the body called a “bone of contention.”
Woman: I am so kicking your ass later.

–Civil Court, Livingston Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

Your Editors Want to Order Whatever He Had

Starbucks employee: Sir, what is your name, so we can help you?
Man lying on floor: Well, my first name is Neil, like Neil Sedaka, but I'm not him. My last name is Bolton, like Michael Bolton, but I'm also not him. My name is Neil Bolton.

–Starbucks, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Stina

Hasn't She Suffered Enough?

Man: Aww…why are you grumpy?
Woman: I'm not grumpy! I just don't like when you talk about getting head from Nancy Reagan!

–St. John's Place, Park Slope

Overheard by: Hunter

The First Glitch in Your Matrix Is Always the Hardest, Honey

Obese middle-aged lady: So I went to mail a letter…and the mailbox I've used for 25 years was gone! What do you think that even means? Did someone steal it? Why would they just remove a mailbox?
Skinny middle-aged white man, incredulously: I've never heard of anything like that in my entire life.
Obese middle-aged lady: I know, I was literally standing there for 15 minutes wondering what to do. I missed my train, I really don't know why they would remove a mailbox.
Skinny middle-aged white man: That is crazy. I've never heard of that.
(couple then repeats variations of the same conversation for the next three stops)

–Downtown 1 Train

Yeah? Fuck Both Of Them.

Old man on bus: Are you going to watch the derby?
Younger man on bus: No…I don't like horse racing at all, actually. I think it's cruel.
(pause)
Old man: You remember Paul Revere?
Younger man: Yeah.
Old man: He rode a horse.

–Bus Into Port Authority

You're Right on the Edge, Though

Man on bus to woman next to him: You have a very nice smile.
Woman: Thank you.
Man: And don't you let anyone ever tell you you're fat. You're not. You're pleasantly plump. There's a difference.

–M15A Bus

Overheard by: Matt

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist