Disheveled middle aged man: You are drunk! You are drunk! You are drunk!
Drunk disheveled middle aged woman, leaning against car: Don't you ever call my mother on Mother's Day again.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: Tess
Disheveled middle aged man: You are drunk! You are drunk! You are drunk!
Drunk disheveled middle aged woman, leaning against car: Don't you ever call my mother on Mother's Day again.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: Tess
Woman: Why you using all that Purell?
Man: I don't want no pig AIDS.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Ben Solomon
Woman: Open up my pants, and what do you find?
Man: Bing-bong, it's chlamydia!
–E Train
Overheard by: HappyCamper
Lady shouting into cell: Stop screaming in my ear! Stop screaming in my ear! Stop screaming in my ear!
–Flatbush Ave, Prospect Heights
Overheard by: Ja9
Deli cashier with heavy accent to West Indian man with heavy accent: I don't speak Jamaican! I speak English!
–Crown Heights
Overheard by: Holly
Man on crowd: Stop shoving! There are fucking kids here, watch out, asshole!
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Alexis
Man walking with small kid on cell: Ain't no one cursing at yo! Fuck, why you got to be like that?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Heather
Woman on cell: I just hate for people to hear my conversations in public.
–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th
Overheard by: Nicole
Guy: But that way everyone feels a little more suicidal, and that makes it much more interesting.
–Broadway & 9th
85-year-old woman with leathery skin, in neon pink jumpsuit and sunglasses, with cigarette in one hand and cane in the other: I wish that cunt would just fucking kill herself!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: kyle
Woman to son, as they look at street vendors' wares: Oh, and do you have the number for the suicide hotline?
–Prince & Mulberry
Upper West Side suit to friend: And I was like, "but I've worn that four times, I can't wear that again. I'd just have to kill myself!"
–Broadway & 104th St
Overheard by: Cat
Man, to the tune of "Lean on Me": Sometimes in our lives/we want to jump right out the window…
–DUMBO, Brooklyn
Overheard by: amused
Toddler: Mommy, you make me suicidal!
–Roosevelt Island Bus
Older woman to bored-looking male dinner companion, as they are seated at a table: Now we have to think of something to talk about.
–The Place, West Village
Overheard by: Colleen
Female grad student: I was trippy enough to talk to Shrek, but not trippy enough for him to answer.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Poogins
Hobo with huge afro chasing after two chatting women: Are you talking when the champion is speaking?! How dare you?
–2nd Ave & 9th St
Teacher to class entering auditorium: Children, stop talking! This is a building!
–College of Mount Saint Vincent
Man on cell: Ray Romano, you're talking to a millionaire!
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Katie
Girl on phone: It's just like, he seriously has a really squishy face that you can stick your finger in, and it goes like a million miles in, and you're just like "what the fuck!" But yeah, nothing happened, we just talked.
–Palladium Residence Hall, NYU
Very young thug to slightly older thug: My nigga, I'm the fuckin' ghetto McGyver! I can make a…a cigarette filter into a knife!
–Uptown B Train
Overheard by: It's a little too squishy to be very threatening…
Ghetto man: A woman tried to stab me once while we was having sex!
–Broadway & 32nd St
Girl on cell: She got stabbed 15 times. They said it was self defense.
–94th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Dan Rosen
Black guy on cell: Dude, she was trying to stab me with a corkscrew! I couldn't listen to you at a time like that! I was in crisis mode! (pause) Yes! A fucking corkscrew! A corkscrew, nigga! A motherfucking corkscrew!
–Fulton Street Mall
Hobo, wearing plastic crown wrapped in toilet paper: And after I got out of jail for trying to stab that motherfucker with a screwdriver, I said "fuck it, I'm the motherfucking Statue of Liberty! What you looking at, whitey?"
–4/5 Train
Overheard by: Whitey
Hip young NYU student on cell: I was with Ricky again last night. (pause) Yeah, I had to pull the knife out on him again. (pause) No, but it was funny, though.
–NYU
Overheard by: brooklyn1234
Woman to man: He's got this charm about him–he's slimy, like he's Egyptian or something.
(man, uneasy, looks around to check there are no Egyptians in there)
Woman, quickly: I don't mean “slimy” in a bad way.
Man: Sure.
–A Train
40-something man: Hey! I know you! You're Victor's daughter, right?
Teenage girl: Yeah.
40-something man: Wow, look how tall you've gotten. You probably don't remember me, but I'm a friend of your dad's from way back.
Teenage girl: Oh, awesome. (smiles)
40-something man: So…how are you? Still in school?
Teenage girl: No, no, graduated and taking a year off and then studying to be a lawyer.
40-something man, shaking head: Well, be prepared for a life of celibacy.
–34th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Sessi Li
Hobo with cane: Is that a Pit Bull?
Man with dog: No, it's a Basset Hound.
Hobo with cane: That's impossible, Basset Hounds do not exist. It's a Pit Bull!
–Broadway & 10th St
