It's the Great Wednesday One-Liner, Charlie Brown

Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.

–A Train

Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?

–Halloween Adventure

Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!

–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: kathcom

Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!

–Downtown 6 Train

Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.

–Downtown 6 train

Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: J. Ra

Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.

–Soho

Overheard by: Edan

Posted on February 10, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Astoria, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Fruit, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Music, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Sexuality, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, TV, Vagina, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

In Twenty Years, the Only Music That Will Offend Parents Will Be Show Tunes

Girl, singing: Take me on! I’ll be gone, in a day or twooo!
Mother: I couldn’t stand that crap when it was released. Now you’re screaming it in my ear? I’d rather hear that shit they play nowadays, even if it’s disgusting and perverted. Why can’t you sing that?

–M96 bus

Overheard by: Treesha

Posted on February 8, 2015
Kids, Moms, Music, On the Bus

This Way, When It Flushes, He Feels Like He Accomplished Something

Mother to small child in stall (loudly): No, it won't flush. (shouting) It won't flush! It's not like at home. It won't flush unless you touch it. (shouting) It won't flush! Stop! It's not going to flush unless you touch it. (shouting) It won't flush! Don't make me make you go in your pants! It won't flush! They're not the same.

–Women's Bathroom, JFK

Posted on February 7, 2015
JFK Airport, Kids, Moms, Pee

That Would Be Dangerous

20-year-old: Mom, I have definitely heard these songs before.
Mother: Honey, this isn’t a new musical.

–Schoenfeld Theatre

Overheard by: Samuel M.

Posted on February 7, 2015
Comebacks, Default, Girls, Moms, Theater, Theater & Dance, Time

Al-Qaeda: Hmmm…

Mother to son, as he exits camel ride: Were you scared?
Son: The part that was scariest was the germs.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: mully

Posted on February 6, 2015
Boys, Fears, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Questions, The Bronx, Threats, Tourist Attractions, Weirdness

Just Wait 'Til You Have Wednesday One-Liners Of Your Own!

Ghetto guy herding large group of rowdy kids off train: Scuse me, scuse me, scuse me! Lotta kids, they all ain't mine!

–C Train

Overheard by: Julie S.

Professional woman on cell: I mean, she said she'd finally come to the place where she realizes her kids are shit, and she can just wash her hands off the whole situation and be done with it!

–40th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rachel

Receptionist to UPS guy: Shit, I got five kids, and they're all bad.

–6th Ave & 47th

Overheard by: thanks mom

Angry woman, yelling on phone: Nigga, don't give me that "parenting role" shit!

–Flatbush Ave & Park Place, Brooklyn

Concerned mother: He's not even potty-trained, all he does is eat the toilet paper.

–University Pl & 8th St

Overheard by: Justin

Posted on February 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Should've Used a Condom, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Chosen for What, Is the Question

Teen girl #1: Yeah, so being Jewish is worlds of fun. We are better than everyone else.
Teen girl #2: I want to be Jewish!
Mom of girl #1: Sorry, honey, we are the chosen people.
Queer passerby: Not with that nose, honey.

–19th & 5th

Posted on February 4, 2015
Body Parts, Jews, Judaism, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Queer guys, Teens

Blood’s Available in the Gift Shop

Little girl in stroller pointing to Bodies Exhibit poster: Mama, what’s that?
Mom: That’s what the inside of your body looks like. That’s what your heart looks like. I don’t know what everything else is.
Little girl: Where’s all the blood?
Mom: Well, I guess they drained the blood. Isn’t it pretty?

–LIRR, Penn Station

Posted on February 2, 2015
Kids, Moms, Penn Station

Or Straight

Boy: You know what, I don’t know anyone who has such good taste in fashion as me, and I’m only twelve!
Mom: Honey, stop saying those things. People will think you’re arrogant.
Girl: It’s only arrogance if you’re wrong.

–McDonald’s, Times Square

Posted on February 1, 2015
Age/Aging, Brothers, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fashion, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Sisters, Times Square, Tweens

Moms