Dad to screaming kid: Stop screaming! Stop screaming! Do you want to go to time out?
Screaming kid to dad: It's too cold for time out!
Dad to screaming kid: Then we'll do it on the subway!
Screaming kid to dad: There's no time out on the subway!
Dad to screaming kid: There is if daddy leaves you on the train.
–42nd & 7th
Girl leaving apartment: Are you fucking for real? A gas mask!?
Guy, following: What do you mean?
Girl: You think I'm going to have sex with you after that?!
Guy: Huh… I still don't get it?
Girl: If you don't get how a gas mask and sword don't work, I can't help you!
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Smokey
Blonde girl: What did she say to you?
Brunette girl, looking at cellphone: Um… She said she's sitting next to this guy who's breathing so hard it sounds like he's getting a blowjob from a woman with a stuffy nose.
–Williamsburg
Female college hipster: Why? Because I don't have sparkly underwear that tells you?
Male college hipster: Yeah, then I'd know how you were feeling.
–Herald Square
Hobo: Spare some change, ma'm?
Woman: Ugh, I don't have any change, I'm going to yoga. Why would I carry change if I'm going to yoga?
–The Strand
Chick to friend: I've been really committed to learning about Jesus lately. Can you believe how crazy it is that Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights? I mean, like, no food or water for that long? Crazy! I mean, I never even realized how crazy it was until I saw David Blaine do it.
–R Train
Dreaded hobo, evangelizing: You gotta be able to suck dick to accept the love of Jesus Christ!
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: melissa
Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Fat Christian evangelist to another: Jesus had the computer technology to manipulate the atoms of water. That's why he could walk over the waves. That's how we convince the atheists.
–Union Square
Overheard by: smoking on the stoop
Hipster on cell: My aunt got a promotion at work. She's a big deal. If this were the bible, she would be Jesus' nephew.
–17th St & Broadway
White male to group of friends: I thought she was really into me… Then I turned around and she was kissing Mary.
–Pace University
Girl to boyfriend kissing her hand: Are you kissing my hand or wiping your nose?
–Central Park
Young boy to friend: Wow, lesbians kissing! I've only seen that on the internet!
–Grand Central Station
Black man to two men and two women making out indiscriminately: I thought all y'alls was gay, but now y'alls kissin' each other. I don't know what to think.
–Splash Bar
Elderly lady, seeing cover of People magazine: “Johnny Depp, sexiest man alive”? I don't care. Who cares? (to cashier) Do you care?
Cashier: I don't care.
Elderly lady: His mother might care.
–Duane Reade
Girl, loudly in silent computer lab: Is Sunday one word or two?
Friend, avoiding glares from students around the lab: One?
Girl, showing friend Word document with “sun day” written in it: It doesn't say that I'm spelling it wrong!
–Computer Lab, Columbia University
