If Only the Production Crew Of The Hills Could Do This

Hyper teenage blonde: Hey, know what I just realized?
20-something blonde sister: Okay, wait. In the interest of saving time, I'm gonna pull my hand back like so before you start talking. Now you can go ahead and say what you wanted to say, but just know that if it's something ignorant or retarded, I'm gonna slap you out of your shoes and right off the sidewalk, and then keep slapping you until we get home. Is whatever you want to say worth it?
(long pause)
Hyper teenage blonde: No?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Really want to know what she was gonna say

Posted on January 10, 2016
Bitch-slap, Family Ties, Girls, Questions, Sisters, Teens, Threats, Time, Times Square, Weirdness

I Haven’t Decided What I’m Against Yet

Tourist taking picture of guy with ‘Overthrow’ shaved into back of his head: So, is Overthrow your rap name?
Guy: Nah, Overthrow — that’s my movement. I’m a general. Five-star general — see the five stars [shaved into sideburns]?

–DUMBO

Overheard by: Mrs Parker’s 4th Grade Class

Posted on January 10, 2016
Brooklyn, Crazies, Hair, Idiots, Questions, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Tourists, Weirdness

The JDating Of Wednesday One-Liners

JAP girl on line: Why would I be boogieing at temple?

–H&M

Overheard by: Sandjiggie

Redhead JAP: It's too bright, I can't hear you…

–41st & 3rd

JAP: Is saving the whales still, like, a thing?

–F Train

20-something JAP on cell: I mean: I don't want to say that I live in a bubble, but the only people I've spoken to in the last week and a half are you and my doorman.

–42nd St & Lexington

Overheard by: Pete

Posted on January 9, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Dancing, JAPs, Judaism, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Wednesday One-Liners

And Kicks Me When I Call Her a Stupid Hoe!

Woman: And how are things with your girlfriend, hm? What is she like?
Guy: Well… she does have a big nose.
Woman: Her nose? Why are you concerned about her nose? It's her personality that matters!
Guy: But she always hits me whenever I mention it!

–5th Ave

Overheard by: the art major

Posted on January 9, 2016
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Punch, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Undie-Liners

College girl on cell: So as of last weekend I've pledged to be celibate for a year…although on second thought, it should really start today. I got pretty trashed last night and this morning I couldn't find the underwear I was wearing yesterday.

–Church St

Overheard by: Emma

20-something woman: Did you enjoy the bra fitting? Old lady grab your bits?

–Outside Town Shop

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Elderly woman examining bras: What's with all this padding? I got my own damn titties!

–H&M, 5th Ave

Overheard by: titti-less

Eight-year-old in a suit jacket on cell, strutting around the store: Did you see any hot, sexy girls? Yeah, but were they hot and sexy? Where are you, man? Are you still in the underwear aisle? Yeah, but are you still by the panties? (louder) The panties!

–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca

Overheard by: emdeebee

Trashy girl walking funny: Well, I guess I should have worn underwear.

–Arthur Ave

Posted on January 6, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Biotechs, Clothing, Girls, Horny, Kids, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Promiscuity, Questions, Rack, Sex, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Store, Suits, The Bronx, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women

And It Turned Out I Just Wasn't Used to a Boyfriend That Pale?

Fat black girlfriend: Remember when I used to get high and see dead people in my house?
Nerdy white boyfriend: What?

–7th Ave & 1st St

Posted on January 2, 2016
Black People, Couples, Death, Drugs, Fat People, Nerds, Questions, Sensory Experiences, The Village, Weirdness

Dude, Polish Jokes Were So 1985

Polish guy: Dude, it smells like a midget's ass over here!
Friend: How do you know what a midget's ass smells like?
Drunk guy: He's Polish! How else would he be able to screw in a lightbulb?

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: POLA

Posted on December 31, 2015
Ass, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Guys, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness, Williamsburg

40’s of Old English?

Chick #1: I’m nostalgic for the ’40s.
Chick #2: You can’t be nostalgic for an era you never lived through.
Chick #1: Fine. Then I long for the ’40s to the very depth of my soul.
Chick #2: From your loins?
Chick #1: Yes. My loins… They long for the ’40s.

–Herald Square

Posted on December 29, 2015
Body Parts, Default, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nostalgia, Questions, Words

Oh, Sorry! I’ll Just Go Fuck Myself Now

30-ish white lady: You’re doing push-ups?
20-ish Asian girl, taking off headphones: Yes…
30-ish white lady: Why?
20-ish Asian girl: Um…
30-ish white lady: Do you do karate or Tae Kwon Do?
20-ish Asian girl: No…
30-ish white lady: But you’re Asian.
20-ish Asian girl: Yeah…
30-ish white lady: Why don’t you do Asian sports?
20-ish Asian girl: What?!
30-ish white lady: Have you always stuck with American sports or have you ever tried anything Asian?
20-ish Asian girl: What?
30-ish white lady: Where are you from?
20-ish Asian girl: Manhattan. [Puts headphones back on.]

–New York Sports Club, Crowne Plaza

Posted on December 23, 2015
Asians, Gyms, Questions, Stupidity, White People

Aw Jeez, I’m Sorry –Don’t Fuckin’ Cry, Okay?

McSuit #1: Do you wanna head to the subway?
McSuit #2: You mean Subway, like the restaurant?
McSuit #1: No, I mean subway, like the fuckin’ subway.

–7th & Bowery

Posted on December 22, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, Questions, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Words

Questions