Five-year-old: Wipe!
60-year-old father: What for?
Five-year-old: Daddy, I need a wipe! Now! I think I spilled!
–60th St
Five-year-old: Wipe!
60-year-old father: What for?
Five-year-old: Daddy, I need a wipe! Now! I think I spilled!
–60th St
Preppy girl: I really loved that movie. I thought it was titillating… And not just because there was cock and balls. I don’t care about that.
–Third Avenue
Guy to self: Brokeback mountain… Starring Hillary Clinton!
–Herald Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Worst Movie Ever
Doofette: I mean like I know it got the Oscar and all, but I thought "No Country for Old Men" was pretty boring. I have to admit though the choreography was amazing.
–SoHo
Thug, peddling pile of DVDs: Ghetto Blockbuster! I am your ghetto Blockbuster! I got movies, CDs, porno. [Another group of customers walks in.] I got that action, comedy, romance and I got that pussy! I am your friendly neighborhood ghetto Blockbuster.
–24 Hour McDonalds, Water & Moore
Overheard by: BigKahuna&BigRed
Creepy hipster: You’d think you can’t have sex to "Silence of the Lambs"…
–Huron St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Dude on cell: If you like murder, you’re gonna love this movie!
–48 Bus
Guido on phone: C'mon! Me and Shannon want someone to drink with tonight!
Girl with heavy black eyeliner: Yeah! I love alcohol!
(they high five)
–A&W, Staten Island
Overheard by: Brandi, Anna and Kim
Train conductor: If anyone sees a blue and yellow backpack, please give it to the train conductor. Jason has a test and he needs to study.
–4 Train
Overheard by: heather
Random guy walking into the ferry station: I figured if I took the test high, I'd get high scores.
–Staten Island Ferry Station
Overheard by: mindy
Professor: These pop quizzes are like making love: you don't get any points for speed, you get them for accuracy.
–Psych Class, Hunter College
Overheard by: I completely agree
Undergrad: I don't even want to look at my art history midterm yet, but if I don't know how I did, I'll go crazy! It's like a Catch-66! Anyway, I'm going to head back to my dorm and put on some pants.
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Mom pushing stroller: May I have some of your croissant?
Little girl in stroller: Yeah, but not daddy.
Mom: Oh, you don't want daddy to have any of your croissant?
Little girl: Yeah.
Mom: You want to control who gets to eat your croissant?
Little girl: Yeah.
Mom: You want control of your croissant?
Little girl: …yeah.
Mom: You want croissant power?
Little girl: (silence)
Mom: You want to be Captain croissant?
Little girl: (silence)
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Commodore Croissant
Annoyingly hipster girl: So there’s a fetish party tonight, do you want to go? It’s five bucks.
Annoyingly hipster guy: Oh, I don’t know.
Annoyingly hipster girl: Come on. It will be better than last time, I promise.
–Whole Foods, Houston St
Mother: So remember, when we get off the train, you have to hold my hand.
Five-year-old girl: Capeesh.
Mother: Do you understand? You have to hold my hand.
Five-year-old girl: Capeesh, mom! Capeesh!
–A Train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
NYU nerdy chick on cell: The oral is going to be super hard. …But I think I’ll be good at it.
–NYU
Overheard by: kat
Clerk, to female co-worker: I keep my meat to the side.
–Walgreens, Atlantic Ave
Girl: Bite and suck, bite and suck, bite and suck!
–Szechuan Restaurant
Overheard by: tallierand
Female customer to employee: …the gum that has the things in it. She likes to chew on the ones with the blue balls.
–Duane Reade, Fresh Meadows
Overheard by: evan FM
College sophomore: … So yeah, I said "Mom, stop rotating my pickle!"
–USA #1 Deli, La Salle & Broadway
Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze
Father to younger son: So you like second base right?
–Douglaston Market, Queens
Overheard by: Noelle
Conductor: All tickets… Ticket, please.
Drunk pirate guy: I, uh… I don’t have any money… Uh [unintelligible slurring]…
Man nearby: Hey, conductor, ask for the fare in doubloons, or pieces of eight!
–Eastbound LIRR
Overheard by: Alex
Little girl: Daddy, daddy, will you buy me some Easter candy?
Father: No, sweetheart. We don’t celebrate Easter–we’re Jewish.
Little girl: But mommy buys me Easter candy!
Father: It’s not my fault your mother has abandoned her principles.
–Times Square
