Shocking That the MTA Hasn’t Figured Out a Way to Make Money Off of This

Man, watching display for track announcement: Oh, look, it says “Stand by”! Here it comes! Whaddaya think it’ll be? I’m betting on 9.
Woman: Oh, I say 10. What do you think, mom?
Older woman: Er, 11.
Man: How about you, Fred*?
Older man, not very interested: 5, I guess.
Man: 9 comes up a lot. I take this train all the time and it’s almost always 9. I’ll give you 2 to 1 odds on 5, though. 2 to 1, Fred*.
(older man ignores him)
Man: Come on 9! Damn it, now that guy’s standing right in front of it. Do you believe that? Down in front! Go 9!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on July 25, 2008
Default, Men, Old People, Only in New York, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Weirdness, Women

Why Oscar the Grouch Hired Bouncers

Conductor: Yes, here’s the bathroom. And if someone’s in there (points to the garbage can in the wall) you can go right in there, I don’t care.
Guy standing near the garbage, to another passenger: Hey, hey! Not while I’m standing here.

–Train Departing from Penn Station

Headline by: Rachel

Runners-Up:
· “And the Waterfountain Is a Bidet on Really Busy Days” – bdayfox
· “I Guess It Really Is Better to Be Pissed Off Than Pissed On” – Mark
· “Let Me Lay Down and Get Comfortable First” – ddv
· “Please Stand Clear Of the Emptying Bowels” – Mr. Hedge
· “So That’s What They Mean by “Business” Class.” – Jessie Birks
· “Wait Till We Get to Newark, When I Can’t Tell the Difference” – Barry P.

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 3, 2008
Advice, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, Weirdness

But I Thought He Was Onto Something When He Blamed the Muppets for 9/11

Homeless guy: Fuck Gary Cicbdman!
Dude #1: Did he just say Gary Oldman or Gary Coleman?
Dude #2: Does it matter? Either way he’s fucking nuts.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: brad

Posted on June 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Crazy, Default, Friends, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Penn Station, Questions, Words

“Urban” Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo: Man, if you wanna get into heaven, you gotta talk to black people. They know where they at. Can’t get into heaven if you don’t talk to black people.

–Statue of Liberty

Bimbette on cell: So she is like pregnant? Like she is gonna have a baby? Hey, whatever happened to that black family?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Bigg Rigg

NYU grad student: Bill Clinton isn’t black to me anymore.

–NYU

Black couple to group of white people: We’re black! We’re invisible!

–W 4th St

Overheard by: mada

White grandpa to white granddaughter in playground: Black kids have so much fun!

–Union Square Park

Posted on June 18, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Bimbettes, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Hobos, Kids, NYU, Old People, On Cell, Penn Station, Politics, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Race, Statue of Liberty, Students, Washington Square Park, West Village, White People

Please, Wednesday One-Liners, May I Have Another?

Teenage boy to father: You know, everyone knows you’re a furry now.

–Food Emporium, 86th St

Curly-haired chick on cell: It’s like you’re a health nut but with S&M tendencies.

–Ouidad

Overheard by: Pookins

Woman on cell: I’m constantly carrying around like four outfits, paperwork, leftover food, and collars.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McF

Man on cell: Look, if you want to have sex with animals just get drunk and do it!

–Burrito Shop

Overheard by: Marc

Suit: …So if I raise the bed, then I can put the S&M toys under it.

–Bed, Bath, and Beyond

Overheard by: Katie

20-something college girl: Dude! I don’t know how I ended up on my knees calling him "Sir" okay!?… It just happened…

–St. Marks b/w 1st & A

Overheard by: i wish i was

Hot nerd on cell: I mean seriously, what’s the point of having friends if you can’t occasionally accuse them of sexual deviance?

–40th & 3rd

Posted on June 4, 2008
Advice, Animals & Nature, Boys, Clothing, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Etiquette, Friendship, Girls, Grocery Stores, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Penn Station, Questions, S&M, Sorority Girls, Store, Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wasn’t “Jesus” His Stage Name, Anyway?

Girl #1: She asked us once if Jesus had a last name.
Girl #2: Oh. [Pauses.] Wait, I know this one.

–Penn Station

Posted on May 31, 2008
Default, Girls, Jesus, Names, Penn Station, Questions, Stupidity

And That’s Why He’s Homeless

Bum: Give me a dollar!
Guy: I’ll give you two dollars!
Bum: Give me a dollar.
Guy: I’ll give you two dollars!
Bum: You’ll give me two dollars?
Guy: On Friday.
Bum: No. Give me a dollar.
Guy: Hey, I’ll give you five dollars on Friday if you give me a dollar right now.
Bum: You want me to give you money?
Guy: A dollar. Right now. For five on Friday.
[Bum walks away.]

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Andy

Posted on May 29, 2008
Default, Guys, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Questions

Wednesday Doing-Liners

Socialite-in-training: So all I had in this stupid bar in Las Vegas is a vodka tonic and a whiff of cocaine and before I know it I’m making out with a guy that I distinctly remember saying "I don’t like you" to. Yeah… That happened a lot this summer…

–116th & Broadway

Yuppie: I’m in fucking Penn station, I don’t know if it’s fucking snowing outside. I hope six falls up my nose tonight.

–Penn Station

Student on cell: I mean, I could say there are people going into finance doing lines of coke on a Monday night and here I am, doing work.

–114th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Kid, walking out of middle school: Man, I could really use some cocaine!

–East Village

Model to friend about styling team: Yo, before I knew they were from California, I thought they were on coke…

–Crwon Heights

Overheard by: Cuttie

Yuppie to friend: No, seriously. He’s not a jerk at all. He’s a cokehead. You’ll love him.

–Essex & Rivington

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Friends, Jobs & Careers, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Lower East Side, On Cell, Penn Station, Rich people, Sexuality, Students, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Snort When They Laugh

Guy to self: Doctor Jean Grey has the most powerful orgasm of all the X-Men.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Stan

Engineering school chick, screaming: And I was like, ‘Oh my god, this is the worst protractor ever!’

–Columbia University

Skanky hipster chick to another: I would totally do him… But only if I had the ninja outfit on.

–Ludlow St.

[Four NYPD cops are checking people’s bags at rush hour. A man in a suit appears to be their superior.]Man in suit: But then he realizes that Jedis don’t seek revenge. [The four cops all nod gravely.]

–W 4th St Subway Station

Overheard by: KL

Fiftyish suit: Chewbacca, the original wingman…

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Ike

Woman on cell: I’m busy. I’ve got things to do. And right now what I’m doing is looking at comic books.

–Forbidden Planet

Overheard by: Josh

Chick: We were always competing to be chief geek… But he had asperger’s, so he won.

–Central Park

Posted on May 14, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Central Park, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Leisure, On Cell, Orgasm, Parks, Penn Station, Psychology, Sorority Girls, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, The Village, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Still Not As Funny As the White Boys, Though

Ghetto girl #1: Oh mah gah, you remember those two girls we saw at that one club last night?
Ghetto girl #2: Which ones? The ones who were trying to pop, lock, and drop it, when they was dropping it before they was locking it?

–Starbucks, Penn Station

Overheard by: Noah Tizzle

Posted on May 8, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Music, Penn Station, Questions, Starbucks, Words