Wednesday One-Liners Have Nothing to Lose But Their Chains

Bearded male hipster on cell: My clit is so stimulated right now! (pause) The communists are attacking! (pause) This is awkward.

–Grassroots Bar

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Guy playing guitar: Look on the bright side, at least we don't have to wait in line for toilet paper anymore. Fucking communists.

–L Train

Overheard by: Milt

Man, seeing another man carrying large box of cereal from warehouse store: That's the biggest box of Cheerios I've seen since we lived on the commune!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Janine

Young, normally-dressed guy, to no one in particular: Your President is a commie scumbag, and he owes me money.

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Posted on October 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Food, Gender issues, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Men, Money & Class, Musicians, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, President, Private Parts, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Aspire to Be Betty White

Old dog lady, smoking: Me, I've already been spayed.

–Dog Adoption Booth, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Old woman to another: Darling, I didn't know your husband was still alive!

–Restaurant, Upper East Side

Elderly black woman, yelling to line of cars honking their horns for Puerto Rican Day parade: Get yo punk asses back to 5th Ave!

–Grand & Graham

Elderly woman, complaining to physical therapist: I keep walkin' like I'm drunk (pause) Cause I am drunk.

–12th & University

Overheard by: tbs

Old lady, after being knocked down by man on bike: You know what… Go to hell! (giggles to herself) I haven't said that in a looong time.

–Union Square

Overheard by: letthesunshine

Posted on July 29, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Death, Doctors, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Insults, Laughter, Lower East Side, Man's Best Friend, Men, Old People, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Private Parts, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Vegetarians Won't Eat Anything with a Wednesday One-Liner

(man standing on bus gets a little too close to the man sitting in front of him)
Sitting man: Wrong person, right day. Son, do not put your genitals in my face!

–M101 Bus

(skateboarder tries to do a trick on the curb and flies face-first onto pavement)
Skateboarding friend, checking on him: Dude! His face looks like a clitoris!

–Union Square

Overheard by: I Looked Away

Crazy man to another: What the fuck's the matter with your face, man? You look like a fuckin' Rottweiler! Shit!

–Q Train

Creepy doorman to male tourist: If you wake up in the morning with a bush in front of your face, don't ask any questions.

–30 Rock

Overheard by: MusicMagGirl

Posted on July 15, 2009
Accidents, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Bus, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Creepsters, Friends, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Skaters, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

“Uh-Oh, SpaghettiOs!”– the NYC Version

Woman: Open up my pants, and what do you find?
Man: Bing-bong, it's chlamydia!

–E Train

Overheard by: HappyCamper

Posted on June 19, 2009
Comebacks, Men, On the Subway, Private Parts, Questions, STDs, Women

I Don't Follow…

Student giving presentation: The angel statue on his grave actually had male genitalia on it, but the cemetery keepers broke it off and used it as a paperweight.
Dumb student: Where on the statue was the genitalia?
Student giving presentation, after long pause: In the same place as male genitalia on a body?

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: You've got to be kidding me

Posted on June 8, 2009
Classroom, NYU, Private Parts, Questions, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, Visual Art

I Need Tight Jeans to Stabilize My Pelvis

Girl #1: I wish someone would tie my pubic bone back together.
Girl #2: don't you mean your “pelvic” bone?
Girl #1: No dude, it's definitely my pubic bone that's all shifted.

–Urban Outfitters, 14th & 6th

Posted on May 21, 2009
Girls, Health and Hygiene, Private Parts, Store, The Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Oh, Get Your Mind Out Of the Wednesday One-Liner!

Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear.

–Q44 Bus

Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth

Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it.

–CUNY Law School

Overheard by: That's what she said

Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube.

–Stuyvesant High School

Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe!

–Houston St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: ian has a face

Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort!

–72nd & 2nd

Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then?

–86th & Broadway

Overheard by: Frenchie

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, BJs, Black People, Bus, Bus Drivers, Classroom, College, Family Ties, Fat People, Girlfriends, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Medicine, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penis, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Smoking, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

And I Do Mean “Up”

Girl, as UPS truck passes: Would you rather call FedEx or UPS?
Guy: I don't mind, as long as my package gets to where it needs to be.
Girl: Where does your package need to go?
Guy: My package needs to go up in your sister in Virgina.

–Time Square

Posted on April 10, 2009
Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Private Parts, Questions, Times Square

But That's on Purpose.

Old lady being pushed into the train: Young man, you are crushing my package.
Young man: Lady, you're crushing my package, too.

–1 Train

Posted on March 31, 2009
Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Men, Old People, Private Parts, Women

There Go the Horseback Riding Lessons, I Guess.

Mom #1: She refuses to wear slacks! She'll only wear dresses and skirts. She told me, “mommy, girls don't like to have anything between their legs except their underpants.”
Mom #2: Let's hope she feels that way til she's twenty.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on March 27, 2009
Age/Aging, Clothing, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Private Parts, Wishes & desires

Private Parts