Wednesday Undie-Liners

Guy: Oh, man! It is not a good day to be my underwear!

–Wine Store, 75th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Raven

10-year-old to little brother: Hey! C'mere! You wanna play Captain Underpants?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: dogboy

Guy on cell: I'm not paying her to smell your underwear!

–57th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lagsalot

Loud older gentleman watching people at subway entrance: They don't wear brassieres anymore!

–23rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Zombie Boyfriend

Older lady in funeral procession behind bag piper wearing kilt: I looked. He's wearing underpants.

–120th & Broadway

Posted on November 9, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Brothers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Musicians, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Sensory Experiences, Store, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

It’s Like Being Erased from the Book of the Universe

Young woman: How many children do you have?
Old woman: Two… well, I had three, but one moved to Florida.

–Doctor’s office, 166 E. 63rd

Posted on October 21, 2020
Kids, Office, Old People, Parents, U.S. Geography

Maybe Mom Got a Head Wound in Iraq, or Something

Little kid: Hey, mom, look! You can see the moon!
Ghetto mom: Shut up! You can't see no moon when the sun out. Sit down 'fore I bust yo little ass!
Little kid: But I can see the moon!
Nice older lady to kid: You're right, honey. You can see the moon when the sun is out. The moon is bright because of the sun.
Kid to mom: See, I told you I could see the moon?
Ghetto mom: That bitch lyin'!

–A Train

Overheard by: innocent mta customer

Posted on September 5, 2020
Ass, Astronomy, Ghetto Chicks, Insults, Kids, Moms, Old People, On the Subway, Parents, Threats, Violence, Women

As Close to a Sweet Vignette As OINY Gets

(man with headphones singing out loud moves over so that an elderly couple can sit down together)
Old lady: Thank you.
Man: You are very, very welcome. I’m rappin’ out loud, but I’m a gentleman. I was raised in the streets, but I’m good.

–1 Train

Overheard by: huh?

Posted on September 2, 2020
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Default, Education, Etiquette, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Women

“What What (In the Wednesday One-Liner)”

Girl to teenage posse: Either the pen was really weak or his butt was really strong.

–Jackson Heights, Queens

Overheard by: Newsbunny doesn't want to know

Crazy guy to self, after average woman walks by: Damn, that was a fine ass, a fine ass, that ass was so fine I'd eat a sandwich out that ass!

–36th & Broadway

Overheard by: Dingleberry

Large grown woman to grown man: I thought you have all sorts of butt magazines…

–34th & 8th

Guy to girl: I like it when you wear jeans, girl! It's like your ass is gift wrapped!

–33rd & 7th

Older woman to younger woman: If your booty deserves the credit, give it the credit!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Hell Yeah Give it the Credit!

Posted on August 8, 2020
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crazies, Fat People, Food, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Queens, Street, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

So I Put the Old Guy Out of His Misery

Shop guy: Well, I can help you if you want.
Old guy with carton of figs: Don’t help me! Do it for me, dammit!

–75th & Broadway

Overheard by: punkee

Posted on July 24, 2020
Anger Management, Assholes, Nice People, Offers and requests, Old People, Shopping, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers

Then You’ll Love It When They Grab Your Purses and Run

Three people get up to let a group of old ladies sit.

Old lady #1: Don’t you hate when they do that?
Old lady #2: [nods in agreement]

–Uptown E train

Overheard by: did not get up

Posted on July 14, 2020
Etiquette, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation

Grizzlies: ‘No, Really, We’re Good, Couldn’t Eat Another Bite, Thanks!’

Older woman: When I die, I’m going to be fed to the grizzlies.
Younger woman: What?
Older woman: I want my hands and feet cremated and put into St John’s Cathedral, and the rest of me I want made into steaks and fed to an endangered species. It’s not enough anymore to just give them money. You have to give them part of yourself.

–South End Ave

Overheard by: lino & wyja

Posted on May 25, 2020
Advice, Animals & Nature, Battery Park, Crazies, Death, Food, Old People, Philosophy, Women

Says the Woman Who Chooses to Live in Omaha?

Older tourist woman to NBC tour guide: So, we are going to see the rock at the top?
Guide: It's called “the top of the rock.”
Woman: Well, that doesn't make any sense?

–30 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Michael

Posted on May 19, 2020
Clerks, Old People, Rockefeller Center, Tourism, Tourists, Words

Okay, Better

Little boy: I farted!
Mother: Oh, Andrew, that's gross.
Grandma: Yes, say “excuse me” and then get out of here.
Little boy: Bombs away!

–Target, Queens

Posted on April 22, 2020
Apologies, Families, Family Ties, Farting & Burping, Kids, Moms, Old People, Queens, Should've Used a Condom, Store

Old People