What Day Do the Wednesday One-Liners Come Out?

Patron: Do these stairs go up?

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Maura

Drunk White Sox fan to passerby: Hey, what time does Times Square close?

–Outside Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: giovanna

Dude at the next table: Is Long Island really an island?

–Peter Luger’s, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Yes, he really just said that

(girl sees poster for Army Wives and turns to friend)
Girl: I don’t get that show. Are they married to army dudes or something?

–C Train

Southern lady: Empire State ReBuilding? Does that mean they’re moving it?

–33rd & 5th

Overheard by: Katie Mainc

Posted on July 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Southerners, Stupidity, The Met, TV, Williamsburg, Women, Words, Yankee Stadium

“You’re Gonna Like the Way You Wednesday One-Liner. I Guarantee It.”

Suit on cell, running: Oh shit! Oh shit! I told you! The monks are after me!

–Central Park

Overheard by: walking with bagel

Midtown suit: I’m the fucking Vice President. I shouldn’t have to crawl under my desk four times a day.

–Passing MSG

Overheard by: coasts

Suit on cell: I don’t really know… No, I definitely don’t remember his name. I was kind of drunk.

–48th & Lex

Suit: Well, they had voices then.

–Outside Sardi’s

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Suit on cell: No, I told you to sell, sell, sell! This is important! Listen to me! Wait! Hold on, I have someone important on the other line. (takes out some chapstick, takes his time to smear his lips with it, then gets back to phone) So, where was I..?

–N Train, Queens

Overheard by: Zazaplaza

Posted on July 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Drinking & Drunk People, Fears, Gripes, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Madison Square Garden, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, On Cell, On the Subway, Queens, Religion, Suits, Weirdness

Bone Wednesday-One-Liners-N-Harmony

Gay thug: I better be able to attend the motherfuckin’ flower show or I’m going to hit someone.

–1 Train

Thug: Man, he told us not to add more sugar but we put more sugar in that sauce. Shit was panty-droppin, son.

–Deli, 21st St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Ryn

Thug, in high-pitched voice and flailing arms, while running across the street in front of oncoming UPS truck: Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaah!

–45th St & 8th Ave

Thug, to friend: That shit done tore my heart!

–N Train

Puerto Rican thug: Au revoir, here is my choo-choo train.

–F Train Platform

Overheard by: Garuda

Posted on July 16, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazy, Delis, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Puerto Ricans, Queer guys, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Threats, Thugs, Wishes & desires, Words

Ever Try to Milk a Raging Bull?

Hipster #1: Why don’t they make cat cheese? You can milk anything with nipples.
Hipster #2: Why don’t they make Robert De Niro cheese?

–Franklin Avenue Shuttle

Posted on July 14, 2008
About Celebrities, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Default, Diet/Weight, Food, Hipsters, Nipples, On the Subway, Questions

It’s Always Useful to Keep a Spare

Girl #1: You know who is really cute? That kid… I don’t know his name…
Girl #2: Which one?
Girl #1: Oh, you know, the one with the hat…
Girl #2: Oh, Max!
Girl #1: Yeah, him. I really want a boyfriend. He’s really cute.
Girl #2: Yeah, he is, too bad I already have one.

–F Train

Overheard by: That kid, you know, the one with the hat

Posted on July 13, 2008
Beauty, Compliments, Default, Girls, On the Subway, Relationships, Wishes & desires

Please Accept My Apologies on Behalf of the Galactic Council

(guy gets up as train starts to move and begins rambling crazily)
Tourist girl: Stop it! You’re scaring me! (to parents) make him stop! (to him) Stop it! (to mom) I want to get off this train!
Tourist dad: Excuse me, you’re scaring my daughter.
Crazy guy: Am I scaring her?

–3 Train

Overheard by: Glad I only went one stop

Posted on July 13, 2008
Crazies, Crazy, Dads, Default, Fears, Girls, Guys, Kids, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Tourists

Tourist Season Is New York’s Hunting Season

Conductor: Attention, passengers. This is the last stop on this N train. For service to Brooklyn, please exit and take the R train. Again…
Tourist: Wait, is this the N train?
Passenger: Yes.
Tourist: Does the N train go to Brooklyn?
Passenger: Yes.
Tourist: Does this train go to Brooklyn?
Passenger, exiting: No.

–N Train

Overheard by: Still searching for the logical flaw

Posted on July 12, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Directions, On the Subway, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Questions, Strangers, Subway conductors, Tourism, Tourists

Noxema: Shrug Any Press Is Good Press.

Large 20-something tough-looking man: Dude, you have bags under your eyes, are you okay?
Large 20-something man: Yeah man, I’m just tired.
Large 20-something tough-looking man: Dude, I’m going to take you over to Duane Reade. We are going to get you this great stuff -it’s called Noxema! You just put some on your eyes before you go to bed and your bags will disappear!”

–A Train

Posted on July 12, 2008
Advice, Default, Men, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions

I Mean, Maybe If It Was Your Birthday or Something

Guy #1: I mean, maybe I would spoon with you if it was really cold or if it was winter and we were in the mountains or something. But I’m really not that interested in spooning with you or anything. That’s the last thing on my mind.
Guy #2: Dude, I wasn’t offering.
Guy #1: I mean, I really don’t want to spoon you at all. Like, at all. That’s not my thing.
Guy #2: I really was not offering at all.

–1 Train

Posted on July 12, 2008
Default, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, On the Subway, Sexuality, Weather

Everyone Has Their Own Learning Curve

Conductor: Please do not attempt to stick your foot into a closing door.
(turns off PA. Comes back on)
Conductor: It’s very dangerous… to put your hand or foot to block a closing door.
(turns off PA again. Comes back on)
Conductor: Especially your foot.

–W Train

Overheard by: Lex

Posted on July 11, 2008
Advice, Body Parts, Default, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Subway conductors

On the Subway