Tween #1: You called me gay? I’ll sue you!
Tween #2: You’re gay for even saying that.
–Elizabeth & Mott
Overheard by: stephin’ out
Tween #1: You called me gay? I’ll sue you!
Tween #2: You’re gay for even saying that.
–Elizabeth & Mott
Overheard by: stephin’ out
Queer: When I get stoned, my grundle itches.
–6 train
Overheard by: sheerah
Street vendor, gesturing to enormous bong: No, no…this one is for tobacco.
–St. Mark’s
Elderly man: People are stupid! They don’t do pot!
–R train
Stoned guy: Man, why do chip manufacturers always put the crumbs at the bottom of the bag?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: bernard black
Teenage gangsta: Yo, when I was in the shower, it totally tasted like weed. For real.
–Lafayette & Houston
Passenger: If you see a suspicious package or activity on the platform or train, don’t keep it to yourself. Tell a cop or an MTA employee or me. There might be some money or some weed in there.
–4 train
Overheard by: Mike
Long-haired dude, picking up a cigarette butt: Man, that’s not what I wanted to smoke.
–72nd & Columbus
Overheard by: clarence rosario
Queer: Dude, I’m so horny, I’m thinking about considering Asians.
–Lil’ Frankies, 1st St
Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!
–Brooklyn bound F train
Overheard by: PoisonIvy
Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!
–1 train
Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…
–1 train
Overheard by: sara n.
Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!
–18th & Park
Overheard by: edward
Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!
–Wooster & Broome
Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.
–23rd & 6th
Gallant Queer: You can go ahead of me with your “lady things.”
Woman in line behind him, holding infant and feminine products: You mean the maxi-pads or the baby?
–Duane Reade, Park Pl & Broadway
Woman: So, did you hear so-and-so is getting married?
Man: Really? How does her fiancé feel about her being a lesbian?
Woman: She’s not a lesbian.
Man: Really? Does anybody else know that?
–Central Park Reservoir
Overheard by: Jill
Suit: I’d leave my wife for her if her clit didn’t taste like a spicy tuna roll.
–Chambers & Broadway
Girl on cell: I don’t care how many fingers you put in her. Bottom line is, she didn’t blow you. So I win.
–Times Square
Overheard by: shap
Utilitarian guy: A blow job is better than no job.
–Sex Work Conference, The New School
Overheard by: wendy
Girl: $50 for a 2-minute bj? I’d do it. It takes me 8 hours to make $50. Shit.
–Queens bound F train
Overheard by: Marisa
Dude: So, did she orgasm in your mouth?
–219 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Trey Givens
Hipster: I’m thinking of getting that little string thing attached to my tongue cut off so I can eat pussy better.
–Chinatown bus
Queer #1 to queer #2: Well if I’m not giving you head and you’re not giving me head then we’ve got a problem.
–Wachovia, 17th & 7th
Overheard by: Joanna
Queer #1: I’d rather lose my legs than my hands.
Queer #2: I could probably lose a couple of fingers and still be happy.
Queer #1: What if you lost your dick?
Queer #2: I’d just turn it in and make a vagina.
Queer #1: So you’d basically turn yourself into a woman?
Queer #2: No, I’d still be a man, but with a vagina.
Queer #1: But you wouldn’t feel anything.
Queer #2: I’d still use it.
–34th & 2nd
Brooklyn queer #1: It’s like that time I had mono and sat on my stoop for three days, whittling wood.
Brooklyn queer #2: I swear to God, if you tell that story one more time I’m going to shoot myself.
–6th St & 5th Ave, Park Slope
Sports enthusiast: Man, that guy was queerer than a football bat.
–40th & 6th
Queer enthusiast: My son can play football, but only if he’s gay…Because, well, at least he’d be gay.
–The Cloisters
