Upright bassist: I want a really hot girlfriend who's like The Giving Tree, y'know, by Shel Silverstein.
More upright guitarist: Like, who gives and gives and never wants in return? Get real, man.
Bassist: I can dream, man.
–Union Square
Overheard by: The Glump
Girl #1: I'm sorry, Kelly, but if they are the poster child for good relationships, then Hitler should be on their poster.
–12th & 5th
Gay guy: Oh, I just realized I took Tyler's phone this morning.
Straight guy: That's what happens when you and your boyfriend get identical phones.
Gay guy: Brilliant idea–I'm going to text him now, and his name will come up in the caller id. I'll pretend to be him from the future and start making dire predictions.
(his phone beeps) Dammit, he noticed. I just got a text from Van-from-the-future.
Straight guy: You guys are an oddly perfect couple.
–87th St & 3rd Ave
Mother to four-year-old making loud, weird noises in stroller: Will you shut up? See… That's why you don't have any friends.
–Supermarket, Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: George O.
Woman on cell: She put my friendship on the line for a Chanel bag! (pause) So I guess I'm worth like, $600 dollars.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Kade
Angry woman to man: You had to fuck my friend?! You couldn't think of a better place to put your dick?
–Elevator, 75 Wall St
Overheard by: Jonathan
Seated guy to standing woman: I was out drinking with a friend. Well, less of a friend and more my parole officer…
–L Train
Overheard by: Bradburnside
Suit to woman: I don't believe in friends, ya know?
–22nd & 6th
Overheard by: Edyna
Little girl #1: Do you have a boyfriend?
Little girl #2: Yes, and I hate him.
–Starr St.
Overheard by: Asizzle
Teen girl on cell: Are you kidding, mom? Google shapes everyone's lives, whether they like it or not. You google everything.
–W 28th St
20-something-girl: He has liked every status I put up since Wednesday. I haven't spoken to him in ages. I was like, "stop peeing all over my Facebook page!"
–42St & 2nd Ave
NYU student on cell: Honestly, that blog was the most profound thing I've ever written.
–Mercer & W 4th
Overheard by: Bloggers have depth too
40-year-old woman dressed as 16-year-old, on cell: Samantha, just go on Facebook and text him already. (pause) Of course you can do that, everyone does it.
–Outside Five Guys Burgers
Collegiate boy to group of friends: Well, if you think about it, if you've met one person you've basically met everyone.
–6th Ave & West 4th St
Overheard by: Lucas
Guy to friend: I went to the anarchists' meeting, but they turned out to just be a group of spoiled, white, middle-class kids.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kate Deshmukh
Loud lady on cell: Yeah, just meet me here. I'll be in the basement in the sexuality section.
(pause, then even more loudly) Basement! Sex!
–The Strand
Overheard by: April
Redhead girl: No, I totally want you to meet him–I just don't want him to meet you.
–47th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Rick
Ghetto girl to group of friends: And I was just like "Oh my god! No, she didn't! Not with that nose!"
–C Train
Guy: You could fry an egg on her stomach.
–Union Square Green Market
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Indian cougar: I just like the feeling of a nice hard young male body.
–Bowery St
Overheard by: Dj bj
Woman showing pictures on camera: And this is da one where I'm givin' him da deaf eyes…
–West Village
Overheard by: Cass
Woman on cell: Never once have I opened my legs to anyone… besides you.
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Matt Martin
Teen to friend: They said it wouldn't be fair for me to fight her cause she ain't got no fingers.
–Outside Erasmus High School
Gutter punk girl with big suitcase, screaming: Why can't you just be my boyfriend and care about me?
Gutter punk boy with big suitcase and bike, calmly: Because you're fucking retarded.
–Delancy & Forsythe
Overheard by: AnnieUp
Doctor #1: Who are you going on vacation with?
Doctor #2: My wife and my girlfriend.
–168th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Emm
