Young girl: How old are you?
22 year-old girl: I'm 22.
Young girl: And you're pregnant!
22 year-old girl: No I'm not.
Young girl: Why do you have a big belly then?
22 year-old girl: Well you know, when you're my age, hormonal and stuff, you'll get fat. People will think you're pregnant when you're not, and you'll cry. So you'll eat tons of salads to make the belly disappear but it won't work and you'll be sad. That's all life's about. Don't grow up.
–A Train
Overheard by: Violette
Preteen boy #1: My new girlfriend told me to meet her there after school.
Preteen boy #2: Why don't you just call her and tell her you'll be late?
Preteen boy #1: I don't have her number.
Preteen boy #2: How is she your girlfriend if you don't even have her phone number?
Preteen boy #1: Cause I kissed her on the lips and she liked it!
–L Train
Douche on cell: I haven't had sex in 48 days and I feel like it's getting smaller. What should I do?
–48th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jnaz
Really old man complaining to his wife: You'd rather watch CNN than have sex with me!
–The Water Club, 30th & FDR
Overheard by: Trying to have a romantic dinner date
Pretty girl on cell: Yeah, I got this really bad toothache…my gums are sore too. (pause)
What do you mean what have I been putting in my mouth? (laughs) Well, nothing exciting, that's for sure! Maybe that's the problem. My mouth's probably going on strike cause it hasn't been getting any action.
–F Train
Overheard by: I wouldnt have minded putting something of mine in her mouth!
Girl on phone: I mean, if I don't fuck him, who will? His bitch-ass girlfriend certainly won't. (pause) No, not even; she only got those piercings so she could put a fucking lock in it.
–L Train
Random guy outside bedroom window: Just because I won't sleep with you doesn't mean I don't love you!
–Union Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Casey
Suit on cell: You're stupid enough to swallow a condom but you're smart enough to know you can sue someone.
–69th & York
Overheard by: Eugene
Attractive tall Asian chick with purple hair on cell: There's no way I would be compatible with someone so much smarter than me.
–Joralemon & Columbia, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Awesome Mother Fucker
Effeminate young man to lady friend: I think you're street smart when nobody tells you you're street smart.
–C train
Father to son: You are so smart. You are going to be the leader of a cult someday.
–Thompson & Spring
Guy, refusing to hold on to train pole: I'm trying to see how stupid I can really be.
–7 Train
Overheard by: jj
Train conductor: Next stop, 42nd. If you want to transfer to the e, I think it's running on the r, so get off next stop and walk to the r line. Don't be an idiot and wait for a train that ain't coming. Get off at 42nd and go to the r line.
–A Train
Overheard by: Amy
Chubby girl, passionately arguing on cell: I really believe Fabio is so not stupid. (pause) Seriously! He just has trouble…um…communicating.
–Outside Educational Housing Services, Clark & Henry
Overheard by: Blue Steel
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we have an idiot on board. He knows who he is.
–N Train
Old man: Give the woman your seat.
Young man: I'm not giving nothin' to no one in a North Face jacket!
–6 Train
Overheard by: DrNels
(conductor closes subway doors on relatively empty train, preventing a throng of people from boarding)
3-year-old girl: Mommy, why did he do that?
Mother: Because he's mean!
–1 Train
Overheard by: M
Conductor, over PA: We are having signal problems, so the e train is running every ten minutes, and very packed.
Hobo, yelling: Packed full of lesbians!
–E Train
Overheard by: Andrew
Loud ghetto subway conductor: This train is going local. Local! Local!
(happy Latino couple bursts out laughing)
Latino man: Haha…loco! Loco!
–F Train
Overheard by: LH
High school thug girl #1: Yo, I want to get something pierced.
High school thug girl #2: That'd be so cool, yo. But what'd you get?
High school thug girl #1: When I have a daughter I'm gonna name her “bitch”.
High school thug girl #2 (after quiet contemplation): Bitch…yeah…that'd be cool.
High school thug girl #1: I guess I'd get my nose pierced.
–Q Train
