Construction Worker: Stop pushing me! I just want to drink my beer! [He takes a big sip through a straw.] Ahhh! That hit the spot. Better than any cup of coffee, I tell ya!
–uptown B train at 8:45 am
Overheard by: pants
Construction Worker: Stop pushing me! I just want to drink my beer! [He takes a big sip through a straw.] Ahhh! That hit the spot. Better than any cup of coffee, I tell ya!
–uptown B train at 8:45 am
Overheard by: pants
Old-lady candy-pusher: I be sellin’ candy for the school. I have M&Ms and Jujyfruits and Almond Joy with and without the nuts.
Drunken gay guy: Nobody wants your candy. It probably has razor blades in it and shit. Just go away.
Old-lady candy-pusher: Look at you talkin’. You are the anti man!
–downtown 2 train
Overheard by: Stefanie
Dude in shorts: I love seeing how many people I can touch in the mornings.
–2 train at 72nd St
Overheard by: drendar
Ghetto guy: Yo, can I getcha number?
Girl: Umm, no, this is my boyfriend.
Girl leans in to kiss gay friend.
Ghetto guy: Oh, ok, sorry. I didn’t know.
Gay friend: Girl, if I wasn’t gay before, I sure as hell am now!
–1 train
Little girl: Where does the H train go, mommy?
Mom: There is no H train.
Little girl: I train?
Mom: No I train either.
Little girl: J train? Where does the J train go?
Mom: To Brooklyn. [Pause] Nowhere we’d ever go.
–F train, between West 4th & 14th
Male pick-up artist: Are you from France?
Girl: No. I’m from Long Island!
–uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Giuseppe
Commuter dude #1: The cars on this line feel smaller.
Commuter dude #2: Yeah, it’s like they’re narrower by just a bit or something.
Commuter dude #1: Oh wait; I think people are just fatter.
–1 train, Upper West Side
Loud tourist on silent train: Oh my god. My hands are so dirty from being in Chinatown. This city is the dirtiest place on the planet. If you stuck my hands in a big-ass petri dish, you better believe there would be some monstrous germs on there the next day. Ew, Chinatown smells so bad. Like rotten fish. Why is it so hot here? God, no one in Chinatown has air conditioning. My pits are so smelly. Ugh, I stink. But not worse than Chinatown.
–6 train uptown, Canal St
Girl #1: I can’t wait until we move to Brooklyn Heights. It’s the part of Brooklyn that says, “I’m an adult, not a hipster.”
Girl #2: You mean, it’s the part that says, “I can afford to live in Manhattan, I just don’t want to.”
–6 train downtown
Guy: My eye won’t stop twitching.
Girl: Maybe you should have thought of that before you wiped sarin on the counter. Oh, oops, I just realized that the subway is a bad place to talk about work.
–E train
