Wednesday One-Liners Go Great with Biscotti

Suit: Ladies and gentlemen, I have a financially stable family with two children. I just played fourteen holes at the country club and would kill for an iced cappuccino. Please give me some money.

–1 Train

Man, about two women passing: Fellas, you can’t let them get away! If you do, they’ll turn into a cup of coffee and a buttered roll!

–Bleecker & 11th

Toothless bum: Hey man, can I get two dollars so I can get myself a Cappuccino?

–B Train

Overheard by: Comack

Seven-year-old boy: Mom, I want to take a picture of Starbucks!

–42nd & Broadway

Posted on July 23, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Coffee, Hobos, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pictures, Questions, Suits, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Mommy and Our Piano Tuner, to Use a Hypothetical Example

Father to little daughter: You are the most beautiful girl in this photo… and I’m not biased.
(daughter smiles)
Father: Do you know what “biased” means?
Daughter (rolling her eyes): Yes, it means that you like both boys and girls.

–F Train

Posted on July 3, 2008
Compliments, Dads, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, On the Subway, Pictures, Sexuality, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Take the Sex and the City Tour

Tourist to doorman, in thick German accent: Excuse me, can you point me to the nearest Hooters?

–53rd St

Overheard by: jillcorp

Tourist taking a picture of her uncooperative teenage daughter: Shut up and pose, or I’m going to pee right on this yard.

–Central Park

Tourist about to take picture with lens cap on: Oh, shoot! Hold on, I have to take the lens cap off or else the picture is going to be really dark!

–Grand Central Terminal

Tourist girl: I don’t get it, there’s so many suits here, I thought Union Square would be full of hippies.

–City Hall Park

Tourist on cell: So far, I’ve experienced coldness and evil.

–57th & 8th

Overheard by: Lag

Posted on July 2, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Fears, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, Lower Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On Cell, Parents, Pee, Pictures, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Stupidity, Threats, Tourism, Tourists

It’s a Possibility That Increases By the Second, Ma’am

Souvenir photographer: Please step down, ma’am. We are taking photos of everyone before we board.
Passenger: Is this in case I die?

–Pier 83

Posted on June 27, 2008
Accidents, Death, Default, Fears, Offers and requests, Pictures, Questions, Strangers, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

You Also Said That About the Hotel Concierge and Our Cabbie

Old woman: Take a picture of me with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and their son.
Young woman: Mom, the black kid isn’t a wax figure.
Old woman: Well, she just keeps adopting them, I thought it was her son!

–Madame Tussaud’s

Overheard by: Julie

Posted on June 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museums, Old People, Pictures, Race, Visual Art, Women

Even If I Am a Cop

Tourist husband with camera: We could ask him. [Points to black man.]Tourist wife: No, I don’t think thats a good idea.
Black man: Listen to your woman, I woulda taken that shit and run!

–Times Square

Posted on May 24, 2008
Black People, Couples, Crime and Punishment, Men, Pictures, Times Square, Tourists, Women

Sparkly Decorations Are Unequivocably Straight Fare

Dad: Hey kids, let’s stop and take a picture with the famous tree, you’ve never done that before.
Kid #1: [looking up]… Eh, no thanks, dad.
Kid #2: Yeah dad, we’re good.
Dad: … You kids are gay.

–Rock Center

Posted on April 17, 2008
Dads, Kids, Offers and requests, Parents, Pictures, Rockefeller Center, Sexuality

Wednesday One-Liners Make “Unsafe Requests”

Homeless man: Eliot Spitzer for President!… Make the White House the whorehouse!

–Battery Park

NYU guy: So my friend who works for Eliot Spitzer called me the other day and asked me to ask his roommate to delete all his emails. He didn’t say why, but then about two hours later I found out about the whole prostitute thing… And now I’m a little worried.

–NYU Bus

AmNY newspaper guy, handing out papers with Eliot Spitzer’s picture on the front page: $80,000 for a ho, and we can’t get a raise!

–Outside 33rd St Station, 33rd & Park

Crazy guy, speeding on a bicycle through a crowd: Don’t even think about it people! I gotta make a party at Spitzer’s in ten minutes!

–43rd & Lexington

Overheard by: Dan J

Old lady: Why, if I were young like you, I could be a call-girl to scum-of-the-earth Spitzer!

–Laundromat, 34th St, Long Island City

Posted on April 16, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Booty Call, Celebrations/Parties, Crazies, Fears, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, News, Nicknames & name calling, NYU, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Bus, Orgy, Pictures, Politics, President, Prostitution, Queens, Street, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Time, Women, Words

Also, Stop Calling Yourself ‘Some 14 Year-Old’

Teen girl: So I found a picture of him on facebook, half-naked, being straddled by some fourteen-year-old with a bottle of Jack Daniels in her hand. I swear, my brother has all of my precocity, but none of my charm.
Older guy: Oh yeah, and none of your humility either.

–96th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: kids these days…

Posted on April 6, 2008
Age/Aging, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Facebook, Girls, Guys, Nudity, Pictures, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

We Don’t Do That Here

Tourist guy with big camera: Can I take your picture?
Young woman sitting on a bench, reading: Sure.
Tourist guy: Can I get a smile?
Young woman: Um, no.

–City Hall Park

Posted on November 4, 2007
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Parks, Pictures, Tourists

Pictures