PETA-Approved Wednesday One-Liners

HS boy to two friends: Dude, you’d be surprised how many vegetarians are into meaty chicks.

–E train

Man eating salad: Vegetarians should be evolutionarily punished.

–Small diner, Chinatown

Girl to friend: Hey, do you think that the reason he doesn’t like oral sex is because he’s vegan? [Friend is silent.] Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it.

–112th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Gigi

Cougar dining with pals: I’m an animal-lover, so I’m going to get the fish.

–Rue 57, 57th & 6th

Crazy woman: Vegetarians have better sex!

–F/V train stop, Houston & 1st Ave

Overheard by: So, no hot beef injection?

Woman handing out leaflets for veganism: Come on, come on! Vegans have better sex! No, really — try me!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: What is she trying to sell here?

Posted on June 13, 2015
Advice, Animals & Nature, BJs, Boys, Chinatown, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Default, Diet/Weight, Flyer people, Friends, Girls, Ladies Who Lunch, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sex, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vegetarian & Vegan, Weirdness, Women

A Hot Pretzel? Perhaps a Nice Handjob?

Bicycle taxi guy: Hey, you want a ride through Central Park?
Tourist: No thanks.
Bicycle taxi guy: How about a foot massage? How about some dance lessons?

–Central Park

Posted on June 13, 2015
Body Parts, Cabbies, Central Park, Dancing, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, Parks, Tourism, Tourists, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Hope for Conjugal Visits

Trench coat guy on cell: Are they arresting you?

–72nd & West End

Overheard by: orlum

Woman rushing inside: Oh my god! I was almost an eyewitness to something!

–Viacom building, 44th & Broadway

Overheard by: bonster

Man on cell: I’m sorry to bother you, but I really don’t wanna go to jail…

–S 2nd & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Are All Criminals So Polite?

Guy: That’s so true! He’ll willingly go to jail just for the free sex!

–Union Square Park

Chick toting a baby: Yeah, but I ain’t qualify fo’ that ’cause of all them felonies I got.

–Ridgewood, Queens

Overheard by: Grytsayo

Posted on June 13, 2015
Backdoor, Crime and Punishment, Default, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Prison, Queens, Questions, Sex, Soho, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Lest the Secret Of Suspenders Be Revealed to Profane Ears

Old man wearing suspenders #1: That's a great pair of suspenders.
Old man wearing suspenders #2: Thanks. I had a heckuva time getting them.
Library security guard: Sir, please lower your voice.

–New York Public Library, 34th & Madison

Posted on June 12, 2015
Clothing, Compliments, Default, Etiquette, Library, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Old People, Security Guards

Let's Make Some Coffee–These Negotiations Could Take All Night.

Cute blonde: I like fucking you. No, I love fucking you.
Buff guy: Yeah.
Cute blonde: But if I suck your dick and you cum, you'll fall asleep.
Buff guy: How about you suck my dick and then I fuck you?
Cute blonde: That never happens. But if you come with me to my friend Sam's party, I'll suck your dick.

–4 Train

Posted on June 10, 2015
BJs, Celebrations/Parties, Cum, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Sex

And You Saw What That Did to the Girl on Felicity!

Girl running from her mother: You can’t catch me!
Mom running after her: Aw helllllll no! You keep runnin’ and I’m gonna cut your hair off when we get home!

–Halsey and Wycoff, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mary Beth

Posted on June 10, 2015
Brooklyn, Default, Girls, Hair, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Threats

Wednesday One-Liners Go Looking for a Vein

Girl #1 to girl #2: Wouldn't you just rather have a night where we just get really high and scissor?

–Grand & Union, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: So they're smoking crack and fucking on his mother's bed!

–17th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Dave

Little kid: Look, I'm on crack!

–Apple Store, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: Robert

Junkie to junkie companion, standing in front of Band-Aids: I need to test positive for methadone and negative for everything else…

–Walgreens, Union Square

Hobo on train: Does anyone have any money for me? Any food? Any opium? Lots and lots of opium?

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: left my opium stash at home

20-something blond girl on cell: You just have to convince them that you care more about college than you do about drugs, and they'll give you another chance…that's what I did!

–Chinatown Bus

Overheard by: GavinJoyce

Tourist: So I called her up and said, "Come down or you're going to miss breakfast, and I want to have breakfast with you." And all she said was, "I really like opium." and I was like, "Oh, okay."

–33rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on June 10, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Druggies, Drugs, Education, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Hobos, Kids, Malls, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Sexuality, Staten Island, Store, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Coincidentally, How Cleopatra Resolved Political Disputes

Guy, to girl with bangs and big eyes: I like that… Cleopatra thing you got goin’ on there.
Girl, annoyed: Cleopatra? You think I look like Cleopatra?
Guy: Well, yeah.
Girl: Okay. (sighs) Can we just have sex now?

–W 4th St

Posted on June 9, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Offers and requests, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, The Village

That Dead Fly on the Rim Is Almost Like a Little Umbrella

Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: I'll have a cosmopolitan.
Bartender: We don't serve cosmos here.
Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: Fine, I'll have a gin and tonic.
Bartender: We've got two types of beer. Light and dark.
(woman pauses in thought)
Bartender: Here, honey. Try the light. It's kind of like a cosmo.

–McSorley's, Bowery & 7th

Posted on June 9, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Default, Drinks, Girls, Offers and requests, Union Square and East Village

Guess Who Went to Preschool Boot Camp

Girl: Can we call a truce? Can we just say we won't bring this up again?
Guy: Well, you're the one who brought it up before.
Girl: That is bringing it up again!

–Chelsea Flea Market

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on June 9, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Questions, Relationships, Store

Offers and requests