Wednesday, with a One-Liner Chaser

Female day-drinking tourist: Oh shit, I left my vodka in the church!

–Outside Trinity Church

Man on cell: If it's possible to ferment it, we have fermented it.

–7th St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave

Middle-aged man to younger man: You know how cats and dogs–they eat and then they go? In one end and out the other. I'm like that. My bladder has room for the equivalent of one good cocktail.

–10th Ave and W 50th St

Overheard by: Ah….middle age

Commuter at 8 am: Beer. Beer.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: baconista

Old drunk walking into a liquor store, to clerk: Have you got my prescription?

–Broadway & 106th St

Overheard by: rickbruner

Posted on April 13, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Church, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Gay Man's Best Friend, Grand Central, Height, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Questions, Store, Street, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Boxes and Boxes of Cocoa Puffs

Old woman: Have you seen Charlie?
Guy: No..he said he was gonna check himself into the hospital, and probably stay for a long time.
Old woman: Because I have some food for him…Now Patrick, have you seen Charlie? I have some food for him.
Old man: Charlie done checked hisself into the psycho ward for two months.
Old woman: I guess I gotta throw the food out then.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Heiny Kleist

Posted on March 15, 2021
Brooklyn, Crazies, Food, Old People, Williamsburg

Yes…Her Own! (Happy Halloween)

Old man: I like your outfit.
Old woman: Thanks, I wore it at a funeral last night.

–Morris Park

Overheard by: Lon Steinberg

Posted on January 31, 2021
Death, Fashion, Old People, The Bronx

Dildo and Crack Shopping, Mothafuckaaa!

Old man with sign reading “sinners without faith are going to hell”: Do you know where you're going?
Hot girl: Yeah, old man…I'm going shopping.

–W 53rd St

Overheard by: Melissa Platt

Posted on January 29, 2021
Christianity, Girls, God Squad, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Questions, Satan, Shopping

…By Glazing Over the Truth.

Old lady covered in baby powder: Give me six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, which ones?
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: These are all donuts… Which ones?
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, I'll just give you a selection of six. (starts putting random donuts in bag)
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts, don't trick me.

–Flatbush, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Save the Whales, Save the Whole Thing

Posted on January 16, 2021
Brooklyn, Clerks, Customers, Food, Offers and requests, Old People, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity

Boneless Ones in Sauce

Old lady #1: Well, then my grandson and his friends went over to Hooters. You know, Hooters the restaurant? Do you know what hooters are?
Old lady #2: Big boobies?

–Guy & Gallard Deli, 6th & 37th

Overheard by: Michelle S.

Posted on January 12, 2021
Delis, Old People, Rack

He Hates Sweeping Up Shattered Ethnic Stereotypes

Old Jewish man: My doorman doesn't like me.
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: Why?
Old Jewish man: If I told you, you wouldn't believe it. I had a bunch of newspapers I had to throw out, but I had to put them in the recycling bin. So I was opening it up when a black woman said to me, “aw, sir, you don't have to go through the garbage!” and she gave me twenty dollars!
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: You didn't keep it, did you?
Old Jewish man: She dashed away down the stairs! I had to.
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: And the doorman saw that?
Old Jewish man: Uh-huh.

–Chase Bank, Queens Blvd

Posted on December 25, 2020
Bank, Garbage, Homeless, Jews, Money & Class, Old People, Queens, Questions, Weirdness

We Hereby Declare the New Staten Island Ferry Open for Eavesdropping

Older gentlemen: How much did this boat cost?
Younger guy: 1.6 billion dollars. It’s the only boat of its kind.
Older gentlemen: Well that ain’t for us; we think it’s for us but it’s for the tourists…

–The Guy Molinari

Overheard by: Lou